F A C E T I E.

Evening Post, Volume XX, Issue 213, 11 September 1880, Page 4

F A C E T I E.

A child, being asked what was the three great feasts of the Jews, promptly and not unnaturally replied, " Breakfast, dinner, and supper." Mending Matters. — " How could you think of calling auntie stupid ? Go to her immediately and tell her you are sorry." Freddy goes to auntie and says, "Auntie, I am sorry you are so stupid." A lift Wanted. — An ambitions young writer having asked, "What magazine will give me the highest position quickest?" was told, "A powder magazine, if you contribute a fiery article." A Straight " Tip." — Tramp : Whose 'ouse is this, sir? — Gardener: Squire Noakes'. — Tramp : Do you think I could get anything there ?— Gardener : Well, I don't know ; the last o' your sort got 21 days. The Old and the New.— Franklin wrote : " He that by the plough would thrive, himself must either hold or drive." The Yankee version is, " He that by his trade would rise, must either bu«t or advertise." The Long and the Short of it. — We can't ccc why the Lord Chamberlain should always bo objecting to the shortness of balletdresses. Why, he is himself only " dressed in a little brief authority." The Right Estate.—" For man," says Mr. Talmage, " marriage is the only estate that i| right." And if he marries a "society" wbman he is lucky at the end of the year if h£ finds any estate that is left. Modern Progress. — Two centuries ago not one in a hundred wore stockings. Fifty years ago not a boy in a thousand was allowed to run at large at night. Fifty years ago not a girl in a thousand made a waitmg-maid of her mother. Wonderful improvements in this age. A boy, whose father was rather an immoderate drinker of the moderate! kind, °2S- 7 sprained his wrist, and hia mother utilised the whisky in her husband's bottle to bathe the little fellow's wrist with. After a while the pain began to abate, and the child surprised his mother by exclaiming " Ma, has pa got a sprained throat '?"