THE PHILANTHROPIST.

Evening Post, Volume LXIV, Issue 119, 15 November 1902, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE PHILANTHROPIST.

Biggs — "I had no idea old Graspifc was a philanthropist until I saw him circulating a petition yesterday for the purpose of raising money to enable a poor widow to pay her rent." Diggs — "Oil, Graspit's all right. , He owns the house the poor widow lives in." — Chicago News. Humoring his Customers. — Professor Ton Note — "You haf a vine collection oft' classic music here." Music-dealer — "That's for young ladies to look over previous .to asking for a, copy ".of 'The Honeysuckle an*l the Bee,'" . The Doge had jusd cast a ring into the Adriatic, thus wedding Venice lo lh,o sea. "She has certainly married ' an old soak," remarked a bystander. At this v the" Campanile so shookj its sides with laughter that ia a brief thousand years it fell down! Her Papa — "Yo' aspiah ter marry mah daughtah, sah? H'ni. What am yo'r < piospec's?" The Suitor (a widower) — .uoery single one ob de pussons fo' ..whom, mah late lamented, wife" done washiii' v '"f o' ■ hub promised ter - liber'ly paternize her iaiccessah." " .vßV.e^for Success. — "What is your rule of business — your maxim V" the Wallslreeb baron wks asked; "Very simple," lie Answered ; ! 'I pay for something that »I can't get, with -money that I haven't got, arid then sell what I never had for more than it ever cost." Tess— "He lised ' to take me to the theatre every other evening or so, but one evening when we were sitting 'in the parlour, I foolishly allowed him to kiss me." i'Jess — "What has that got to do with the theatre?" Tess — "Well,' now he wants, to sit in the parlour all the time." "Yessuh, I don bin ter de t'eayter," •said r arson Snowflake, "an' I seen dese ' hyuh 'membahs o' mah race a-actin' on de stage, too. An' I jes' got dis ter say — ds cullud actah am a moughty pb'r imertation ob de white man's miertatioa ob de cullud man." , Dora— ''How many times did you refuse Jack before you accepted him?" Ethel— ;" Only once. He seemed so discouraged I was afraid to try again." '"See here," protested the charitable man, "you touched me for a , quarter last weeky and .here you are again." "Well gee* whizz !" exclaimed the beggar," ''ain't you earned anything since?" , .a Harassing Doubt— "Oh, .Maggie, if I could only malic myself believe dat ho loves me for myself, an' not because mo mudder keeps er fruit-stand 1" "Well," said the lady who was endeavouring to give the widow consolation on the .\l'ay home- from the cemetery, "the worst' is over now." "I'm afraid not," answered the afflicted one; "the lawyer says there's a bad flaw in one of the "insurance policies." "Can she" remember what happened on her twenty-sixth birthday?" ' "Yes, she was just eighteen." Captain Smythe (a good soldier, but no society man, to his hostess) — "T have to- thank you, Mrs. Blown, for an, evening- which has been — cr — after two years on the veldt, most enjoyable." In the cemetery at Middlebury, U.S., is a stone, erected by a widow' to her loving -husband,' bearing this inscription: "Rest -in peace — until we meet again." It is a very crooked and uneven path that, leads away from the gilded bar. Slrappes— ''Five pounds for a bonnet I Madam, it is a crime !" Mrs. S. "Well j the crime will be on my own head." I On the shore — "How sweet it would bo to live alone with you in yonder lighthouse!" he whispered, tenderly. "Yes," she murmured, abstractedly • "and do 1 light housekeeping." Kealistlc Music— "Any new features <\t the Jnnsicale?" "Oh, yes, Mr. Brixqiio sang 'Old Kentucky Home/ with a pistol obhgato. " ■ • x