MOTHER TAKES TO SLANG.

Evening Post, Volume C, Issue 87, 9 October 1920, Page 14

MOTHER TAKES TO SLANG.

Now mother's talking slanpr because Throughout the livelong- day She says she hears so much she can't Talk any other way. _ - She said to Dad at diimerHime, "I'm oft' of you for life Because you always gum the works By eating with your knife!" The preacher called at four o'clock, And Mother etarted in By being ■very proper, but Ere long she saw him grin. And was it any wonder when She said, "What gets my goat Is having all the hens remark, 'That is her last year's coat!' " But moat of all when sister's beau Called on her after tea. And I thought I would istick around. My mother said to me: "My son, I want to put you wi9e, Your sister's in the mood ■To hand you ono unless you beat It while the beating's Rood 1" —Haavey Peake. Judge., Son—"Who was Noah's wife, dad I" Father—"Joan of Aro, my boy. Now run away."

Edith—"Miss Strong thinks you are a. clever fellow." Ferdinand- I—"Does1—"Does she? I think I'll call." Edith—"No j you'd better stay away."

Mrs. Wilks—"Doe* your husband suffer from his rheumatism?" Mm B&rt— "Yes, but not half bo much aa ,th« rest of us do."-

ffa/Hier of the Family—"You girls are always talking 1 about your dresses I Can't you find a higher plane of conversation?" Eldest Daughter—''Certainly, papa. Now we're going to talk about hate.

Fishmonger (exhibiting salmon) — "Splendid colour, isn't it? Customer— "Looks as though it was blushing- at the price you ask for it."

"Do you consider it ft. moral wrong to cheat a. lawyer?" asked a, man who was always looking for a chance to start something. "No," replied his friend, whose specialty was worldly wisdom; "but I consider it a physical impossibility."

Jones—"Well, did you find the plumber?" Servant —"Yes, sir. But he won't come. He says he's dressed for dinner."

Her Father—"The fact is that I oannot give my daughter a dowry just at present." Suitor—"That's all right. I can love her for herself in the meantime."

Sha was an aged Irish dame, yet she recently beoamo engegnd to an equally old fogey. One morning she met an antique lady acquaintance, and they discussed the weather a moment, then the engaged one remarked: "Oi had an awful freight last noight." "Indade, an' ye had, sure enough,' 1 snapped the other. "Oi seen him wid ye."

"More discussion about free seeds from Congress. Do you think farmers really care for the free seeds?"

"I dunno. Most of 'em would lather have automobile parts."

A man's appearanoe indicates how hia business is prospering, and his wife's appearance shows how much he is spending.

Miss Oldgirl (who writes)—l am thinking of writing a love story founded on my own experience.

Miss Young—You'd better give' it a. happier ending, dear.

He—Did you dye your hair? Ethel— No, it was dead when I bought it.

The time to buy a used car is just before you move, as people in tn« new neighbourhood will think you were the one who used it.

"I can toll when the major has had a. few." "How?" "By the laborious way in whioh he steps over a burnt match on the sidewalk.

Mrs. A. —Maudo is progressing^ by leaps and bounds in her piano practice. Mr. A. —I thought she couldn't make all that noise with her hands alone.

Yardmaster — The engine-driver has saved more babies' lives than any man on this road. Sue Burl)—He must bo a skillful driver. Yardmaster —Not exactly. He runs the milk train.

"It took me nearly ten years -to learn that I couldn't write stories." "I suppose you gave it up then?" "No, no. By that time I had a. reputation established, and didn't have to."

"I consider the labourer worthy of his hiTo," remarked the union organiser. "And tho hire the better,' r s&dly remarked Clem Jester, who had been highering harvest hands.