HONEYMOONS FOR ALL

Evening Post, Volume LXXXII, Issue 25, 29 July 1911, Page 10

HONEYMOONS FOR ALL

" Why fi&t go on- a honeymoon?" The agent of the American Matrimonial Ad« justment Company had a moment before imperceptibly slipped into Ashton's office with that rare skill which comes to artists in the canvassing line. "What do you mean?" asked Ashton. "If yon will give me about a .minute of your time, I will explain." "Go on." "My forapuny supplies brides fc-r honeymoons. Now, sir, don't get impatient and jump at conclusions. Wait until 1 am through." "But why should I go on a honey* moon?" "Simply because it is one of the fundamental, elemental, absorbing experiences of life. No man can be a complete man without it. All tho senli* ! ment, all the tenderness and poetry, all of the s-iipMtne ecstasy of life id concentrated into that wonderful period. You are a man of wealth. One by one you have tried all of the things that money can buy— and exhausted them— except this, which we can offer you at a price that will astonish you, Every possible avenue of pleasure is open to | you; all the higher feelings focussed into a delirium of bliss, which for you, who are a practical business man, will be all the greater after a life of hard work. It's all perfectly simple; we supply you with a bride— an unexceptionable bride, and we make all the arrangements; we have several classes ot honeymoons. _ There is the lonesome honeymoon, quiet country inn, old-fash-ioned buggy rides, bucolic joys and communing with Nature. Then there is the panorama honeymoon, Pullman cars, Niagara, Yosemite, mountain scenery, splendid hotels, moving humanity, in which you enjoy, with a sympathetic soul, all of the architectural beauties of your country. If you would like a European honeymoon, which is our most popular one, We can offer you any number of varieties." ( Ashton was interested. That morning, sitting in his lonely bach-elor apartments eating a solemn breakfast, he had secretly longed for companionship. Lonesomeriess 'is tho curse of celibacy. At the same time, Ashton knew better than to get married. He had figured the thing all out on paper and for him it Was. not worth, the pnew. "How about? the bride?" he asked.. "She is the natural evolution of the great woman's movement that is now sweeping over the world. The principle we went on when we started our wonderful business — with branches now in every city— was that there w.ere in this world any number of women of the best families, rich, if you will, accomplished and handsome, who wanted to devote their lives either to art, to literature, or to politics, as the case may be, and who. like yourself, desired to have the experience of a honeymoon before they settled down, sd to sneak, into their life work, It was our business to find them, and we have done it. We bring you together by a scientffic process. Now, in your case, let's see : you are about sft high, with dark hair, brown eyes, aquiline nose and a nervous, energetic temperament. Hum— ah, you will require a delightful little blonde, with a retrousse nose. By JoVe ! I have just the one! And if she doesn't suit I can offer yon others. What do you say?" "Can I tnke a good look at them first?" "Sure. We give a complete demonstration. Have her to your&elf for an afternoon; you understand 3 of course, that she may not like you. It must be mutual. But I can assure you that with our experience we make very few mistakes. Occasionally we have to try again, but such is our judge of temperament that we'eafi Usually suit both parties on the first go off." "What's ohe price?" "Five thousand dollars. This includes all railroad tickets, hotel bills, every possible attention, Couriers when necessary, for six weeks, anywhere in tie world. We bring you back to your office just as you were before, after having been through the finest experience in the worlds-necessary, in fact, to every human being in order ! to know the real meaning of life." "Isn't that hlgn?" "For what you get? I should say not ! If you prefer «t widow, of course, I can bring it down to 3000 dollars, but I wouldn't advise it. Do it right!" Ashtoh considered. "t father incline to your proposition," he said at last, "with the understanding, of course, that you can ca-rry out your programme as outlined, after I ha\e submitted the matter to my attorney, but — ■*-" "That's perfectly agreeable to us. Our contracts are passed on Already by the best legal talent in the country. Will furnish bond if you desire, at a slight extia -cost. Possibly this afternoon you would like to have a demonstration?" "Why, yes. only— — " Ashton leaned forward. ''One more thing occurs to me,' 1 lie said. "Suppose by Any preiubility, either of tie should want to secure a divorce ; it might be awkward. I've seen sober friendß of mine make fools of themselves and I myself realise that 1 might do the same thing. ' "We understand that perfectly and hate a plan that we find is perfectly devised to oOVef this eontitfgehcy. In taee you should de/drc fo. continue, why we charge you at the rate of five'thousand dollars every year as long as the an alignment lasts. Yon may be enthusiastic at first, you understand, but fl.ft<T you have been paying out a regular sum of a- hundred de-liars a. week— well, it discourages permanent love. You ccc, «ir, it's a. perfect system, and for our modern age and its intense requirements it works perfectly. Instead of running v&ur own risk' and paying alimony all thr, rest of your life, jon pay fat Waft Wfcrri«d,'*a3 wh<»ti yon v*nfc

— _-,f~~ What do you say to four o'- "* ti, ftt'is afternoon. I'll eend my cat." "Done." • » • » » One morning, two months later, the door of Ashton's office opened quietly and the graceful figure of the representative of the American Matrimonial Ad» juetment Opmp&ny entered. "Well, sir," he said, as he ' shook hands, "how was ifcV" "I am bound to say that you have filled your contract in every I am so pleased that I shall Be glad to write you out an enthusiastic letter ol prase, which you are at liberty to ue»." "Thanks very much. That's the way we like to have our customers talk. And now about the luture. Do you tmh to continue, or shall I present you with your release papers?" Ashton reached forward for his chequebook. "Send over the papers at once," he replied decisively, "and from this date you can put me down ac a regular customer for sis; honeymoons a year." J'ln that e&ag," .replied the agent quietly, as he took out hi« order book, "we will, of course, allotf you our regular discount of 20 per cent. Good-morn-iftg, sir, and thanks for the order. "I'll send th« car at four, as usual."— T.L.M., in New York Life.