REINFORCED CELERY.

Evening Post, Volume CIII, Issue 53, 4 March 1922, Page 14

REINFORCED CELERY.

Remains'of two whales, said to be over 10,000 years old, have been unearthed in a celery bed near Peterborough. When celery thews Are tougher, than yews, The sharpest ineiaors defying, And diners would choose A dish of bamboos As a course less fatiguingly trying— Their quality tough Finds reason enough, If, when you are sadder and wiser Through fracture of teeth, You will dig underenath For the whalebone in that fertiliser. So, dig in a whale To stiffen your kale And make your asparagus stronger, Until by degrees , Your runners and peas j Need sticking and training no longer. —a.w: Chronicle.

"That's all right," responded the dentist. "They will soon grow again." "Will they?" said the boy, with a brightening face. "Do you think they will grow in timo for dinner?"

Foreman (calling' up to workman): Phwat are yor doin' up there, Casey? . Casey: Oi'm iayin' bricks, ay course. Foreman: Be Jabers; by the still ay you, yer mojght be layin' eggs!

Tommy: "Dad, what's a 'Scotch mist' ?" Father: "When a man asks you to have a drink and you don't hear him."

Cobb: "My mother still thinks the world of me." Robb: "Ah ! A man never gets too old to enjoy hearing his mother brag about him." ■

Teacher. "Now, Eric, how many ribs have you." Eric: "I don't know, miss. I'm so ticklish I can never count em!"

Wife (complainingly): You are not like Mr. Knagg. He has been married twenty years, and Mrs. Knagg says be is so tender. ■ ■ ■

Husband:. Tender! Well, he ought to be after being in hoc water as long as that.. ,'■• /

"It sayß here that surgeons hare discovered that orange blossoms may be used as an anaesthetic, ' said Mrs. Henpeck. * : ■ "I always did believo that I was unconscious when w« were married," remarked Mr. Henpeck. -•■":

Two Bohemians a» a Cafe: "What happened to you,, old chap? Did you get a situation?"

"Oh, I've left journalism, and gone into trade. I'm now ir the furniture business." "And havo you sold any?" "Yes, my own."

. 'We will suppose now that I have just kissed you, Dorothy." "But, Charlie, that's impossible." "Then you destroy my lino of argument." '; ■ ' ■ i ' '■ "We will suppose that you are about to kiss /me. Now go on with your argument." .-■.■•,

Harry:. There s som9 advantage in saving up for a rainy day. .Frank: What's that? , Harry: Why as soon as you commence to do so the sky dears up, the sun comes out, and it becomes pretty plain that there never will be * ramy day.

'My brodders," said a waggish coloured man to a crowd, ''in all inflictions ob your troubles, dar. is one place you "can always find money and sympathy." Whar?" shouted several. i "In ze dictionary," he replied, rolling his eyea skyward.