ABOUT "THE HOUSE." A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

Evening Post, Volume LXVIII, Issue 50, 27 August 1904, Page 9

ABOUT "THE HOUSE." A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

[Bt a Casual Chroniclf-ii.]

Although, generallj speaking, Parliament was worth going miles to avoid ' on Tuesday, there was some little life in it. Tho Council, at all events, was tinged with a human interest, inasmuch as it dealt with tho Boxing Bill. Whatever thoy may be now, tho members of the Council were firo-etiters once, and they mado haste to inform each other of their past prowess, and gloated over the struggles of their youth with tho same . veiled pride with which the Salvation Army concert, to the accompaniment of tho big drum, gives a recital of his early misdeeds. The Hon. H. Scotland — who "is ugin 1 everything— opposed the Bill, and mentioned that he had t once seen Jem Maeo. It came as a shock to hear that the Hon. 0. C. Bowen, 'who is tho personification of polifched maturity, urbanity, and intellect, had onco been a pugilist. He confessed to having learnt ' th« noblo art in Bendigo in the Bullock drivin', cattle drovin', Nigger, digger, roarin', roviu' Days of long ago. s ■; Other mombonj detailed their experiences, and carried 1 away by old-time memories x the Hon. G. Jones spoke unblushingly of if "scraps.". To make up for their unexpected enwrgouce into the warm sunlight of ■ humanity — in tho shapo of whut Mr. ■ Jones calls "scrap" — members spent tho ■ latter end of their sitting in » wearisome ' discussion about drains. An afternoon in Committee left a ! Houso ripe for frivolity, and their" chanco 1 came in thu Gaming and Lotteries Act, { and its proposal to declare pak^a-poo a lottery and to hit Ah Sin with a legislative club. Nobody knew anything about pnk-a-poo, except the members who recently paid a trip to tho Chinatown of Haining-street, and they " lay low and said nuffin'." After much persuasion the Minister for Justice read what pur- . ported to be the rules of the game, and ' the painful eagerness with which members listenod to him caused a suspicion that they wero on the look out ior a nov«lty for their own Monto Carlo. A strong attack was made on the proposal to stop Ah Sin from gambling while the European was left untouched. Mr. Heke led the champions of Consistency, and de- / livered a fierce denunciation of church bazaars and raffles. The, Consistency ' Party moved to substitute for the original clauSo a provision to punish tho European who gambles in a Chinese den, and "<in sgite of the Minister's appeal to members to support tho original clause, Conliatency triumphed, and the clause was thrown out. This ended tho evening's doings, and it was observed at midnight that, for tho first time this session, there was not a soul in the galleries.

As far as the House was concerned, Wednesday (question day) was much the •ame as other W ednesdays— only more 86. More co, 'in this way: That the Ministerial evasions of members' question^ gave evidence that Ministers are more frankly evasive and candidly slippery than of yore. They no longer try to make an evasion look like an answer — or, at all 'events, like the production of an intellect that had wrestled nobly with the question and been defeated, out not disgraced. Accordingly, members complained verbosely all the afternoon. The. Council struggled with the Boxing Bill again, and discussed J.P.s and their manners and customs at great lengtn. It • was chiefly decided that there were J.P.s and J.P.s, and having settled this momentous question, tho Council concluded that it had done enough for tho day. Thin galleries, that kept on getting thinner, rolled up to enjoy the free feast ' of reason and the gratis flow of soul in ■ the House in the evening. There must , have been some species of telepathy at- , work, for the- proceedings, academically interesting, were caviaie to' "the general/ ' which reads the Bulletin and obtains the idea that Parliament is a political variety ■ show, or coruscate with wit, or emulate tho proceedings* of the debating clubs ' described by Bret Harto in passages Liko • this :— < i It iras Andrew Jackson Sutter who, dcsOMr. Cutter for remarks he him .utter in debate upon the floor, " Swmig hin> up into the skylight, in the .1 peaceful pensivo twilight, and then I keerlessly proceeded, makin' no ao ( count what we did— , To wipe up with his person casual dust ■ upon the floor. / "The general"' — or such of it as had not ,' had a telepathic warning to stay nwny 1 —looked in vain for Andrew Jackson ' Sutter. It did, however, hear a joke. "> Some years ago, it is recorded, the Hon. 1 T. *y. Duncan was conversing with a • prohibitionist clergyman, and the latter i raid: "It's a fallacy, Mr. Dunoan, that ( wbJWcy kills tho microbes in' water." \ "That may be," replied Mr. Duncan i cautiously, "that may be. But I thenk ' It disables them somewhat." . For years j that has been pointed to as the only joke % !Mr. Duncan ever made. He made an- ' other during tho debate on the Legitlo- \ tive Council Reform Bill. "We stick to ' our principles," Mr. Massey happened to ) remark. "You haven't any to stick to," c was the brilliant riposte of the Minister. m It was not a striking jest in itself, but it p deserves mention as the second joke Mr, 1 Duncan is known to have made. The trembling world is waiting in fearful anticipation of his third. 1 But this is a digression. The evening's proceedings opened with "Mr. Field moving the second reading of tv Bill to perAit a man to marry his mother's brother's wife, and thereby become- his own 'uncle and commit bigamy in one act. He > siid he would alter his Bill to permit a Ann to marry his mother's deceased brother's widow, eliminating tho bigamy and Ifcaving a nian't| relationship to himself i pure surmise. Membera would not ■auction auy such fancy knot, and killed ( 4he Bill with great gusto. Then "the . general"— growing thinner overy moment, , jwid becoming more and more convinced that Humour is Dead— saw a. stonewall set in on Sir William Steward's proposal ' to reform the Legislative Council. Man after man arose from the Government I benches, and discharged thipk brown logs of verbosity, repeating himself over &id over again — anything to pass the time. Hour after hour it went on, and Sir Wilb'am Steward struck grimly to his jjost through it all. "We an like to express our views," said Mr. Flatman, as Be emerged from a long jungle of rhetoric. That was tho worst of it. They all liked to, and they did. The ' stonowall was kept going till members were bo weary that they were willing to kill anything—even a Bill for the Regeneration of Mankind or tho Establishment of the Millennium. Then the Government moved to report progress, and the Bill was killed at midnight precisely. For fifty minutes more the House dragged on, and finally talked itself into a state of coma, and went homo.fr If nobody else remembers what the Legislative Council did on Thursday, the .Councillors will. They didn't do very much beyond rehashing their Wednesday remarks on boxing and on' J.P.s, but they put up their record for the session. Instead of adjourning in a leisurely and' dignified manner after twenty minutes of solemnity, they kept right on until just before five o'clock, and adjourned, looking , ten thousand years old.

The Premier was back in tho Houso on Thursday, and forthwith introduced *n Imprest Supply Bill, which gave member*) an opportunity to have several delightful hours in the mysteries of finance. The debate lasted for six and a hulf mortal houro of the bruin-fever type common to Imprest Supply Bills. Replying to the Leader of tuo Opposition, tho Premier took occasion to say it was his business to take a fatherly interest in things — which cxplniiiM many circumstances. If the proceedings in Parliament wero conducted on comic opera lines one could imagine the Piemier forthwith amplifying his remark in vun.es liko the following, ending up with a clog dance: 1 ha,ve paralysed Creation With the load of legislation That it's been my happy fortune to enact ; But the Act of which I'm proudest And of which I blare tho loudest Ls my celebrated Heavy Father Act. I've a wonderful capacity For limitless loquacity — I'm famous as a verbal cataract; But my chiefest claim to glory . - And renown in song and story Is my fascinating Heavy Father Act. When tho rival parties bicker, Re tho laws of land and liquor, I straddle with mv customary tact; And from my safe location I review tho situation With a Double-barrelled Heavy Father -Act. In what stupor are they sunken That they seek the blood of Duncan And demand that James M'Gowiyi shall be sacked? It is simply idiotic! Have thoy not tho Great Despotic Democrat to do tho Heavy Father Act! When tho world is wan and weary, And the Future dull and dreary, When with direful dreads and doubtings you aro racked, Fix your eye upon yours truly, Say tho word, and 1 will duly Soothe your troubles with my Heavy Father Act. In the course of the evening, tho Hon. C. H. Mills provided tho solo gleam of gaiety. "The finances of the colony are a simjolo nuiltcr," ho announced, with tho confident air of a "handcuff king." Then ho proceeded to expound the simplicity of tho figures that the Premier and Mr. Jas. Allen and similar inferior financial experts had failed to unravel, but as nobody listed to him, his explanation was lost, and an unillumincd universe- is still groping in the darkness. Tho Bill was eventually passed, and when the House adjourned at ten minutes to one a.m. members hurled themselves on to the road home with great velocity. The Ohamber emptied in three- seconds and a quarter.

Inspired, no doubt, by the necessity of doing something by way of protest against tho pollution of the Rand, tho Hon. J. Rigg gave notice yesterday of his intention to hurl a disrespectful pav-ing-stone at the British Government in tho shape of a motion denouncing tho introduction of Chineae slavery into South Africa, in spite of the fact that it might "not be inconsistent with tho policy of tho British Government."' -As soon as he recovered from the shock, Mr. Speaker insisted on the re-casting of the motion, on the ground that it was disrespectful to several individuals 16,000 miles away. Tho alteration was made, and tho Council toyed with boxing and inquests once more. The Houso had a day out on the Education Estimates, and broke all previous records for lengthy dullness. Mr. Seddon announced that the Licensing Bill was nearly completed, and would see the light of day and publicity next Tuesday. Prohibitionists say that this Bill will prove to be tho Premier's Waterloo, and as 'he will fir© the first shot on tho Land Tenure Armageddon the same day," noxt week should be a livoly ono. A bare quorum saw tho adjournment nt half-pawfc one o'clock this morning. The sensible people had gone home to bed hours beforo.