Nan's Camping Out.

Evening Post, Volume LXXV, Issue 09, 11 January 1908, Page 10

Nan's Camping Out.

*• " Bj S, K. Cbockbtt, Author of " The Bed Axo, oto. - (AH Bights Eeserved.)

''Wall,* 4 "said the banker to his parjfiou^ar vntimates, the lawyer and %h& Boctor, "I suppose I. mu&t tell you fellows. Yes, Joe Kano has got martied. He is a married man now ! Dnod itde-'c of a fellow on a stool, bent over pig "books, and ran if ha saw a woman in-'ihfif remote distance— that was Joe! tyny!" says you, very natur- ,' f *sov details you had better aek my Ivife — that is, if. any. of you like to risk Wing shown the door. Nan Gilfillan Hpes not understand men's pleasantries bpSh such subjects. Consequently you haxe got to. take my word for it — unless you'd rather not. -VYou know what a fellow Joe Kane ij^was— l was going to say ,'ever will ie, ? But he won't. He's married, and tf" any of yGu chaps want to get married (ifeßyise, turn over a new leaf, begin ta lead a new life, stop smoking, and -^(Oilmour, your glass is empty— the Hgifanter is at your elbow— pass it tjong !) you go camping out— that is toith somebody else than me, Walter fi^rard GilfilLin and Nan, my wife— > to the twenty-fifth year of her age and 6|th of her match-making, as they say ba tombstones. She has been a nipper at getting other foil?: married ever since - she said 'I will' in church — with the asr,"of, "of one who says *I won't' — or 'I'll B^eyou — ahem, farther — first.' '"That's Nan, and though we are all lq}g*.men in our way, and at the bank I t^ke- no back-talk even from a director I don't deny jt w^s a good .day, Ireheji I walked down, the aisle; to ■ the Strains of '"that holy wearinesa^o!'* J-he. fie'sh, 'The' "Voice that Tneaitfed o'erQEdjgn! 1 , / 1 "Now," continued Walter Gilfillan, "you, I, and the rest of men can havo bevera l ideas in our heads, at one. time. fcfan,-nvy wife, ,ha* only onf, Bu>.that} one Has got to be carried out, before fchere is room for another. \it i5.., t00. feo ajl yc,u little" Doys get out of the (way. I also, on such occasions, ' enaeavour- to" find' an 1 engagement in* another direotion, j, „ „ , <\ • this; Utst iy sumjnor Nan's idea twos camping 'out"* Wo 1 had n6 .cubs — fc&ildrenrX^Weaflr-V fi otopljcatfii ' matters, or dictate where or when wo .were to>spend our banker's short .three weeks. If. Nan is sorry ahoutj that, it, is in the bight, and nobody but a bank manager has his sleep disturbed because* of it. Still, that does not happen once in a blue fnoon, and between times Nan is so busy arranging for other people's family circles that she ■« has no time to mourn ntjrput having only me to mako up her own. Sometimes, however, at the leaBide, when she sees a pack of the young pe^ts making sights of themselves among the sand and seaweed, she grabs my aim and *Qrfc of .gurgles in ,her throat, 'Qh, Evened !'- And I know 'what sha is thinking of ! (Jonei, pass Ihe decanter !) , <% Ah, well, the Lord didat give, a» the l>qxd ean't~-t*fce;t&w.ay I Iha>:a.th,e .way I comfort Nan. Sometimes it works —sometimes not: .Anyway , ,v«e can't help it— that's certain, and we have the fewer post-dated cheques to draw on the BanF 6t Tcttttrity »' ' ' ' j'Boys,- you -should' have -seen Nan, $ome week* before ► 'the eventful day.' 6ne was as tickled and excited as a dog at a cat-show. You know how nicely her hair 4ks about her 'boad— no, I m nofc gotfing: p&lta&tT-SfeJl, fqr »i ?op d three. frgs3 C^,#. ..W^ WW^ bristles: She would rise m the "night tc£ look at - ths. feather, returning > t<? •*\rake me', with -<jold;: feet and the ei> tirely superfluous ' ittforntaixon - that ,'ifr ;was e^ster 'haar,' that she'could hear vufe drops on th 9 window-pane, or -that thp moon was full and beautiful— none of which things,, really.; bore on our holiday, whicb*was" still' three weeks off I But tff v «wl'B*i if- -yod-knoAV Nan, you, know'tltft i€ia&*W* W.- ' •-"•■»• ' • "'See here, Watty,' she would say, 'rsr-uem-tuiiikrag !* • • - •. "So I knew that I was in for it t and BaMwdMh. :%?§ dear. '^tryjng hard no* to think of something else. T«r"Wat is'^no 'go>-with -berj-^K-an.cant..pa,tch« the slightest symptom of wandering attention. Same as if a clerk has been trying to" write loye-letters between the backpages ef bis;?ledge$ v inv of&Qe! fcoflw, .1 can refd gtfflt' o£'h& %«—;: &'?*s, * '♦ t So > P i gs*e -ffeni-my.. undivided attention. -I-Hv^^lTCajsJjeejii.a^gpod. hus*And as an unclfc, ' fully tested and approved by many of -Nan's pretty nieces and cousins— why;. you hav-e to go back to. remote antiquity to find my equal And even then you would' be hard) put to it, eh, dotrfor?" ' w %ook heTe,' said N>an-T-]ilrsi, Walter GUfilla'n, that ia, so far as you felloes are concerned. "You, can keep thinking otfit that way, but, asfo#, me, I can't gdt my tongue round it, 'look here, Watty,' Nan said, 'we can't "go to Switzerland, though I know, a heavenly spot iu4t outsider -Coir&4 in Ciuiton^.Gnsons that I loved as i* child. It wftttia take too much time_pomin£.aDd r going— 1 ?"And the 'fates*!' I ' suggested. ■ But Nan swept on, and took me with her. ""I hen you knov/, Watty, Dalna .WJiyt© is coming with us!V '•l\au said this in so -matter-of-fact a. tctno that any of you unwedded wildaslses would have thought that -she had mentioned it before — b tact, dysc.ussed it threadbare. -"J mentioned that I was glad of the information, but -would 1 be interested to know who Balii* Whyto might be, and why arty human" and demi-semi-Christi'an parent could have given a gir' (presuming it" to be a girl) such an uncanny name. '•'^low, is an does not approve of any form of humour — when directed against, herself— and answered sharply. 'If you had any sense, Waiter, yov would know that DaTna Whyte is ray cousin two removes, on my , mother/fi aide,, and. that she was called Dalna after Dalnaspidal, «. 'pl<ico ia the Highlands, where she was neai-ly Go-rtiT ' . ' "'Nearly born?' I demanded m some surprise. » . • . " 'Yes,' cried Nan, indignant at my stuptdityj 'it's a -ail-way' place, you- see, {netty high up, and tho engine stops toookTat "tnV view or sotftathing— Stops a. pood whflfrr^almost too long, indeed^ on this occasion. However, my poor dear cousin managed to get as far as Perth, ■nWe Dalna was .really 'barn— ' " 'Then "why not 'coif ber ' Perfcn ?" I said. That seemfeS obvious if they wanted to place her, as it wen;, territorially. "Nan fktng one indignant look at me. •1 knew what it meant. It said, that I ;was a man.. - , '« ,-• ,'"Call a girl .Pe?th ( Whytei!^ she- cried, hotly liave you no, sense, W-&tty? Why, they Would think -she came from ' the tbyeworks !' "Then she added, with great dignity, •The child's name is Dalna, and there's an end to it !' "J- remembered to have heard something like this -read out of the Bible in, the lessons for the day* but the quotation was vague, bo T dfdi not obtrude it. '"Daln? Whyte is coming with iis, then,' I said, meekly. 'Well, tjiat will mean another tent !' , v 'Why, of conrfla it will, she- said. «I. have it all arranged. They are out pn-the back grew- now f* - • * ir *W^o?^Wha±?^Dj&}tt&=.W.h.Ytß 35$ tne t«ot£ I. cried. j

" 'NNto t you silly,' eaid Nan, pushing me back into my seat, 'the two tents !' " 'And suppose,' I said, 'that Dalna, gets frightened in the night? All aloha in that vast solitude, at least three feet from the 'nearest mortal—!' "'Oh, 1 said Nan,, simply, 'I /have thought of that too. You are to ask Jo& Kane !' " 'Nail V "She nodded her head, defiantly and floggedly. A 'highly commended' bull-, dog is not in it with Nan when she reallytakes hold. " 'Yes,' she said, 'Joe and you are to have one tent— the small one that I bofrowed first. The reun comes through aT little, but not 'very much — that is, if you are careful nofc to touch the canvas with your heads I' "Joe and I aTe, as you know, both well over six feed ! My wife continued : " 'Dalna and I are going to have the big square tent that I got the loan of last from Major Harper — it has two iron bedsteads. So we shall do all right, and you and Joe can rub along. It will brace you up, sleeping on the ground, after al) that office work you are always gTumbling about! Why, we shall be just like soldiers on the battlefield 1' "I thought of saying that Dalna- and! 6hc, with all Major Harper's military equipment would be much liker tho r^al, article if they took the smaller tent. Only I refrained. Nan dislikes irony, and there is no use in a man introducingdispeaiO© into his own household. 1 I 'knew that we should have to Lava Dalna. My secret hope was that Joe Kane, would Ho was a bachelor of some thirty-five years' standing, an 4 had long beep permane.pt 'best man' to all th.c weddings in iwv insurance -offices afld, .tlrree- banks. - ) "But I suppose Nan had been on tho trail before me. At any rate he bad been got at — that was clear. He actually said }<hat he would ,'be dojighteel,' You could have knocked me down with a, featheivdußter. Jog Kane— mind you.!— Why, I would as soon have expected him to spend his summer yaeatio,u ir^a, creche ! ' '" ' ' } "Bub when I got home., Nan said, before I got time to hang up my ! ha,t, 'Joe's coming !' , • ,- f . J"'Yes,' I answered, to /give, her a taste pi my quality, and ", in «i .my bset •No-overdraft maujijei^ tyes,; Srjtr. Kane has expressed his w|Jlingn.esant6 join us !' "At this Nan laughed heartily, and said, 'Of course, he h^s ! Catch a oanker not knowing on which side hie bread is buttered-rother people's too !' "Well, we went down to the south of Scotland — to that Galloway that is wilder and cheaper and prettier than the Highlands. We found a place called Clachanpluck. I knew it because I had been born not far from there, and I -v?j>fc a *■ >oted member of the Clachanpluck Sa- *s qf E4inb\irgh and ■L'o.ndon-^of Glasgow too for that )mattetf, but (up» less I have Dr. William Bruce, of the Herald, to tell me- my way about among the meats and -drinks, and* cheer me'up generally) Glasgow is a long way to go for a dinner. "We had set our tents down beforehand, and^ a local expert had pitched them. Nan's and her friend's installation had a wooden board floor that took to pieces, but Joe and I were to prove our manhood by a strict adherence ta the rules of tho game. We found the tents, pitched among a cluster of. fir,treqs, on pretty d^ry g-rqund, Stjll it 'Ava's best to make, certain/ so> aftei\ an, attempt raad.9 by ourselves which 'only resulted in blisters, Joe K<*ne and I set local teN ent to work .ta_4i£ a. trench round both tents, tO cavry away the surplusage wa,ter, especially the unearned increment of our own bell-tent. "The whole place looked 'ant-y* and I could have betted ou midges. However, I said nothing, for I did not want to blunt the first simple mi iniiqwut joys of cam,'p-life. "Joe joined us at Lockermaben junction. He was in a grey suit, and his moustache curled up at the corners. He was guarding, ,bis . luggage a.s if. it vhad been bank property, and pointing with his umbrella 'to tlie^several parcels, as if he had been Black Rod m Waiting. He was a noble sight — well-nigh a landscape in himself— set up on end. He had cut off his' side whisfcers— why, I don'fknow, unless it waa';tl»t?,.:that vixen of a wife of mine Had' 1 given him the tip as to .Miss Dalua'B,Ukes,.aiid -dislikes! „ up Miss^D'alnaspidaJ at -the Caledonian station. Sho was— like most of my wife's favourite relatives —young, agreeable, but prettier than most. Nan says that, when she gets a bit older, ehe may try her Itand on sefc tling the plain girls. But at present shfr prefers to. have pretty ones about her, Sq do I, "for that mattor. I suspect also that Nan .likes changes. 'Small profits, quick returns'— that sort of thing! I notice that if a girl does not benefit by the chances that Nan gives her^— if shedoesn't know enough at least to make good running — Nan does not usually ask her again. "'I like a girl with spirit!' she says for an explanation, bufc she says it emphatically. And then, having arrived, the play began. Nan could cook. I was odd-man-of-all-wbrk. In which position I had all the abuse and no privileges, dike the last-joined clerk. I had to bo always on the spot— that is, where Nan was. I had to peel potatoes, and ba sure not ta throw the peelings about. I had to undo all manner of parcels when our luggage came, and bury the- paper wrappings. Nan would have a clean * camp, or know the reason why. I wished to go down iuto Clachanpluck and buy a waste-paper basket, as the simplest remedy. But the very suggestion aroused a torrent of wrath, at the thought of which I still tremble ! (Jones, tha liquid refreshment is under your hand !) "So, of course, Joe Kane and Dalna had- to go down to buy provisions in , j tne village, furnished with a. list as long as my arm— my wife's share— and three one pound notes — mine ! "They do uot understand gold in Clachanpluck, and send for a policeman If ■ you persist u> offering it to them. "I warned Joe of this, but he did not show mo the ordinary deference which he is accustomed to do in the bank. • ',' [°} i>7 ne sili<^ T shall make tliat all right !' "But to see him going off with Dalaa was worth caniping out In rain for— yes, even doing all the" scrubbing and cleaning up. Dalna was grotty young, as well as young and pretty, -But, being a relative if Nan's, I would bo prepared to wager that she was not nearly so shy as she looked. None of that family wear their hearts on their sleeves/ "But there was no mistake about Joe Kane. He was as shy as a new boy at school who joins in mid-term. ■He' felt his blue shirt and red tie Heavy' as a bag of salt on his shoulders — I mean about his neck. I stood and laughed, jerking up and down in my joy hke a sandhopper, till Nap made me stpp-^-'for decency sake,* she said. You. should! have, seen Joe edging off whenever the path was a little wider — every now and then being recalled to the narrow way of duty by. bumping into a pine tree, or catching the leg of his thin summer trousers in a hoop of bramble that knew T^hat was expected of A. "I could" have Betted that- not "three, £ £2^ .were sXgb»Sßa4 jiiiSS*. tb -§ $&h

part of tho way, and x that Joe was aching to introduce the Theory of Bankipg or something about the Actuarial Values of life in such primitive villages as Clachenpltick. "But Dalna — whether coached by Nan or not, I cannot s^ay — did not help him a bit. She* lot him fathom the deepest depths of his own idiocy, satiate himself with it, wallow in it, and then with a quick look at him from under the brim of her hat, and a shake of the yellow roses that decorated itj she began to chatter. How do I know? Well, I know, that's alii "To say that Joe was grateful is to say little. I don't know what Dalna said — not word for word, that is. But I know her cousin. I know the breed. I have always been' a shy difficult man myself, awkward and diffident with women, and I don't believe that anybody but Mrs. Walter Everard Gilfillan could' have overcome that inborn—you needn't laugh, you fellows ! As the ppet says: 'Man knows .hut ill his. fellow-man — Still worse,, his fellow-woman !' "I shall not .soon forget the first night in camp. Neither -wiU Joe. As for the girls, Nan and Dalna — of course women never forget anything, ' except the last two-thirds . of their promise to 'love, honour, and obey 1' - ' "Now\ Joe • Kane is not a fool. And if anybody had told me beforehand that he would get into a fuss, just as I was dozing off, lest 'Miss Whyte' and 'your wife' might not be comfortable— well,' to say that I should not have believed that man, is to take a mild view of the case. But Job actually said these words, and what is more he made me get up and inquire. "It was my wife who Teplied, and I am glad that the clerks in the bank did, not hear what she said to me. It would have been utterly subversive of discipline. 60 I told Joe that if he had any more such anxieties' lie had hotter satisfy them himself! Then a brute of a dog canje. and nosed about,, barking and running away again. Murmuring gently, I got. down' a wooden mallet, which had been brought for the tent-pegs. I stole out, my light' evening dress streaming out liko "a Bourbon banner on the breteze.' Then I learned a great lesson! If you go out to chase dogs, it is Better not to chase at ally than to throw things and not to hit/ The brute grew perfectly infuriated 1 "when 'the mallet whizzed harftllefssly past his', head; Seeing too, weaponless he returned and hovered in -the vicinity 'of my legs in the, "most cowardly fashion. "Then Joe came out, and told me 'For goodness sake not to make a noisp elsd I might 'disturb* the" ladies!' I asked asked him ■ if he thought, it was t who had been barking? " 1 said also that if he liked. -to tramp about and discourage 1 all the dogs in the country, he could do it. Joe said that the right way was to speak kindly to dumb animals. So he told the beast to go away, and to my ( surprise and disgust it went. , " 'Now you see }' he said triumphantly, rubbing it well into me. " 'Ridiculous brute !' I replied, rather nettled, and Joe thought I meant the dog^ "Then the wind began to blow. At first I lay listening to the low groundswell of the pines. Their gong was soft and low, like Mr. Whittier's on Ramoth Hill. But soon afterwards it increased into a- roar, ancl I understood tha,t sleep had flod from my eyelids. It began to rain also. At first the sound of the storm without was soothing. I thought of the waves breaking on the beach, of the sqijgh of tropical forests, of heavenly choirs, of Nature's music heard among tho tree-tops! Yes, J. .tho*ught of all .these- at the time— l did not mako if -up afterwards.- I -scorn the suggestion"All was punctuated by the 'pitterpattev' of the rain, and the readily risk* roar of the storm. - ■ "Then I heard a scream. So did Joe. We both started to 'our feet. I seized my revolver, and Joe His stylographic pen. Thus 'we sallied forth fully armed. - It -was a, wild' night and wo were pot-clatf wr any Arctic expedition 1 less than Joe.- ! "The cries continued. I distinguished Ivans voice. As the clouds passed rapidly over the tre* tops and a late, moon began ,to give us a little Ikht, Nans screams came loudev to my ear ''Heavens, 1 I thought, 'if 6Om e ruffin dare— 1 I precipitated myself in the direction of 'the other \ "dwelling But it was, no tramp— no wanderinff burglar. Insecurely fixed by' hands inexperienced, the tent had swayed almost 'to its downfall, while our simpler boli-pattern had but creaked and swayed and laboured. 'Another, burst and it was flatt "The cries became something desperate to listen to. " 'Come on, Joe !' I cried. 'Help— help !' , r '"Nol-So! 1 I heard Nan's voice clear above the hoot of the tempest, 'not Joe! don't let him dare! Only you, Walter Gilfillan— do you hear? Tell me that you hear!" ■A 1 ii Infor 1 nform <3d Nan that I was still blest with hearing." " 'Then you go "to the side where the storm is coming from, and hold up the tent by the ropes till Dalna and I geb-roooh, .Walter Gilfillan,' you are not, holding -it up ! I did think we should have- been better looked after when wo -came out -camping— and with two men in the party !' "It seemed an eternity that these women took 'to get some things on' with me hanging on like a steeple-jack at the end of a ropo. Other ropes with pulledup tent-pegs battered and bombarded by calves, and from the. darkness Joe's dog made rushes at the. white things he saw banging about on the- windy side of tha big wall-tent. Well, I could. har,dly bjams him, After , all Nan's tongu© was worse. "I thought of the adage of the village carpenter who hid installed us tho night before. - p " 'Aweel,'he had eaid, with a look at tha eky, /som? folk doestak 1 a/ deal o' trouble to make their&el'a njicomfortable!' - - • - "Altogether \\i was.o-'' strange position /or a man with the latchkey of a comfortable dwelling-house in his pocket — that is/hanging up against the tent-pole where my trousers were. "At last tke- girls .did come out, and, instead of bftng grateful, Mra. Walter Gi'h'llun , abused me like a pickpocket, as if the whole thing had been luy idea— as' if I had been a god of the winds and the maker of tho rain. So much, of course, I expected. That was all in the day's woik. But' when Joe. came on the scene and lent a haad at knocking in the pegs of the' wall-tent in a new and tii'mer way, ,-no gratitude was good, enough for him,, no words. of thankfulness warm enough,. Even when ho nearly smashed my finger with tha mallet, that also was wholly my fault! I did not know how to hold anything properly. I could not evon be trusted to hang a picture straight. And me to bully them into camping out, and lead three trusting souls into this weary I and desolate wilderness ! ''I did nob reply. I am a married mac of long standing. But I hoped Joe would take a, warning. "At last we got all taut 'and snug, and I was , still more, astonished when Joe Kano a-nd I got inside the tent, to find that instead of taking warning, h& was proud of his performances. He even gave me advice — me, mind you, who did the first camping-out ever seen in this country. "On the morrow, Xah was grateful — Dalna Whyte was ' grateful — to Joe L Kane ! , [ -'Yes, w.e had thxg% golid ageks of it

— never a cloud after the first night. I worked like two niggers and an Irish navvy. I was ptsadtly abuaed. Nan alternately mounted guard over me, and sent off the other two on most barefaced errands. I told her Joe would end by s&sing through her. But I will not lessen the respect in which, I trust, you hold mo as a business man and a county magistrate, by telling you what my wife said to me in reply. "Doctor, I have come home a wreck. You will find your work cut out for you to patch me up ! I went to sleep in the office chair to-day — from sheer tiredness. Next year I am not going camping with any more, of niy wifVs relatives. No, I am going to change off with our officekeeper, and do the summer cleaning of the whole bank building single-handed, while he goes' camping out .'" "And .i'oe Kane and Dalna?" ' "Oh, they are married, and stopping at <he Grand Hotel, Paris. No moro camping out for '-them either ! "And four times » day my wife says, 'Didn't I tell you so from the first, Watty?" '"And when I reply soothingly that she did, she adds, so as to curb my pride, 'It would have happened much sooner but for your stupidity!' "Oh, yes, certainly— you can ask Mrs. Gilfillan about it' if you like. She has another" version — prettier and more ro mantic. But this that I have given you is tho truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Ask any fellow who has .camped out, if it isn't !"