MISCELLANY.

Evening Post, Volume XV, Issue 211, 8 September 1877, Page 1 (Supplement)

MISCELLANY.

Precocious Youth.— " Mother, have I any children ?" asked an urchin of eight summers. " Why, no ! What put that into your head?" returned the parent. " Because I read to-day about children's children," answered the acute juvenile. Practical Mechanics. — A man made a bet that he could ride a fly-wheel in a sawmill, and as his widow paid the bet, she remarked, " William was a kind husband, but he did not know much about flywheels." Too Cruel.— Car stops; smiling young lady enters ; every seat full ; an old gentleman rises at the other end. " Oh, don't rise I" says the lovely girl; "lean just as well stand." " You can do just as you please about that, miss," says the old man, " but I'm going to get out " Useful Child. — A Danbury couple have a nice little girl of some live summers. A lady visitor lately observed to the mother, " What a pretty child you have ! She must be a great comfort to you." " She is indeed," said the fond mother. "When I'm mad at John, I don't have to speak to him. She calls him to bis meals, and tells him to get up the coal and other things that I want. She is real handy. Mutual Politeness. — Spanish robbers are very polite. An Englishman was once accosted on a lonely road by a ruffian. " Sir," Baid he, "you have my coat on; may I trouble you for it?" The Englishman drew a pistol and told the fellow he was mistaken. "Sir," said the robber, "I psreeive that I am. Will you do me the honor to communicate your name, that I m=»y remember it in my prayere ? " At Church. — Don't go to sleep during the first part of yuur minister's sermon. At least pay him the compliment of supposing that he will be both instructive and entertaining. If, however, after fifteen minutes you feel drowsy, you can go to sleep with a quiet conscience, because you have given him a fair chance to keep you awake, and he couldn't do it. Circumstances Alter Cases, — "Now, then, state your case," said a Detroit lawyer the other day as he put the sdol bill away in his vent pocket. " Well," began his client, " suppose the man living •next door wants to put a barn right up against my line, coming within two feet of my house?" "He can't do it, sir— can't do any such thing," replied the lawyer. "But I want to put my barn right up against his line," remarked the client. " Oh— ah — yes, I see. Well, sir, go right ahead and put your barn there. All the law in the case is on your side." — Detroit Free Press. Unreasonable Fear. — Did you ever hear the story of the Presbyterian clergyman at sea. It was told to ba by a Monsignor, so it must be proper. Anyway, if you don't approve of it, do not repeat it. Among a large number of passengers on board a steamer which was "caught in a terrible storm was a Presbyterian minister. Most of the passengers were very much frightened, but the minister grew so livid with despair, that one of the crew was prompted to remark to his mate, " I say. Bill, d'ye see what a f funk ' the pa'son's in ? Why, dash my lee scuppers, he's more afeard o' going' to 'eav'n than we are o' going' to 'ellX"—^Whitehall Review. A Disappointment. — Not long ago an aged lady of Fontainebelu shuffled off this mortal coil under the auspices of a physician who had attended her for close on a quarter of a century. She left a large amount of property, and, grateful to the local Esculapius for the tender care with which he had seen to her many ailments, she left him a legacy. The bequest was contained in a huge oaken trunk. The precious box was conveyed by swift hordes to the happy legatee. With eager fingers the key was turned iv the lock ; with widely opened eyes its contents were scannedr The box contained all the drugs and potions which had been supplied to his deceased patient during the whole time she had been under his care I The Blue Glass Care. — A Sacramentan who had heard and read a great deal about the blue glass cure, concluded that he would try it for rheumatism. Ho accordingly procured half a dozen panes, inserted them in the window of his bath-room, and took a "sun-bath," according to the prescribed formula, for three successive days. His wife had been away from home, and when she returned she was delighted to hear that the new cure had done her husband a wondrouß amount of good. He was eager to have her see the new window, and sh&ielt considerable curiosity on the subject herself, bat on entering the bath-room she burst into a fit of laughter, which was explained a moment later by her ejaculation : " That's your mazarine blue glass ! Why, goosey, that isn't blue ; that's green !" He doesn't feel so well now. — Sacramento Union.