PARACHUTE-JUMPING

Dunstan Times, 13 May 1935, Page 6

PARACHUTE-JUMPING

INVITATIONS DECLINED

Parachute jumping from aeroplanes or from tall towers is said to be an increasingly popular pastime in Russia. A first prize of two guineas and a second prize of one guinea were ottered by the ‘Manchester Guardian tor a specimen letter (in not more than a hundred words) declining, with reasons, an invitation to a parachute-jumping Now that we are all becoming “ airminded ” and the children ot all nations are being supplied with aeioplanes that when wound up Hy long solo flights by themselves, parachute jumping certainly deserves to become a popular sport among adults We regretted to observe, therefore (remarks the ‘ Guardian ’) that many of our competitors declined the invitation to a parachute-jumping party for no more subtle reason than that they lacked the necessary courage. We do not pietend ourselves to be experts on the subject, but we are inclined to think that the parachute apparatus seldom fails to function adequately and that therefore the main danger is landing on some unexpected glasshouse or nettle clump. THE BEST EXCUSE. Other competitors put forward semiphilosophic justifications for remaining on the ground, reasons which no doubt militate equally against riding in aeroplanes. In a word, we grieve to dub them unairminded. Such folk must be made to dip into Father Christmas s bag with the children. For example, “ Aunty Flo,” of Kendal, who thinks that “if God had meant us tq fly He would have given us wings, might find a nice air bomber. , v ~ The first prize goes to M. L. VVatts, 42 Queen’s avenue, Woodford Green, ES Dear Clarissa,—Thanks for your invitation. But—Russia . . • 'U‘£ t the tiniest bit demode, don t you think, darling? All the best people are going to Germany these days. So hihch more fearsome and hair-raising. Not but what I’m sure you’ll have the loveliest time with your parachuting. All the dear old buffers who flew in the war tell me it was the craze in the days ot their giddy youth. I’ll write and tell you all about the German thrills—it I’ve not been completely purged out ot existence. I hope you won t find the parachuting too tame by comparison, —Evadne. . , „ , T , The second prize goes to George 1. Hay 7 Bude Gardens, Chowdene, Low Felt’ Co Durham: I am distressed about your kind invitation, for ever since reading Einstein’s book, which I didn’t understand, I have been tortured by secret fear that gravity is losing its force. Consequently, great heights fill me with dread of falling upwards into space. 1 should hate, then, to spoil your party bv being the first human being to slip off the earth ami fail to return. You will understand, I am sure, and forgive my absence. ~ V.S.—-If anyone asks, please tell them 1 have measles or am afraid ot breaking my precious neck, anything really except ray dreadful secret. A plausible explanation ot refusal, from London, W.B, was this : . My dear Hugo ,—What an original idea for a party! You know how 1 hate refusing a good invitation, but this time I simply must. Definitely. You see, I’ve got the most paralytic head for heights. Absurd, isn’t it, in these days of skyscrapers and stratospheres? I once looked down nom the top of Notre Dame and only saved myself by clutching on to a gargoyle. It was too humiliating; Of course, the sensation must bo marvellous; just hke floating, without getting wet. But the preliminary business of leaving the ground would spoil my fun. —Happy bindings.—Max. A good imitation of P. G. vv odehouse came from Windermere, which would have been awarded a prize had the word limit not been foolishly overstepped : m , Dear Tvippy,—touching proposed parachute jumping: ' following; my invariable custom, I consulted Jeeves, a bird renowned for his bulging brain. “ I shouldn’t recommend it, sir, he SU “ Why, Jeeves? An exhibition of enterprise and daring—raising Die Wooster banner aloft, what? —might induce my Aunt Agatha to reconsider her usual description of me as a vapid wastrel.” _ . “ Well, sir, you might inadvertently omit to pull the safety cord, with unpleasant consequences. Secondly, the attire adopted by parachutists is exceedingly unbecoming. Thirdly, a vital point, the contest is scheduled for 10 a.m., an hour prior to your habitual breakfast time. 1 should return_ a categorical refusal to Mr Glossop’s invitation.” “Enough, Jeeves,” I replied, deeply moved by the man’s arguments, cogent, I. mean to say, what? So no parachuting for Bertram. However, the report of the inquest shall engage our attention, —Yours, —Bertie.” Among some other letters worthy ot commendation was one from Wigan explaining that, while the writer, an advertising agent, was too busy to be present, he would be glad to send his .-terrier Dinky instead, especially if he might be permitted to wear the materials of the firm in which his master was interested. Then there was a gentleman (in Bristol) who would have been delighted to be present if it were not for a previous appointment with Ids dentist, and as he had twice failed to turn up “ I would be branded as a coward if I didn’t turn up this time.” A London, W. 9, entrant thought that the parachute descent “ must in the turmoil and uncertainty of this modern age afford an unusual opportunity for meditation and reflection.” . Then there was a not impossible effort from a supporter of the National Government, one of those whom, we venture to prophesy, will fail to ride the whirlwind of the next general election : “ Dear Rash, —Really, old chappy, I’m afraid I must veto your ‘ invite.’ I know that hurtling from the stratosphere, high-gutters, and what not is trifling in itself; yet, recalling that the Communist cads sponsor .it, don’t you think it’s, well—rather lowering, what! And you know, as an M.P. my moral character is sleuthed after, and to go down when my Government tells me to go up, and up, and up, well—esprit do corps for ever, what! So you see, old chappy, It’s utterly ‘ imposs ’ for me to show my ‘ airmindedness,' but bon voyage.—Wary.”