HELPING THE NEEDY.

Evening Post, Volume LX, Issue 102, 27 October 1900, Page 2 (Supplement)

HELPING THE NEEDY.

A certain trooper in one pf the Yeomanry regiments when about to embark for South Africa, was asked what part of his pay he intended to devote to tho main- | tenance of his wife during liis absence. Being a gentleman of large private fortune^and knowing that his wife had several thousands a year in her own right, he replied "Nothing." He was told, however, that? deductions would be made ; and during his ab^nce at the front his wife will have the pleasure of receiving! periodical remittances from the authorities at tho rate of 4d per day, earned by her husband. At a missionary meeting — "From Ice* land's greasy mountains" was announced the other day from a pulpit instead of the first line of a well-known missionary hymn. "Let me tell you, sir, that poem cost me a week's hard labour," said a poet. "Is that all?" exclaimed the editor who had read it. "If I'd had the passing of the sentence you'd have got a month." Little Boy (pointing to wind6w of in-dia-rubber shop) — "Whtyt are those?" Mamma — "Those are diving suits, made all of india-rubber, so that the diver won't get wet." Little Boy — "I wish I had one." Mamma--" What for, my dearY" Little Boy — " To wear when you wash me." Hypnotist — "That subject is now completely under my control. None of you can rouse him from his hypnotic sleep. You can pull his hair, stick prns into him, take away his coat or purse — — " Subject (starting up)— " Stop there. I'll let my hair be pulled out, but if I'm going to bo robbed my wages must be raised on the spot." ; "I think," remarked Mifls Cayenne, slowly, "that Mrs. Chillinsby is one of the. comparatively few peoples who are worth cultivating." "Her manner is nol<i effusively . cordial." "No j she refrained from saying that she 'was overwhelmed with joy at seeing me, and she did not express any great anxiety that we Bhould' meet again. Such candoW and sincerity are only too rare in this life." New Use for a Telephone Pole. — " George Brinckerhoff , there was a wretch here to-day who told me lie Was going to put a telephone pole in front- of our house." "Well." "I told him I didn't want it there, and ho claimed you wouldn't object. ' Why,' he said, ' your husband will be tickled to death to have something to balance up against' while 1 he's negotiating for admittance at 2 a.m."' "By George, Maria, I never thought of that. Good idea." Of- one of Mr. Thomus Fftcd|a piotui'es the following good «tory is told: — Two ladies, both of whom Wore rather dense, were looking at a picture in the Royal Academy by, Mr. Fned entitled "His Only I'u.ir." The artist had depicted v poor boy sitting up in bed and eutiiig nai orange, while his hard- working mother mended tho boy's one pair of breeches. One lady looked nt the picture with searching gaze, und then remarked to hnv companion — " 'His Only Pair?' I don't call thut a pear at all ; it's an orange the boy is easing !" A certain colonel on the staff of one of Grant's generals was much given to novel-reading, and went about with his saddlo-bUgs Bluffed full of thrilling romances. For weeks ho had been devouring un English translation of Victor Httjo's "Los Mi&erublcs." One day, while passing through a Confederate town, ho saw a young lady seated on a porch, and, flopping luk horse, bowed to nor with all tho grace of n Chesterfield, and endeavoured to engage hoi 1 in conversation. Bo fore ho had gone far ho took occasion to remark : " Huvo you seen ■'Los Miserables'r' anglicising the pronunciation. Her black eyes snapped with indignation as she tartly repUea : "Don't you talk to me that way ; they're, a good deal better than Grant's miserubles, anyhow i"