Page 3 Advertisements Column 4

Dunstan Times, Issue 2678, 11 August 1913, Page 3

A COINCIDENCE. | - Time hoar was late. A man stood at 9 tall desk, looking over an enormous boot. A rough-looking stepped into tlis room, and drawing a pistol said, "Keep quiet." " I am quiet,” the man answered, without showing the faintest sign of emotion, " All right; remain that way, lam a robber." “ So am I,” the man answered. " What, you a robber !” “ Yes ; I have been appointed receiver fti this company.” “ Oh, is that a fact ? In that case I must leave you. I never beat a man out of his job " CONSIDERATE TO THE LAS?. Sandy Wilson, when at the point ol death, sent for a neighbour with whom he had long been in fend, his conscience sharply reminding him that he ought to leave this world at peace with all who were in it, in order to have any good chance or likelihood of faring well in the next. The reconciliation was effected, allowances having been made on both sides, but particularly on the dying man’s ; and the visitor was about to take farewell leave, v/haa Sandy said, in a faint yet resolute voice : '• Noo, Jemmy, rna man, if aw dinna de after a’—an' while there’s life, ye ken, there’s still hope---things ’ll just ha’ to be atween us as thej were afore. Ye’ll understand that." A FEMALE ODDITY. At a village a few miles from London lives a young lady who is the talk of the whole neighbourhood, on account of her uncommon sympathies and antipathies. She has a mortal aversion to ail colours except green, yellow, and white, in either of which she is always dressed. She has been known to swoon away at the sight of a soldier; and u funeral never fails to throw her into a cold sweat. She will not eat or drink out of any other than green ware or pewter. She cannot bear the taste of any ripe fruit except green damoscens; but even these she will gladly exchange for onions, of which she is particularly fond when roasted. She prefers a draught of the Thames water, when muddy, to the clearest spring that ever bubbled from a fountain, A fricassee of frogs or mice is her delight, although a sight; of a mushroom will make her change colour She loves beef or mqjtton that is fly-blown ; and she cannot taste a bit of veal that is either white, firm, or fresh killed. She is fond of hays, woodbine, box, and dandelion, and the finest salads ; turnips and raddish tops she prefers to the most delicate brocoli, savoys, or cabbage plants. When a. child she used to be very fond of eating small coals, and, at night, if her mother left her in the room by herself, she was sure to despatch all the contents of the candle snuffers ; but her taste in this particular is of late refined. Although now not twenty years of age, she is very negligent of her person ; cannot bear to walk abroad on a line day, but loves to saunter in the evening by the side of the river, if a thkek nauseous fog be arising. She prefers the sound oi t Jew’s harp or hurdy-gurdy to the best tiolin or German flute in the universe. . Her parents, who are people of taste and fortune, have often attempted her reformation, but in vain. She loves to ride in the bread waggon for half a mile or so; and if it should chance to rain, she will not return home until she is wet to the skin. With ail these oddities, she is very handsome, has great natural parts, and a good education. When her parents die, she will have an estate of three thousand a year, besides a considerable sum of money in the funds. About two years ago a nobleman, w«i’ known in the circle of gallantry, paid his addresses to her, although he had heard of her oddities ; and their nuptials would have been speedily celebrated had she not suddenly conceived an utter aversion to him, on account of his refusing to eat some hot cockles and periwinkles, which she had taken particular care in dressing herself. At present there is a young gentleman of law who, it is imagined, will soon be in possession of this delicious morsel of whim, as j he has already gained her affections by walking with her in a favourite marsh during * the rain, and instructing her in the besi method to dress devils and make saltna gundy.—From an old number of the Wm* . An Idyl of Peace. “Attention, Company FI Hepf hep Right foot, left foot, hep! hep!” The stentorian voice and loud clash o) arms at midnight awakened everybody on the third floor of the big hotel, and guests, bellboys and chambermaids ran shrieking into the corridors. “What’s up! Where are the soldiers?” “Are the troops ordered out?” “What’s the row, anyway?” “Forward now! Present arms! Charge bayonets! Fire!” Heads ducked, and a foreign voice called out over a transom: “Vat eez’t? Zee enemee has come? Ha!” “ ‘Boom ta-ra-ra boom de-ayf Company F! Halt! Left! right! Hepl hep! Advance on the left wing. Ground arms! Hep! hepl” Everybody gazed at a closed door on the Other side of which the military commands were thundered. As the noise increased so did the excitement, and soon the landlord, accompanied by his force of clerks, appeared on the scene. "Rub-a-dub, rub-a-dub.” went a drum | that sounded like a clarion of war, and as the landlord reached the door from which the sound proceeded he was greeted by the din of au advancing army. "Charge! Wheel! S’lute your commanding officer, Company F.” “Hello, there, Company F. Who are you? How did you get in?” called the landlord angrily. "This ain’t no United States armory. Let me in there!” “Right foot, left foot, both feet—-marchl” commanded the voice, as the door was flung open, disclosing a small man wrapped in a quilt, carrying a very wide awake infant and a toy drum. The crowd gave just one look, and then fell over each other in their hurry to di 3' perse, while the little man was explaining mildly: “I’ve been tryin to amuse the baby.”™ Detroit Free Press.

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