HUMOROUS DESCRIPTION OF A BABY.

Dunstan Times, Issue 2480, 10 May 1909, Page 5

HUMOROUS DESCRIPTION OF A BABY.

The zoological curiosity "baby” is widely distributed over the habitable globe It has been found by Arctic explorers in the ice dwellings of the Esquimaux, serenely sucking a lump of whale blubber, and in DU? own country investigators have frequently observed it diligently crunching coal cinders. Asia possesses a multitu- • dinous variety, and in books of Indian life and customs, we have instances where crocodiles in quest of a dinner have been gratuitously supplied with one or two babies by the Indian ladies, but in highlycivilised countries this curious custom docs not prevail, owing, as is generally supposed, to a lack of crocodiles.

Every census reveals the fact tjiat babies are on the increase, and now almost ever? house has its baby—or two. Specimens have been found from time to lime neatly enveloped in a newspaper, snugly reposing on the doorsteps of respectable citizens, and as the strictest investigation has failed to discover from whence they ci,me, we are forced to the conclusion that they are of a meteorolitish origin. The class is divided into two sections—boy babies and girl babies. It grows in two directions simultaneously, to length and breadth, and often weighs as much as a small-sized sack of coals.

It is provided with four limb-like appendages, one at each corner, which it uses with a spider-like movement as a means of progression. Its principal aim seems to be the creation sf discordant noises ; to this end it devotes its powers, and succeeds in many cases in arriving at great perfection. The still small hours are generally utilised by it in practising and perfecting this remark&bl? faculty.

If left in charge cf a man it invariably resorts to aggravating devices to render life intensely miserable, and in all cases it must nan tiled with extreme caution