THE LIGHT THAT LIES IN HUMAN TIES.

Evening Post, Volume CII, Issue 32, 6 August 1921, Page 14

THE LIGHT THAT LIES IN HUMAN TIES.

The steadfastness of character, the deEendency in matters of importance, can c judged by the tie o£ a man."—Bruno's Review. My dears, if you a man would know, If you would all his traits descry; Don't wait until He's yours in towLook at his tie. A knot tight-tied refers to\ purse, A sombre hue betrays the mind; A man is like his scarf—or worse, ,| You'll always find." If it is gay, then gay is he, If spotted—spotted ib his past; If it is fragile, he will be Too good to last. The crooked 3treak you must eschew, Scotch plaids and weaves in coarser grain; From dubtono and curlicue ( You must refrain. Above all else, you may not yield (He is a monster to be feared) To him who wears his tie concealed Behind his beard. —Hsnry William Hanemann. Life. ■ Psychio Mistress (to heated cook) — When your crimson aura has disappeared I,will communicate with you again.

Operator: That line is bizzie. Subscriber: What line is bizzie? Operator:' What line are you calling ?

"Look at that man laugh. He must have just heard a funny story." , "No. He just told one!" ,

The hardest money in the world to pay is rent in the house you have sold, while you are waiting for some place to move.

A book agent walked unsuspectingly into an insurance office and before he got through struggling he had signed a policy.

Mother-^Tell William he is mistaken. His dog isn't here, and he should look elsewhere for it.

The Interpreter—Hey! Bill, ma says ye're a liar, and ye better chase yerself outa here.

"My word doesn't seem to carry much weight," protested the young wife. "Never mind, my dear," rejoined the brutal other half, "your apple pie more than made up for it-"

Binks —Why do you always jjo to that particular barber? Pinks—He is as bald as an egg. Binks—What of that? Pinks —He cannot advise me to use a hair restorer. ;

Mrs. Screech—l don't see why you object to ray singing lessons. Perhaps aome day my voice will keep the wolf from the door. Mr. Screech—lt probably will, if the wolf hears it.

Jimmy—l'd like to be a doctor when I grow up. ■ Tommy—What for? Jimmy— So's when fellows' mothers brought 'em to me I could say keep 'em home from school a week or tw,o.

Teacher—Tell me five of the most important races of mankind. Small Boy— The hundred yards, the two hundred, the quarter, the mile, and the .hurdles.

He—Yes, darling, and it shall be the purpose of my life to surround you with every comfort and gratify your every wish. She —How good of you/ Harry! And all on £3 a week, too.

They were talking about their friends. "And what do you think of Jones?" "I'd trust him with my life." "Yes, I know. But would you trust him with fourpence in cash ?"

/l Dyspeptic—And to what do you attribute the wonderful curative property of the springs here ? Native of the Health Resort—Judicious advertisement, sir.

Birkehhead has: decided to have no more policewomen, remarked Punch, on the ground that they "get married almost as soon as they are enrolled." It all comes of teaching them to say, "You com© ;aloug quietly," in just the right tone of voice. ' ■ i ■

Mrs. Profiteer (relating her experiences) : Yes, my dear, and we saw a volcano. You know—one which , overflows with lager.

"Did you hear about Bliok proposing again to his divorced wife?" "No; what did she say?" ""Said she couldn't think of marrying a man whose first wife was still living." >

Our Nursery Novelists—Child Author (dictating to his typist): And with on© latht long lingerin' kith, they parted for ever I—got1 —got that ?

"Waiter, I want two boiled eggs." "Yes, sir. How will you have them, sir?" ,

"Have them boiled exactly three minutes—no more, and no less." "Yes, sir. Hard, soft or medium, sir?" A