Going Into Society.

Evening Post, Volume LXVI, Issue 152, 24 December 1903, Page 10

Going Into Society.

At one period of It.i rovers**, the house fell into tho occupation of a nhowmnn. Ho was found registered i\a Ha occupier* on tho parish books of the time when ho rented tho house, nnd there \vn« therefore no nood of any clue to hia name. Hat, he himself was lew easy to bo found; for, ho hud led ft wandering life, nnd settled people had lost sight of him, mid people who plumed tUemtelves on being roapoctabl© were shy of admitting that they had ever known anything of him. At last, among tho marsh lancU near tho rivcr'a level, tliai lie about Dcptford And the neighbouring market-jjardens, a grizzled personage in velveteen, with a foe» so cut up by varieties of went-hor tJint ho looked as if ho had been tattooed, waa found smoking a pipo at the door of, a wooden hou«o on wheel*. Thd wooden hoiuw was laid up in ordinary for tho winter, near tho mouth of n muddy creek} and everything nenr it, tb.e foggy river, tho mUty marshos, nnd tho steaming market-gardens, smoked in* company with the grizzled man. In the midst of this smoking party, tho funnel-ehjmnoy of tho wooden houxo on' whwU wjis not remuss, but took its pipe with the real in a companionable manner. On being (uiked if it were he who had onco rented the Iloimo to Lot, Grizzled Velveteen looked surprised, nnd said yes. Then his name- w<ia Mngarvutn! 'J N lmt was it, Toby Magamfan— -which lawfully christened Robert; but called in tho Un©i. from au infant, Toby. Thero waa nothing agin Toby Miigsmnn, he believed! If there was suspicion of such—mention it! Thero was no suspicion of mioh, he might rest assured. But, some enquiries were making about that houso, and would he object to cay why ho left it? Nob at all t why should he ? Ho left* it, along of a. Dwarf, Along of a Dwarf? Mr. Magsman repeated, deliberately and emphatically, Along' 'of a Dwarf. Might it bo compatible with Mr. Magsman'a inclination and convenience to entor, na a favour, into a low particulars T Mr. Mngsman entered into the follow' ing particular*: It was a long time ago, to begin with— aforo lotteries nnd a deal more wn» done away^vith. Mi 1 . Mngsman wua looking about for a good pitch, and ho see that house, ttnd ho nay* to himself, "I'll have you, if you're to bo had. If money'll getyou, I'll have you." Tho neighbour* cut up rough, and made complaint* > but Mr. Mngßmnn don't know what they would have had. It was a lovely thing. First pf all, there was tho canvaxjs, repreaentin' tho picter of the Qmnt, in Spanish trunks and a ruff, who waa himself half tho hojghth of the house, nnd w«» run Up with a lino and pulley to a pole on tljo roof, po that hi» I'M was coeval with tho parapet. Then, thero was the canvass, repreaontin' the picter of tho Albina lady, showing her •white air to tho Army and Jtyvy in correct uniform. Then, there w«* tho canvass, represonthV tho picte-r of tho Wild Indian a scalpin' a member of some foreign nation. Then, thero was tho ran- ««•, repreflentin' tho pictw of a child of a British Planter, wUed by two Uoa Constrict ova— not that wo never hnd no child, nor no Constrictors neither. Similarly, thoro waa tho canviww. repreeeuUn' tho picter of the Wild Ass of tho Prairies —not that wo never hud no wild iuws, nor wouldn't liuvo had 'em at a- gift. La*t, thero woh tho canvass, representin the picter of tho Dwarf, and like him. too (conuiderin), with Gpchro tho Fourth in uucli a state of iirtoniulimwt «t him «a His Majesty couldn't with his ut »»osfc politeness and stoutness express. The front of th» houae waa oo covered with

caimiM>cs, that Uieio -wasn't a spark of daylight ovt'i- visible on that aide. "Magsman's Amusements," fifteen foot long by two foot high, ran over tho front door and parlour winders. The postages was a Arbour of green baize and gardenstuff. A. hnrrel-orgnn performed thero unceasing. And as to respectability— if threepence ain't respectable, what is? But, tho Dwarf i» tho principal article at present, and he waa worth the money. He wjlh wroto up as Major Tpsehoffki, of tho Imperial Bulgrndorian Brigade. Nobody couldn't pronounce tho name, nnd it never wus intended anybody should. Tho public always turned it, a» v regular rule, into Chopski. In tho lino he was called Chops; partly on that account, and partly because his real namo, if he ever had any real namo (which was very dubious), was Stakes. lie was an un-common small man, ho really was. Certainly not so small as he was mado out to bo, but where is your Dwnrf us is 7 110 was a most uncommon •flmnll man, with a most uncommon largo hi\ i and what ho hnd itwido that VA, nobody never knowed but himself; even supposin himself {o have over took stock of it, which it would have- been a stiff job for oven him to do. The kindest little man n» never grow, cd! Spirited, but not, proud. When ho travelled with the Spotted Baby— though ho knowed himself to ba a nnt'ral Dwarf, and knowed tho Baby's spots to bo put upon him artificial, ho nursed tlmt Baby like a mother. You never heerd him givo ti 111-namo to a Cliant. Ho did ullow himself to break out into strong lnnguugQ rtepectitv tho Fat Lady from Norfolk) but that wan an affair of the 'art; and! when a man's 'nrb has been trifled with by a lady, and the preference giv to a Indian, he ain't master of his actions. Ho was always in love, of course; ©very human nat'ral phenomenon is* And ho wo» always in lovo with a- largo woman; I never knowed tho Dwarf as «ould be got to love a small one. Which helps to Keep 'em tho Curiosities they are. One nlng'ler idea ho had in that Ed of hje, which must have meant something, or it wouldn't have been there. It was always hia opinion that he was entitled to property. Ifo never would put his name to anything. Ho had been taught to write, by, tho young man without arnia, who got his living with his toea (quite a writing master ho was, and taught scores in the lino), but Chops would have starved to death, nfore hoM have gained a bi"b of .bread by putting hia hand to a paper. . ThU to the more curious to bear in mind, because he had no property, nor hope of property, except hw Lioiuo in a earner. When 1 nay liis house, I mean tlio box, painted and got up outside like n reg'lar ebc-roomer, that he used to creep into, with a diamond ring (or quite a» good to look at) on his fowflngor, and ring a littlobell out of what tho Public believed to be the Draw-ing-room winder. And when I say snrser, 1 moan a Chancy saraer in which ho made a collection for himself nt the end of every Eutertuinmant. Hw cue for I that, ho took from me; "Ladies and gentlemen, the littlo man will now walk i three times round the Cairawan, nnd re* tiro behind tho curtain." When ho anid anything important, in private life, ho most.y wound it up with thi* form of words, and thoy was generally tho lnat thing he said to too at night afore h« weut 0,0 bod. He had wnnt 1 oonaldw a fine mind—a poetio mind. Ilia ideas reapectin his proparty nuver come upon him so strong h* when ho sat upon a barrel-orgaii and had the handle turned. After the, wi« bnuian had run through him a Uttle tithe, I he would "Sicreech out, "Toby, I feel my ! property doming— grind away I I count* J»g my guineas by thousands, Toby—, grind awuy I Toby, 1, bhail ba a man of fortuu ! I feel the Mint a jingling in me, Toby, nnd I'm auuHhig out into tlio Bunk of England 1" Such is tho influence of music ou a poetic mind. Not that ho was partial to any oihor musiq but a burruf-orgnn ; on tho contrary, hated it. lla had a kind of everlasting grudgo agin tko Public j which is a. thing you may notice in many phenomenon:! that get their living out ol it. What riled him most in the miter of his occupation wua, thut it key htm out of Society. 110 wus continiuaily tutyiug, "Toby, uiy ambition i«, to go into Society. The curvo of my position towntds tlio Public is, that it keeps mo hout of Society. This don't signify to a low beast oi a Indian ; ho au't lormed for Society. This don't signify ton Spotted Buby ; ho ant formed for Society — 1 am." Nobody never cuiud mnko out what ! Chops done with hia money. Ho bud <v good ciliary, : down on tho drum every Saturday as tho day como round, beside; having tho run of hia teeth— and he wns ft Woodpecker »to oat— but all Dwarfs are, Tno career wua a littlo income, bringing him in no many Jmlipenco that hod carry them for ti week together, tiod up in a pocket handkerchief. And yet he never had money. And it couldn't bo tho Fat Lady from Norfolk, us was once supposed j because it stands to reason that wh^n you have v uniimmty towards a Indian, which makes you grind your teeth at him to his faco, and which can hardly, hold you from loosing him audibly whon he's going through hia War Dance— it stands to renson you wouldn't under them circumstances deprive yourself, to support thut Indian in the lap of luxury. Most .unexpected, the mystery come out one day at Kghnm Knees. The Public waa shy of bom pulled in, and Chops wus ringin his little bell out of hia drawing-room winder, and wag snarlin to mo over his shoulder na he kneoled down with his legs out at the back door— for he couldn't be shoved into his house without kneeling down,, and the promises wouldn't uccommodato bis legs — was suarlin, "Here's a precious pub'.io for you ; why the Devil don't thoy tum> ble up?" when a mini in the crowd holda up a carrier pigeon, and cries out, "it there's any norson hero as has got iv ticket, tho Lottery's just drawed, and tlio number as bos come up for the great prizo is tkreo, seven, forty- two ! Tiree, voven, forty-two I" I was givia the man to the Furies myself, for wiling off tho Public's attention— for the Public will turn away, at any time, to look at anything in preference to the thing showed 'em ; and if you doubt it, get 'em together for ony individual purpose on the faco of tho earth, and send only two people in late, and sco .if the whole company ant far moro interested in • tukih particular notice of them two than o j you— l say, ,1 wasn't best pleased with the mnn for callin out, mid wasn't blousin him in my own mind, M-hen I see Chop's Uttle bell fly out of winder at a old lady, and he gets up and kicks his bo£ over, oxposin the whole secret, mid hO cfttehes hold of tho calves of my logs and he nays to me, "Carry mo into tho wan, Toby, and throw a pail of water over mo or I'm a dead man, for I'vo come into my property 1" ' Twelve thousand odd hundred pound, was Chops's winnins. He hod bought a half-tickoV for the twenty-five thousand prize, and it had como up, Tho lin>t u&e he mudo of his property, was to offer to fight the Wild Indian for five hundred poundN a side, him with a poisoned daru-in-ueedle and the Indian ivith a club , but the Indian being in want of backer!) to that amount, it. went no Author, Alter he had been mad for a week — in a. fctato of mind, in shoit, m wfricn, i| I had let him sit on the organ for only two minutes, I believo he would have bust — but wo kopt tho organ from him— Mr, Chops come round, M\d behaved liberal and beautiful to all. Ho then sunt for a young man he knowed, as hurt a wery genteel appearance, and vns n Bonnet nt a gamiug booth (most itspectable brought up, father aavhi ken imioinout in the livery stable line, bat.

Unforti'nato iv a commercial crisis, 'through puintin a old grey ginger-buy, and sellin him with a Pedigree*), nnd %ir. ' (Jhops said to this Bonnet, who baid his name was Normandy, which it wasn't ;*— "Normandy, I'm goin into Society. Will you go with me?" Says Normandy i "Do I understand you, Mi. Chops, to hintimnte that the ole of the expenses of that move will bo homo by yomself?" "Correct," says Mi\ Chops. "And you shall have a Prinoely allowance, too," Tho Bonnet lifted Mr. Chops upon a ohflir, to shake hands with him, and replied in poetry, with his eyes beemingly lul lof tears :—: — "My boat is on tho shore, ■ And my bnik is on tho sen, And 1 do not ask for more, But I'll Go—along with thee."' They went into Socioty, in a chny and four grays with silk jeukets. They took lodgings in Pall Mall, London, and they biased away. In . consequence of a note that waa brought to Bartlemy Fair in the autumn of next year by a servant, most wonderful got up in milk-white cords nnd tops, I cleaned myself, and went to Pall Mall, one evening appointed. The gentlemen was at their wine artor dinner, ami Mr. Chop's eyes was more fixed in that Ed of his than I thought good for him. There was three of 'em (iv company, I mean), and J. knovj-ed the third well. When last met, he had on a whito Roman shirt,, and a Bishop's mitre covered with leo-pard-skin, nnd played the clnrionet all wrong, in a band at a Wild Beaut Show. This gent took on not to know me, and Mr. Chops said : "Gentlemen, this is a old friend of former days : " and Normandy looked at me through a eye-glass, and said "Magsmnn, glad to see you!" — which I'll take my oath he wasn't. Mr. Chops, to gib him couvenionb to the table, hnd his chair on a throne (much of the form of George the Fourth's iv tho canvass), but he hardly appeared to me to be King there in any other pint | of view, for hu two gentlemen ordered about like Emperors. They was all dressed liko May Day — gorgeous |— -and as to Wine, they swam in all sorts. j I mado the round of the bottles, 'first separate (to say I "had done it) and then mixed 'em all together (to say I had done it), c>nd then tried two of era aa hulfnnd half, and then t'other two. Altogether I passed a pleasin evenin, but with a tendency to feel muddled, until I considered it good manners to get up and say "Mr. Chops, the best of friends must, part, I thank you for the variety of foreign drains yom hare stood so 'an« some. I looks towards you m red wine, and I takes my leave." Mr. Chops, replied, "If you'll juiit hitch mo out of this over your right arm, Magsman, and carry me down&taira, 111 sco you out." I said I couldn't thinl? of such n thing, bub he would havo it, so I lifted him off his throne. He smelt strong of Maideray, and I couldn't help thinking us I oarriedhim down that it was like carrying a. largo bottle full of wine, with a rayther : ugly stopper, a goocl deal out of pro* i portion. When I set him on the door-mat in the hnll, he'kep me clone to him by holding on to my coat.collar, and he whispers ; "I "ain't 'appy' Mapman.' 1 ♦'What's ou your mmd, Mr. Chops?" "They don't' use me well. They ant grateful to mo. They puts me; on the inantle-pioce when I won't have, in moro Champagne-wine,, and they looks me in the sideboard when I won't give up my property." "Gob rid of 'em, Mr. Chops." "1 can't, We're in society together, and what would Booiety sayr* "Como out of (society !" says I. "I can't. You don't know what you're talking about When you have once gone into society, you musn't come oub of ib," "Than, if you'll excuw the freedom, Mr. Chop#," were my remark, shaking my head grave, "I think it's a pity you evor went m." « Mr. Chops shook that deap £d of his, to <v nurpriaiu' extent, and shipped it half a docen times with hia hand, and with more Wice than I thought wero in him. Then he Bny», "You're a good fellow f bukyou don't understand. Goodnight, go along, , Mugaman, the little man will now walk three times round the Cairawan, and retire behind the curtain." The last I soe of him on thab occasion was his trvin', on the extremest woi-ge of insensibility, to climb up the utuirs, ono by one, with his handa and knees. They'd * have been much too steep for him . if he had ■ been sober ; but ne .wouldn't be helped. It warn't long after that, that I read in the newapnper»of Mr. Chops's being prevented nt court. It was printed, "It will bo recollected"— and I'vo noticed in my life, that ib in mire to be printed that it will be recollected, whenever it won I t-<>"that Mr. Chops is the individual of # small stature, whoso brilliant success in the last Statl lottery attracted so much attention." Well, I says to myself, such is lifel He has been and done it in earnest at last! Ho has astonished' George the Fourth I (On account of which, I had that canvass now-painted, him with a bag of money in hia hand, a presenting it to George tho Fourth, and a lady in Ostrich Feathers failhV in love with him in » bag-wig, sword, and buckles correct). I took the House na is the subject of present enquiriasT-though not the honour of hem' ucquiunted — nnd I run Magsman's Amusements in it thirteen months —sometimes one thing, sometimes another, sometimes nothiu* particular, bub always all the canvasses outside. Ono night, whea we had played the last company out, which waa a shy company, through ita raining heavens hard, I wus takin' a pipe in -the one pair back along with the young man with the toes, which I had taken on for a month (though he never drawed— except on paper), and I heard a kickin' at the street door. "Halloa!" I says to the young man, "what's up?" He rubs hia eyebrows with his toes, and ho cays, "I can't imagine, Mr. Magsman" — which he never could imagine notlihV and was monotonous company. The noise not leavin' off, I laid down my pipe, and I took up a candle, and I wenb down and opened the door. I looked oub into the street; but nothin' could I see, and nothin' was I aware of, until I turned round quick, because some creetur run hotveen my legs into the passage. There was Mr. Chops! "Mngsmnn," he says, "take me, on the old terms, nnd you've got me ; if it's dono, «ay done I" I was ull of a maze, but I paid, "Done, sir." "Dono to your done, and double done !" says he. "Have you gob a bit of supper in the house?" Beiirin' in mind them sparklin' warleties of foreign drains ns we'd guzzled uwny at in Pall Mull, I wns ashamed to otFcr him cold enssnges and gin and water ; but he took 'em both and took 'em free ; havin 1 ft chair for his table, and sittin' down at it on a stool, like hold times. I, all of a mage all the while. It wns arter ho had made a clean sweep of tho sasaigcs (beef, and to the best of my calculations two pound and a qufirter), that the wisdom as was in that littlo man began to come out of him like perspiration. "Mngsmnn," ho snye, "look upon me! You see a fort) you, ono as has both gone into society nnd come out." 4fO! You nrc oub of it, Mr. Chops? How did you get out, sir?" "Sold out!" pays he. You iiever saw tbo like of the wisdom as his Ed expressed, when he m a do use of them two words. "My friend Mogsman, I'll impart to you n discovery rye made. It'e vrallable.; it's cost twelv« thousand five

hundred pound j it may do you good in life. The secret of this matter is that it ain't so much thnt a person goes into society, as that society goes into a person." • Not exactly keepin' up with his meanin' I shook my head, put on a deep look, aud said, "You're right there, Mr. Chops." ( "Mngsman," he says, twitdlun' me by leg, "(society has gone into me, to the tune of every penny of my property." I felt that I went pale, and though hat'rally a bold speaker, 1 couldn't hardly say, "Where's Normandy t" "Bolted. With the plate," said Mr. Chopß. "And t'other one?" moaning him as formerly wore the blehop's mitre. "Bolted. , With the jewels," said Mr. Chops. I sat down and looked at him, and ho stood up and looked at me. "Magsman," he say», and he seemed to myself to get wiiser ns he got hoarser ; "society, taken in the lump, is ull dwurfe. At the court >of St. James's, they was all a doing my old business — all a goin' three times round the Cairawan, in the hold court suits and properties. Elsewhores, they was most of 'em ringin' their little' bells out of make-believes. Everyjvkeres, the saraer was a goin' round. Mngnman, the saiser is the uniwersal Institution !" I perceived, you understand, that he was soured by his misfortunes, and I felt for Mr. Chops. "As to fat ladies," says he, giving hiji head a tremendious one agin the wall, "there's lots of them in society, and worse than the original. Hers was a outrage upon taste — oimply a outrage upon taste — ■awakenin' contempt — carryin' its own' punishment in the form of a, Indian!" Hero he giv himself another tremendious one. "But theirs, Magsman, theirs is mercenary outrages. Lay in Cnshmeer shawls, buy bracelets, strew 'em and a lot of 'andsome fans and things about your rooms, let it be known that you • give away like water to all as come to admire and the fat ladies that/ don't exhibit for so much down upon the drum will come from all the pints of tho compass to flock about you, whatover you are. They'll drill holes in your 'art, Mngsman, like a Cullender. And when you've no more left to give, they'll laugh at you to your ffce, and leave you to have your bones picked dry by Wulturs, like the dead Wild Ass of the Prairies that you deserve to be !" Here he giv himself the most tremendious one of all, and dropped. J thought he was gone. His Ed wns 60 heavy, and he knocked it »o hard, nnd he fell ko stoney, and tho saeaagerinl disturbtwee in him must have been co immense that I thought he was gone. But, ho soon come round with cure, and ho sa{ up on tho floor, nnd he said to me, with wisdom comin' onb of his eyes, if '• ever it come : ■. — "Magsmnn I The most material difference between tho two states of existence thrgugh which your nna-ppy friend has passed ;" he reached oub his poor little hand, and hiu tears dropped down on the moustachio which it was a credit to him to have done his best to grow, but it it not in mortals to command success—"the difference is this. When I was out of society I was paid light for being seen. When I wenb into sociefy, I paid heavy for being soen. I prefer the former, oven if I wasn't forced upon it. Give me out through the trumpet in the hold way, to-morrow." Arter that, ho slid into the line again as easy ns if he had been iled all over. But the organ was kep from him, and no allusions was ever mnd,e, when a company was In, to his property. He got wiser every day'j hia views of society and the public wm luminous, bewilderln 1 , awful; and his Ed got bigger as his Wisdom expanded it. Ho took well, and pulled 'em in moit excellent for oine weeks. At tho expira,tion of that period, whon his Ed was a si^ht, ho expressed ono evenin', the last company havin' been turned out, and the door shut, a wish to have a littlo miibic. "Mr. Chopi," I said (I never dropped the "Mr." with him; th» world might do it, but not me) ; "Mr." Chops, aio you sure as you aie in a state of mind and body to sit upon tho organ?" His answer was thic : "Toby, when noxb met with on the tramp, i forgivo her and the Indian. And I am." It was with fear and trembling that I began to turn the handle j but he sat like a lamb. It will be my belief to my dying day, that I sco his Ed expand as ho sat j you may therefore judge how great his thoughts was. Hq ga t out all the changes, and then he come off. "Toby, ' ho says, with a quiet emile, "the little man will now walk three tipwt round the Cnirawan, nnd retire hehind the curtain." When we called him in the morning, we found him gone into a much better Booiety than mine or Pall Mall's. I giv Mr. Chops aa comfortnblo funeral as lay in my power, followed myself as chief, and had the George the Fourth canvass carried first, in the furin of a banner, But, the House was so dismal arterwords, that Tgiv it up, nnd took to the Wan ngnin. — Chnrlcs Dickens.