Page 2 Advertisements Column 7

Dunstan Times, Issue 2301, 11 September 1905, Page 2

patent News from Itooklnnd. "The Man with the Hoe" is "Looking Backward" at "'Robert Eilsmere" and "Trilby" and wondering- if "Alieeof Old Vino, nnes" is going "To Have and to HoM" 'her own as long as "Richard Carvel" and "Janice Meredith" and "David Harum" did, while "The Gentleman from Indiana" is sad-lJv-siig-hing.vv.hen.he thinks of the days "When Knighthood Was iin Flower" down at "Red Rock" and "'The. Choir Invisible" sang "Beside the Bonnie Brier Bush."—Chicago Times-Herald. The Only Cure. Amatetir Tenor (who has been abroad) —Ah, my man, you are an eye doctor, I understand! Oculist—l am an oculist, sir. Amateur Tenor —Well, what I want to know is whether there is any way to prevent the eyes from filling with water while singing? Oculist —None that I know of, except to steel your heart, against the sufferings of the audience.—X. Y. World. to l*e«d to Worry, "My good man," said the earnest reformer to the misguided man who was tarrying but little between flowing bowls, "my good man, you should cease this unseemly carousing. You are in danger of an attack of delirium tremens." "Thash all ri'," answered the misguided person. "Don't you worry, ol ! fe-J'. I'm shnake charmer by p'fshun." ---Baltimore American. A Dreadfnl Blander. Mr. Jinks —You look all broke up. Mrs. Jinks—l am. It just makes me siok to think what a fool Fro been. You know that commonplace little dowdy next door that I've been snubbing so? "Yes." "Well, I've just found out that her husband gets five dollars more a month than you do."—N. Y. Weekly. Won Out fit Some Expense. Mr. Hauskeeip—My wife broke a fairy-lamp, two vases and a cut-glass flower-stand: in the drawing-room lastMr. Ascum —Pot goodness' sake, what was her purpose? Mr. Hauskeep—To capture a clothes anoth. she saw flying around. —Answers. Dangers ot Science. The Professor's Wife The professor ie in the laboratory conducting some chemical experiments. The professor expects to go down to posterity — (From the laboratory) Br-r-Twr-r. Bang! The Visitor—l hope the professor hasn't gone. —Harlem Life. Wasn't Changed Hla Mind. Ph y*l Ha,—Before marriajge he was all the time telling; me I was good enough to eat. Patrice—A.nd since marriage has he changed? "Well, no; T guess he thinks the same yet. He's picking at me all the tim»." —Yonkers Statesman.. Couldn't Delieve It. "You see a greet deal in the ne papers that you can't believe," remarked Mr. Meekton's wife. "I know it, Henrietta," was the answer. "For instance, here is another one of these stories about a man who makes fun of his wife's cooking."—Washington Star. linnk SelnahneM. Clara— l hear, Carrie, that you IlaTe refused Frank Swetzer. Carrie —I had to do it. He is so selfish, you know. He told roe hecoukl not live without me. Just thinking of himself, you see. —Boston Transcript. FACT AND REASO.Y. . *-" "WhM aatroogf ac4*youridoghaa;Mr.Cloker." "Yes. Ha belongs to my;, mother-in-law." —Harlem Life. X. Friendly Critic! Miss Cutting—Your jokes always re mind me of a ball. Littlewit,—And why of a ball, pray? Miss Cuttingr—Because there is never any point to them. —Chicago Daily! News. '■ ~ A Difference. Askington—Who was your friend whom I saw you walking with this afternoon? Teller—HohL He wasn't a that's my. brother-in-law*—Haroer is Bazar. Had Only the Real Thin*. *1 want a face that will match m hair," she said to the face specialist. "But you quite forget," said th< woman addressed, "we don't deal u false faces."—Yonkers Statesman. A Victim of Hard Lac Hewitt—l've always been unluckyJewefct—ls that so? Hewitt—Yes, even the first girl I ev« proposed to accepted me.:—Town To* Transportation De»ir«d-*'* r "Samuel, 1 think we will bemor»CC tain to get away without detection. • we elope on a railway train." "Well, ask your father ft* gpj* »* BecorcL . *& \