SWALLOWED THE TICKET.

Evening Post, Volume LVI, Issue 74, 24 September 1898, Page 2 (Supplement)

SWALLOWED THE TICKET.

The absent-minded man took his seat at the restaurant table, and, as usual, buried his face at once in a newspaper. ' What shall I bring you, sir ?' asked the waiter. 'What's that?' said the absent-minded

Grocer: Woll, little one, what can I do j for you ? Polly : PloaHe, sir, mamma bayH will you change a sovereign for her, an' ■ sho'll give you the sovereign to-morrow P Dorothy (to her :'namina) : Never mind, when I get to heaven I'll do ifc anyway, and you won't nfcop me. Mamma :"Why^ won't I ? Dorothy Becauso you won't be there. She : You say you would do anything for me, Charlie? Charlie (fervently): I would, darling. She : Well, you know how fiightf ully red my hair is. I want you to dye yours red, just to keep me in countenance. Obdurate.— The Cook: It's th' sicond complaint an' it'll be th' last. O'll lave whin mo month is up ! Master of the House: But, Bridget The Cook: That'll do, sorr ! I'll lave at th' end of me month, though I did intend to give yez another month's thrial ! Mr. Arthur Roberts is telling a story more or less against himself — but with bib usual geniality he doesn't mind that. He tells j how, having to get up very early one day, he was bathed, dressed and breakfasted, and out on the doorstep by half-past eight. There he was greeted by the local constable with a cheery ' Good-night, Mr. Roberts.' 1 Ma, may Igo out to play ?' 'No ; you must sit still whero you are.' (Pause.) 'Ma, may I go down into the kitchen?' 'No; I want you to sit perfectly quiet.' (Pause.) •Ma, mayn't I sit on the floor and play marbles ?' ' I have told you that I want you to sit just where 'you are and be quiet, and I mean exactly what I say.' (Pause.) { Mv, may I grow?' ' John ! John !' exclaimed Mrs. Perkins, ' wake up, I hear a burglar downstairs !' Mr. Perkins jumped up hurriedly, put on bin trousers and slippers, and rushed from tho room. After he had been silent for a minute or two, Mrs. Perkins called: • John ! John i Where are you, John ?' 'Here I am,' Mr. Perkins answered. ' What on earth are you doing up in tho atlicP' Mrs. Perkins shrieked. <Why,' replied Mr. Perkins, ' didn't you say he was downstairs ?'