Told at the Lyre Club

Evening Post, Volume LX, Issue 102, 27 October 1900, Page 1 (Supplement)

Told at the Lyre Club

♦ The rules of Lyre Club were not unlike tho famous Caucus Race in " Alice in Wonderland " ; wo started membership when we liked, and we dropped it when we felt inclined. Moreover, we did as we pleased, and we all admired each other. The name of the club was considered, by our enemies, to be very felicitous. When I hold' forth on the Liars, as we called ourselves, I like to talk of the Silent Member, who always thought the truth, and of Nicholas Felix Hankey. Hankey was an American, with a long, sallow face ; mild, twinkling blue eyes, and the smoothest of straw-coloured hair. Hankey was a man of many experiences, according to his own account. He had "run" a variety show in Detroit with astounding success ; he had caused a sensation in New York as a comedian ; he had' practically managed the biggest theatre in Chicago for years, and he had played a Shakespearian season in a Californian mining camp. "I've never been 'left' yet, and I guess I never shall be !" said Nicholas Felix Hankey to a small crowd of the Liars, on a certain night that I well remember. * •-' ' ' . ''*'• Hankey talked quickly, with a, mixture of American, slang and fairly good English, Once he told us. ho was a Yale man, but on another occasion that the first twenty-five years of his life had been spent on a ranch in Kansas. "So you don't know the- meaning of failure, Hank?" said our secretary. " No !" answered- Hankey ;"I generally wriggle through a tight place, and, though I've been in the soup, I always came out swimmingly. Talking of failure — say! Have any of you' boys ever stranded? No? Yes? Have I? I ,should smile !" j.j.ankey wa3 in the habit of asking questions and answering them himself, and he usually addressed the Silent Member. "I stranded in Sacramento onee — capital of California — great place — peaches as big as my head — fact ! ! It was like this," continued Hankey, printing his name in fancy letters on the blotting paper with a stylographic pen while he talked. "I had toured 'Frisco with an entertainment company, ' The Rankey Wonderland,' but business was bad — nice clean little show, too. Well, tTaere was Teddy Hopper, his wue, old Jonnson, and myself, with not a cent, to call our own — bust up! What could we do? " Old Johnson wanted to put up Tom, for Uncle Tom's Cabin, you know, always goes with niggers and a bloodhound. Teddy had a scheme for go', ting up a lecture on electric belts — hundred dollar prizes at every stow — but it wanted capital. " Then I thought of a fake to , beat tRe band. You boys ever tnought of a real good fake? No? 1 Well, it was just this — the fake of the Jumping Lady!" Hankey carefully screwed the top on his stylographic "pen, tipped his chair back, and smiled blandly on tho listening Liars. "Now I guess you've all seen champion jumpers — men who just leap like deer, all muscle and spring. Yes? But a jumping lady! Say, if any of you boys have ever hear*d or dreamed of a champion jumping lady, I'll pay him 500 dollars right now, plank it down, on this table." The Silent Member took out hi 3 cigar, seemed inclined to speak. „ but changed his mind and wenb on smoking. " Wei!, Teddy Hopper was a bright little coon, and his ,wife had the courage of Teddy's convictions. Say, I can see us now, sitting, like' Congress in the two-by-nine parlour of the Washington Hotel. "'Wai, what's this scheme o' yours, Nick?' says old Johnson, with his slow, kind o' lost-soul drawl. "Teddy was all alive with interest, and Mrs. Teddy v was eating pea nuts and toffy at the same time. She was a cute little Avoman, with curly hair and an oven row of the whitest teeth I've ever seen — and I know, for I once did a big business as an ivory puller myself, but that's nothing to do with the case. " ' What v de you folks say to rushing the novelty of a Jumping Lady on the American public'?' I asked. Johnson whistled, and Teddy's face was a mark of interrogation. " 'I say — great !' exclaimed Mrs. Teddy. " Then I harangued, . and they were spell-bound. Say 1 They were dazed ; they just wilted ! Old Johnson was riled, he couldn't see anything in it. But Teddy and Mrs. Hopper were crazy with excitement ; they danced, they sang, they — they — just stood on tlieir heads!" said Nicholas Felix Hankey, gravely. " ' But how did you teach her to jump?" asked a youthful Liar, staring at the cool- American. " Don't you understand this thing was a fake?" said Hankey. "Yes, you do? Very well. Now, I'll just tell you how to build up a champion jumper. . "Over' the shoulders and down the back to the waist was a kind o' stiff iron and leather brace, same . as you wear to be swung about tho stage — Puck — that sorb o' thing. Then there was,»a strong, wide girdle, a conglomeration of straps, elastic- and wire, all attached to a couple of springs — say ! enormous springs ! — on the hips of the jumper. Well, these springs were connected with two more unuer tho heel and the ball of the foot " —Hankey gave this description at a rattling specd — " and by a sudden pressure to the hips the whole darned machineiy came into action, and she jumped !" , Hankey took breath, and smoothed his 1 fair hair with both hands before he went on. " Yes, that's so, she jumped ! Now Mrs. Teddy was a light weight, about a hundred and five pounds, but she wanted practice before she got the thing down fine. "Say, I shan't forget the first time she fixed herself up. They loaned us the hotel dining-room. Teddy and I kept guard at the door, and old Johnson stood by the window. " Now, Maiine, let 'er whirl !' says Ted, and his wife pressed her hands and her heels down on those springs, and took a jump at the same minute. "Say, she cleared a chair easy, but managed to light on old Johnson and just sent him flying. "Well, sir, we perfected that thing, leu..y and I, in less than a month. Mrs. Teddy was one of tho little, wiry girls who take the bit between their teeth and work till they drop. " Then we bought out old Johnson, and I started on the road as advance man for the marvellous Jumping Lady." "Where did you geb the money, Hank?" . interrupted the secretary. " Money !" exclaimed 'Hankey. " Why, I sold my watch first thing— presentation watch from the citizens of Council Bluffs. I was Mayor of tho Bluffs <at dne time — don*t stop my flow of silver oratory " I managed to book o date at the Sacramento Musee, and Mrs. Teddy went immense. Then we got a week at tihe Variety House, a step higher up.' Then

back to 'Frisco, and & show at the Or-phemn-^b'ooked return dates on the first night. " Teddy and I worked like niggers, and, as for Mrs. Teddy, she was a little peach ! We gob the most gigantic 'ads' in the 'Frisco papers. 'Chat with the Jumping Lady,' • Whab tho Jumping Lady eats and. drinks,' 'The Jumping Lady in her peaceful home,' and all ttiat sort of thing. " Time wenb on, and we worked our way to New York City, creating a furore in every place. " Say ! there wasn't a man jumper to beat her turn, .jut the old original machinery commenced to show the result of wear and tear. " ' You must make me a new rig-oub, Nick!' says Mrs. Teddy bo me. "'Wait till we get to London, England,' says Teddy Hopper} for we'd just gob an engagement at your big Pendragon Music Hall. So we waited. But there was something of a hustle when we arrived here, more than I reckoned on. a I' But I set to work at the new apparatus, while Teddy and his wife waltsted. round London, and saw everything there is to see in your city in one week." • 5 "Oh!" said the Silent Member, but Hankey took no notice of' him, and continued : "In consequence of this chasm' and worryin' over London Mrs. Teddy had too time to practice with the new springs— you should always practice?" Say! when I was an organist in ono of the New England lowns I practised solid for five hours a day — but that's nothing to do with this. "Our opening night at the Pendragon arrived. The house *was crowded, and the Jumping Lady had the best place in the programme. • "When Mrs. Teddy camo out of her dressing-room, she looked elegant, in a short, white dress, just sparkling with diamonds ; , she was obliged to wear high, soft boots, wrinkled like a suede glove, bub they didn't look clumsy from the front. '"Nick, I wish I'd practised with these springs. I don't know as I can manage, such great, powerful things !' she whispered, as we three stood together. " ' Don'b be scared,' I answered, though I felb a little queer myself, 'you'll just fly over the brougham to-night! Keep cool and press hard — there's your number going up now — luck!' "The orchestra broke into a lively tune and Mrs. Teddy ran on, to the stage. " Teddy and I looked as far forward as we dqred. She began with the usual telling leap over the backs of half-a-dozen chairs. Say ! I'd never seen her jump so high. Ib just fynade me blink ! "There was something wrong. I looked round at Teddy. His eyes were just glued on the stage. He gripped hold of my arm and pointed. * I turned again towards the lady " ' It's the new springs !' gasped Teddy. 'Look at her! Nick, old boy, she can't stop !' " Yes, sir, that was the downright sober truth! I've never seen such a sight— jump, jump, jump! The leader quickened his time, ntkl the audience commenced to laugh. "Bub nothing disconcerted the champion lady. Over -the table, over the chairs— jump, jump, jump! She cleared the brougham at a single bound. The audience began to shout. We both made a urcak for the stage. , , • "We were too late. She leapt over our heads to the howls of Ihe crowd in front ; she cleared tho footlights ; she was down in tho stalls — jump, jump, jump ! ' Hankey had bounded to his feet as ho described that extraordinary scene' in the Pendragon Music Hall, but when this point was reached he dropped quietly into his chair and again smoothed his neat hair. "Well," he went on, "wo just- gavo chase. A man in the front row — goodlooking fellow, who afterwards offered mo six thousand dollars for my patent of the jumping springs, but I couldn't sell for a, like that — we gave chase, Teddy, he, and I. "Say! She went down Piccadilly flying ! She cleared a 'bus easy at the bottom of Waterloo-place ! I nearly caught her myself in the Euston-road. At Nunhead Cemetery the man from the front row sort of slowed up a bit. " ' Come- on !' says Teddy, and we came on ! , , " Say ! That was a great night, and those wonderful springs of mine only gave out at twenty-five minutes to 5 on the following morning. - The Jumping Lady was a little bit mad, and Teddy had collapsed on tho high road about ten miles back, so that the man from the front row and I brought her home by the workman's train." , Nicholas Felix Hankey smiled again on tho sceptical Liars, and turned to the Silent Member, who always thought the truth. ■ l . "Now, don't you tell me that's all a bluff!" said Hankey. "The Jumping Lady was an elegant fake." "I believe you, Heinle?' murmured the Silent Member, "for I was the man in the front row." — Peggy Webling, in M.A.P.