RAINY DAY IN THE NEW HOUSE.

Evening Post, Volume CII, Issue 14, 16 July 1921, Page 14

RAINY DAY IN THE NEW HOUSE.

"Is the wash-tub under the leak in the bathroom ceiling?" "It is." "Are the dish-pans and basins under the fjuest-room gabl6?" ■ "All there.'' "And all the spare orockery, rags, and old newspapers spread in the living room?" "All in the right corners, with towels on'the window silk." "Where is the baby?" "In the shelter tent in the dining room." "How about that new leak in the hall?" "We have an old rug and a rusty pail left over for that." "What is that puddle on the floor?" "That must be another warped place; we can mop it up now and then." "Well, then, let's raise an umbrella over the phonograph and play 'The Love Nest.' " —Corinne Rockwell Swain. Life. Customer (at a restaurant)— This steak is much smaller than the one I had yesterday. Waiter —Yessir; came off a smaller hox. ' ■ Elsie-rAfter I wash niy face I look in the mirror to see if it is clean. Do yo\i? Bobby—Don't have to. I look at the towel. Interviewer—And what book has Helped you most in your wonderful career? Celebrity—Without a doubt, my bank book. Mother—Why, Bobby, what's the matter? Bobby—P-papa hit h-his finger with a hammer. Mother—Well, you shouldn't cry at a thing like that—you should laugh. Bobby—l did. Teacher—Swarma of flies descended upon the Egyptians, but there were no flies on the children of Israel. Smart Boy—There ain't now, neither. Mother—Why were you whipped at school to-day, Sammy? Sammy—'Cos teacher told us to write an essay on "The Result of Laziness," and I sent up a blank sheet of paper. "Why is Grace so miffed?" "She said she would give anything for a photo of Harold Handsome, the movie star." "Well?" "And the studio tsked her to send 25 cents." The Lady (after plan is explained)—Y«s, but is it possible? Her Visitor—Everything is possible, madam, except the solu-. tion of the Eastern question, unearthing a cook and discovering- an apartment. A schoolboy, being asked by his teacher how ho should flog him, replied: "If you f >leaae, sir, I should like to have it on the talian system of penmanship—the upward strokes heavy, and the downward ones light." Irate Father—Your dilatory habits, annoy me. It's been my rule through' life to be at my desk early and late. Incorrigible Son—Same with me, dad. Sometimes I get there early and sometimes late. "Yes, I can fix you for a para all right," said the ticket agent, after spending an hour looking up berths and time-tables. How nice. ' • "When are you going ?" Some day when I can afford it," replied the lady. "Thank you so much." "Your aew pianist didn't 6tay long!" "I had to let him go," said the manager. As like as not he'd be playing a jazz selection when people were dying on the screen." "Didn't he offer an explanation ? ' "Oh, yes. He safcl circumstances compelled him to accept employment in a movie house, but he would be dadblamed if bed prostitute his intellect by looking at tho pictures." ' "Esmeralda?" "Yes, mumsey," "In the parlour last evening I thought I heard you and that Umson boy talking about love and kisses." "But, mumsey, no matter how lovely the weather is, one can't go on discussing it forever."