FUN AND FANCY.

Dunstan Times, Issue 2675, 21 July 1913, Page 8

FUN AND FANCY.

“Pa, what is party loyalty?’' “Hope of a good job,” Teacher: What is a vacuum ? Boy: I know, teacher. I have it in my head, but I can’t just think of it. “It is cupid who pierces hearts with his arrow.” “Yes, but it takes a pretty girl to draw the beau.” “You ought to brace up and show your wife who is running things at your house.” “It isn’t necessary; she knows.” Schoolmistress: Master Isaac, what wrong did the brothers of Joseph commit when they sold their brother ? Isaac: They sold him too cheap. Maude: What is the trouble between Alice and Kate? Ethel: Why, you see, Aliioe tasked Kate to tell her just what she thought of her. Maude: Ye«. Ethel: Kate told her. Old Lady (who has been lunching with her son): Here, William, you left this quarter on the table by mistake It’s lucky I saw it, because the waiter had his eye on it. Mother (to artist): “I wid like ye to pent a portrait o’ oor wee Sandy, sir. T wis at the photygrapher, but his chairge wis that awfu’ high.” Visitor: So Betty is your eldest sister? Who comes after her? Tommy:' No one, ma’am • father said he’s afraid she’s going to be an old maid. Fond Mother: Don’t forget to put your tooth-brush in your suit-case, Bobby. Bobby (going to the country for a week): Oh, shucks! I thought this was going to be a pleasure trip. “Hie friends all advised Jonea to go on the stage'” said the unsuccessful tragedian’s father. “Yes. I see it now. It was his friends egged him on and the audience egged him off.” Teacher: The sentence, “Father had money,” is-the past tense. Now, Mary, what tense would you be speaking m if you said, “My father has money?” Little Mary: Oh, that would bo pretence, “Do you know that that bulldog of yours killed my wife’s little harmless affectionate poodle?” “Well, what are you going to do about it?” “Would you be offended if I was to present him with a nice brass collar?” Pearson: The only way for a man to learn all about women is to get mar ried. Gregson: And study the wwyn of his wife, eh? Pearson: No; listen to what she tells him about other women.” “What’s the matter now?” asked the leading actor, as the manager tore a letter to shreds and stamped his feet. “Matter? That performance of yours is so infernally bad that this person demands that his name b© struck off the free list.” . “Who’s that impressive-look mg woman over yonder ?” “That’s Mrs Peckum. She’s a remarkably strongminded woman, and they do say that she commands a very large salary. ’ “How does she ©am it ” “She doesn't earn it. Her husband earns it and »he commands it.” A colored man was brought before a Police Judge, charged with stealing chickens. He pleaded guilty and received sentence, when the Judge asked him how it was he managed to Kft thoro chickens right under the window of the owner’s house when there was a dog ta the yard. “Hit wouldn’t be o# no use, Judge,” said the man, “to try to ’splane dis ting to you-all. Ef you was to try it you like ao not would get your hid© full o’ shot an’ git no| chickens, nuther. Ef you want to en-v gage in any rascality, Judge, yo’ bettaa stick to de bench, what jo’ am familiar.”