ROUND ABOUT.

Evening Post, Volume LXVIII, Issue 128, 26 November 1904, Page 9

ROUND ABOUT.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. [Br a Casuai Chronicler.] Never did the Premier scintillate so brilliantly as he- scintillated in Taihape — that wild and woolly place where, it has been said, "Law'n'order" 'are of no account. He-told them how he was cheered at Newtown and how the small shopkeepers are collecting a National Purse for him. and how he never felt better in his life, and how he was a real marvel, and how the- art- of government is "no great secret, 1 ' and how his notion of leading is to assert his position and never make terms with the enemy. It was a notable visit. He was far from oaiping critics, and he set his fancy free. Up in far Taihape. He rioted and ■ revelled in a sort of verbal spree, , • • In tight and tough Taihape. < The deputations told him what they wanted , him to do, And he answered he would keep the matter , steadily, in vysw; , . Though to minds sophisticated this remark is hardly new,Tet the cheering shook the rafters in Taihape. ♦then he settled down to tell them of nis 1 " popularity; x Oh, he shone in wild Taihape. "Eschewing egotism," but with much verbosity, He stated in Taihape ' \ifii went. and quelled a meeting that was howling for his gore, . That be" "turned the howls to cheering when " he rose and took the floor ; Hii narrative of derringdo" created a furore In the palpitating bosom of Taihape. His health , he sivid, had never been so warmly drunk V store *" Al it was in old Taihape. (Forgetting Hokitika and the lively days of yore . In the glamour of Taihape). He told them > that the secret of successful leadership Was to face the foe unyielding, and to smite him thigh and hip. (WE, Who know .of Royal Commissions, know the value of this tip, But it all w'eut. down tike whisky in Taihape). They listened, awed and breathless, to the loud astounding views That he brought to wild Taihape. (For they never get the papers and they never' hear the news In distant, dim Taihape). It was lovely while it lasted, and he gavo the fullest rein I To his large imagination ere he came to earth again ; And his last view* as ho cynically chuckled in the train Was— a lovely crimson halo round Taihape Probably it is all right, but, to plain colonial minds, which imagine that they • have learned all there is to be learned in the matter of statecraft when the Premier says "I will," and then doesn't,, some of the recent cables- are as confusing as a Budgiet .speech. For instance, Tuesday's Post contained cables informing us 1. That the Kaiser presented a' statue of Frederick the Great to the United States as a mark of his friendship for the American people. 2. That the Kaiser, at the launching of a German "cruiser, beamed on Count yon Billow when the, latter declared that the rivalry of nations necessitated that Germany should keep her weapons keen and* ready. • , „, , 3. That Mr. Roosevelt eulogised the Kaiser forTris manifest desire to keep the peace (by sending statues of very dead old Germans). , 4. That Mr. Roosevelt's Government- announced (as a guarantee of America's love of peace) that it would spend £23,000,000 this year in warships. It is a little confusing, isn't it? And yet, if Stfiitb. were to pursue Jones with a shotgun, and were at the same time to loudly asseverate between snapshots at him, that he merely wanted to shake hands with Jones, Jones would not feel inclined to mount a barrel and declaim about the jSeacefulness and amiability of his eld friend Smith. But_tliis is what the nations are doing. ■ In despair at "the misleading- statements regarding the conditions and prospects of New South Wales, which are published in newspapers in Loodoa and elsewhere," the Premier of #»at State propones to establish an Intelligence Bureau for the dissemination of reliable facts regarding its progress and resources. Now thfvt i Mr. Seddon is establishing a High Commissionership for this colony, fyj might consider the advisableness of supplementing it with an t Imagination Bureau -also. By way of encouragement some reliable- facts are herewith submitted for his consideration : . (1). This colony's total debt is a threepenny ■> piece with a hole in it, which it owes to a tourist who dropped it in the street, 1 and whose- address is- unknown. 1 (2). It is largely composed of laud, and is therefore eminently adapted for living on. (3). It is about 91,000,000 miles from the Bud, and is therefore in small drfnger of being burnt up. (4). Xhore is no crime in the colony,, only 28,527 criminal charges having been-beard by Magistrates last year. (5). -It is situated near the South Pole, and - therefore the British money-lender should , find , a, safe investment, a3 his money would go a long way.' 1 (6). Tom Bracken, as Mr. Seddon haß often pointed) out, says that it is "God's own country." (7). It has vast natural resources open to mortgage, including a good climate, 500,030,000 limpid rippling waterfalls swaying 'softly downward through leafy dells to the muaio of innumerable tuis, a large number .of duster Maori •maidens, the Southern Cross, and a lot of coal . and , goM. t . (8). It 'is a port of the great Empire, or the great Empire is a part of it. (Note — - This point has yet to be settled by the High Commissioner). The value of this fact as security for loans is obvious. (10). . Mr. Seddon has been Premier for about " -" thirteen yearn, and a country that can survive that con survive anything. The steamer Moeraki, ' which arrived from Sydney last week, brought amongst her passengers for Wellington fourteen Chinamen, three Italians, a Russian, and a tTuri. This 'week's Sydney boat brought two, Germans, one Dane, and one Italian, This suggests that a dip into the future may reveal something like this : — (Extract from the Wellington Piebald Polyglot, 19bh November, 1954.) The country is at last purged of the •white element which has caused so much dissatisfaction of recent years to the descendants of the hardy pioneers who began> to make their appearance in the clos-J ing years of the lase century, "and who ■were attended by better fortune than falls to the lot of moat founders of a new nation, chiefly owing to the weakness of "the decaying white aboriginals, who mistook them for tinted tourists, a species of human for whom they cherished an almosg superstitious regard. During tho afternoon the' Deportation of Aboriginal Britishers Bill, which had been expeditiously pushed through all -its stages, rame on for its third reading in" the Upper House. The Attorney-General (tue Hon. Wun Long Tung) moved the third reading. He said there wa« no need to speak ab any length, as all were, in their varied and many-hued minds, satisfied that the time had come when the interests of the community demanded that the survivors of the decaying white race should be wiped o"ut. It was only consonant with the lofty aspirations of Mongrelia. and the

sentiment enshrined in the folds of tho flag — the dear old Spots and Stripes — (leud cheers and cries of " Banzai," "Welly Ni 1 ," " Hoch," " Corpo di Baccho," and "Allah. Akbar") — that the country should be made completely and perfectly piebald. In seconding the motion, the Hon. Ciacomo Pericardio Garibaldissimo alluded to the disgraceful poverty and objectionable pallor of the Whit* Peril. The Hon. General Kushemoffski urged that it should not be forgotten that the Britishers had, in past days, by their long enmity to Russia, stood sufficiently long in the way of progress towards the perfection of the State of Mongrelia. 1 It afforded the Hon. Mashimoto Koko Banzai especial pleasure to agree with the last speaker, in view of the nucient feud of Japan and Russia, when the Britishers were arrogant and truculent opponents of the aspirations of the Colour Party. The third reading was carried without dissent, and the Governor, His Excellency Baron Francois Redhottski Ah Fat Allah Sulieman .Luigi Umslogogaas, at once signed it, in order that there might be no delay. Three hours later the fourteen white aliens were loaded with chains,, towed out to sea, and sunk off Cape- Palliser. Everybody will be glnd to hear that tho future of the Rana is assured. We have it on the authority of Lord Milner, no less, who spoke quite cheerfully of the ultimate union and. happiness of the country. happy news is confirmed by -a recent' cable message, stating that it is hoped — nay, more, expected — that 60,000 Chinamen will be there by June. The same day the_ members of the Seventh Contingent decided to hold a reunion on 23rd January next. A special toast for this function is imperative. Boys, get 'ready and charge your glaaseil Here's a health to our' comrades dead, Silent under the waving grasses, Heeding little the world o'ebhead, Safe and sound from the dust and din. Drink to the shades of your kith and kin. Dead in the land that they died to win— Tlie land, that rings to the Mongol's tread." Luokl Good hick to them! Let us drink To the bright old days and the game we played ! Drink to the chums of old! Don't think Of dreams deceived and of hopes betrayed. Boys, be merry! For Milner says He sees the dawn of the golden days : The saffron tint I Be his the praise For the Yellow Land that our rifles made! We the living, and they the dead, Bore the cross, and the crown— whose brow? Luck I Nor, reck of the price we paid. Life is full, of our lost hopes now. Health and good luck, with hands all round! Blithe and happy, they're sleeping sound, With hopes undimmed, in the silent ground That says no word of the conquering Chow.