MR. DOOLEY ON ANCESTORS,

Evening Post, Volume LX, Issue 114, 10 November 1900, Page 3 (Supplement)

MR. DOOLEY ON ANCESTORS,

During the Presidential campaign in the United States both. Republicans and .Democrats, in discussing the policy of Imperialism, have .frequently cited the opinions of the fathers of the constitution. Mr. Dooley, in Harper's Weekly, calls it "ancestor worship" : —"What I'd like to know is what Thomas Jefferson knew about the throubles iv ye an' me? Divvle a wurrud have I to say again lhomas. He was a good man in his day, though I don't know that his battin' av'rage 'd be high again th' pitchin' iv these times. I have a gr-reat xayspict fr th sages, an' I beKeve^ in namin' sthreete an' public schools afther tkim. But suppose Thomas Jefferson was to come back here now." Th*n Mr. Dooley imagines a talk between Jefferson and himself on election prospects:— "'How does it go?' says Thomas. 'Well,' says I, 'it locks as though loway was sure Raypublican,' says I. 'loway?' says he. What's that? 1 says he. 'loway,' says I, 'is a state,' says I. 'I niver heerd iv it,' says he." 'Faith, ye did not,' says I. But it's a state, just th' same, an' full iv corn an' people,' I says. 'An' why is it Raypublican .'' says he. 'Because,' says j I, 'th' people out there is fr hdldin' th' Ph'lippeens,' says I. 'What th' diwlfe ar-re the Ph'lippeens?' says he. 'Is it a game,' says he, 'or a food?' he says. 'Faith, 'tis small wonder ye don't know,' says I, Tr 'tis mysilf was weak on it a year ago,' I says. ' 'Th' Ph'lippeens is an isue,' says I, 'an' islands,' says I 'an' public nuisances,' I says. 'But,' I says, 'befur© we go army further on this subject,' I1I 1 says 'd'we know where Minnysota is, or Westconsin, or Utah, or Californya, or .Texas, or Neebrasky?' says I. 'I do not,' says he. • 'D'ye know that since ye're death there has growed up th' shore iv Lake Mitchigan a city that wud make Rome look like a whistlin'-station — a city that has a popylation iv eight million people till tb/ census rayport comes out?' I. says. 'I niver heerd iv it,' he says. 'D'ye know that I can cross th' ocean in six days, an' won't ; that if annything doesn't happen in Chiny I can lam about it in twinty-four hours if I care to know ; that if ye was in Wash'n'ton I cud call ye up be tillyphone.an' ye'er wire 'd be busy?' I says. 'I do not,' says Thomas Jefferson. 'Thin,' says I, 'don't presume to advise me,' I says, 'that knows these things an imanny more/ I says. 'An' whin ye go back where ye come fr'm an' set 4own with th' r-rest iv th' sages to wondher whether a man cud possibly go fr'in Richmond to Boston in a week, tell thim,' I says, 'that in their day they r-run a corner grocery, an' to-day,' says , I, 'we're op-ratin' a sixteen -story department store an' puttin' in ivry thing fr'm an electhriclightin' plant to a set iv false teeth,' I says. An' I hist him on his horse, ask a polisman to. show him th' way home."