HUMOUR.

Dunstan Times, Issue 2336, 18 June 1906, Page 3

HUMOUR.

THE SERMON TOUCHED HIM, A well-known draper was in a bad humour last Monday morning. A friend said to him, ' I am afraid tha preaching yesterday didn’t do you mnch good.’ ‘lt did not,’ was the answer. ‘My pastor preached again«tthe follies of fashionable dress, and most of the ladies of the congregation are my customers.’ EE KNEW HIS MAN. Editor: ‘ Why did you not print that smart article of Spooner’s about tho cracked millionaire scattering money along tho streets ?’ Sub-editor: *1 saw through it. If it had been true Spooner would nover have written it.’ , ‘ Why not ?’ •He would have been walking after the millionaire instead.’

HOW HE ACCOUNTED FOR IT. When the police go off duty they have to fall in lino before the inspector to be dismissed. On such an occasion, a very thin inspector was about to dismiss lUe night duty, when he c bserved, in a very I>ud and sarcastic voice, to P, C. Smith : ' Fon're a smart sort of a man for a policeman, I must say. Why, I was in Ford Street last night when you passed through, and you did not sea me. P C. 3mith : ‘ Where were you standing, sir?’ Inspector: ‘Behind a lamppost.’ P.O. Smith: ‘ Then tl st accounts for it, sir.’ NOT SO FUNNY AJMER ALL. Two little fellows struck a mine of amusement one day last week and worked It for all it was worth. Their plan was to stand at a street corner, and when a pedestrian got in good range, they called out excitedly, pointing to the victim’s feet—--11 eay, you dropped your footsteps !' It wse great fun—for tho boys. Projeatty aa old lady approached the corner. Sli© was fat and looted tiifportant—ter extremities especially. Tho Wya

nuggeu tnomseives in delight. This time, to prolong the enjoyment they began—- ‘ I say, missus! ’Sense us, but you dropped something !' * Hear me! What P Such nice little boys, I’m sure!’

And she stopped and picked up a halfcrown lying directly before ber and sailed on.

HO CUPBOARD THEBE.

Simeon Eisygo, after living sixty years on a farm, finds his quarters on shipboard somewhat cramped. Ho obviates the lack of space, however, by stowing his garments and shoes into a round aperture in the side of the vessel on going to bed. 7a.m.—Startling disclosures : * Steward, last night I put my clothes in that there cupboard, and they ain't there now.’

* That ain’t a cupboard; that’s a porthole, sir.’

WHAT STEPS HE WOULD TAKE.

A few months ago I and several other constables were being examined by a board of superintendents as to our fitness for the rank of sergeant. One constable, who had answered every question put to him in a very ready manner, was asked, if he was on duty around Barnum’s Show, then at Olympia, and a Hon escaped into the streets, what steps be would take. The answer came slowly this time, with a knowing shake of the head; * Good long ones, air I’