THE PIPE AND ITS COMFORTS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 2677, 4 August 1913, Page 8

THE PIPE AND ITS COMFORTS.

Every man think* himself an authority on three thing# —tea making, tiro poking, and pipe lighting. The first two are mere delusions; hi* tea is a black brew, hi* lire poking a brutal coal smashing, but hi* pipe lighting, out of door*, in a high wind, ia a fine art.

Th® initial cost of a pipe varies from on® halfpenny to thirty shillings; the purchase itself is nothing compared to the upkeep. It must bo provided with tobacco, m a tehee, hair pins, methylated spirits, potatoes, and, if it is a meerschaum, a velvet-lined case to sleep in; a common briar will put up with a chamois bag, and a really cheap pipe has only to keep in its ashes. ••If a man smokes, it is so easy to alvo him a present,” my ail your friends. So when on© is young one gives to one’s men folk smoking caps and jackets, which disappear unworn and unmourned, pipe racks, tobacco jars, in art colors, and tho smoker stores his weed in tho same old tin. because the jar’s mouth is too narrow, or th© tobacco gets too dry, and the jar ends its life as a flower vase. If one gives him tobacco the gardener gets it. Tho only thing a man is really grateful for is a handful or long straight hairpins, which ho uses as pipe-cleaners. Smokers of an older generation insists on bits of straw from tho carpet switch, til! tho poor thing grows bald before its time. Stnnetimes the man of the house is discovered abstracting a raw potato from the store-house, not because ho is a hungry vegetarian, but because lus tobacco has become too dry and must be moistened wth slices of succulent juicy potatoes. Then when the pipe won't draw, though it is coaxed and poked and knocked against tho mantelpiece, the owner retires, scrapes out the bowl with hideous noise, then soaks it in methylated spirits, a sort of smokers spring-cleaning. Each man has his favorite pipe day, briar, or meerschaum, and generally. like children with their dolls, tho older and more disreputable it is, the dearer to him. Mo gels a mer.schaum, is proud of it, smokes himself almost sick in coloring it, then goes back to his neglected onc-aud-ninepenny briar, leaving the meerschaum lonely in its luxurious case. A churchwarden is seldom seen nowadays, except on the stage, and perhaps this is just as well, they are so easily broken. To break a short clay is bad enough, but tho shock one gets on smashing a. churchwarden is enough to make a woman lorswcai dusting for over. One smoker has a special kind of nipe; it might ho called a salad-oil-bottlo-pipo, as it has a glass bowl covered with wicker-work ; this is Idled with water; the pipe bowl itself is wooden* altogether it is rather reminiscent of the pip© that the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland smoked. A pipe is the most contradictory thing on earth; it helps conversation — “Over a pipe the Angel of Conversation loosens with glee tho tassels of his purse,” li, crowns tho pleasure of silence — “Then go me to smoking, Silent and snug,” A man smokes when ho is happy to complete his happiness; smokes when ho is said to find comfort; smokes when hungry to forget his hunger; smokes when he has dined, to add to Ids satisfaction; smokes when cold to warm himself, when hot to cool himself. Only when a man is really and indy ill docs lie neglect Ids pipe; when ho asks for a smoke again, it is a sure sign he is on the road to recovery. Women have nothing to correspond to the comfort, companionship, and inspiration of the pipe. If the voteless ones could by some strategom deprive all men of pipes and tobacco till the vote was granted, two days would see their on a gained.