MISCELLANEOUS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 5660, 19 October 1889, Page 6 (Supplement)

MISCELLANEOUS.

MR. AND MRS. BOWSER,

[By Mes. BowflEE.]

' 1 think we'll go up to tho park tomorrow, , eaitl Mr Dowser the other Baturdpy evening as he finished his cigar. 'But won't it be dreadful crowded?' I queried.

' There you go ! You are always ready to oppose auything 1 suggest. , ' J am not opposing you. only you know that this bpatstire always crowded on Sunday, and that one is apt to j«eet wit)) many lawless characters. 1 have heard you say that tho place was in possession of tt mob all day Sunday.'

1 Nfiy.er ! On the contrary I have iihviiys boasted of finw orderly it was. I guarantee that, you can go uu there alone and stay all day aud you will Dα treated like a queen.' 'Well, if you think we hud beet go,

why ' ''Of course I do. I think a little trip on the water jvijl do tia all good, and at tho Inland we will some sylvan retreat and enjoy the beauties* of tku MUtrouudiuge. , • And you—you wont get pvdd f t Mr.s Bowser, what <lo you mean)" ' If tilings do not go right you won't acold and blame everything , to me ?' ' Have you gone juad '( When did I ever blame you ? If you suspect that you are getting softening of the brain let know and I'll have a medical examination/

After dinner next day we inado a start. I thiiik Mr Bowfior sturted with the firm determination tokcephisgoodnaturoateveiy hazard, but something occurred almost immediately to upset him. street cur was ja»iib-full and running over,' it stopped and we wetigod our way iv. In the eouiu one stopped on Mr lioweer'is com, some oiMJ else knocked hie plug hat off, and a third person was ■ueurd to remark that if he weighed a ton he would charter a special car wheu ho wanted to rido. This put Mr Bowser in trim to say to thu conductor : I

< Does the manager of this lino think we are a lot of hogs that we can be packed in an old car this way ?' ' Don't know, sir. , ' Then you'd better find out! It's 'an insult on decent people, and I for one "don't propose to submit to it I' ' Thaz rize, 010 fel'r !' shouted a halfdrunken man from the front of the car. . ' Go iti, old bay window !'added a second. ' Teu to ono on old Bowser,' yelled a man from the rear platform. We finally got down to the boat. It was black with humanity and 1 didn't want to go, but Mr Bowser lilbewed people right and left and I followed, After being crowdad, pushed, jambed, squeezed, and knocked about for ten minutes i got ii chair wbii'h a drunken m;m had just fallen off, and Mr Bowser found standing room besiilo nU«C

1 1 told you 1 thought the boats would be crowded, , 1 remarked us* yoon as I could get n>y breath.

' Well, that shows all you know about it. There's no crowd on this* boat. She could. carry ns many again. , ' But what a rough set. of people !' 'No rougher than we sro. You simply want to find fault und make me uncomfortable.' Just at that rcomout a rough came :up, looked Mr Bowser over from crown to heel, and then said : ' You look like the bloke "who throw mud at me little t-itter last May.' 'Sir! You aro mistaken !<' replied Mr Bowser. '■: . ' What er you doin, wid all that stoile on ?' demanded the tough as he brought his arm around and gave Mr. Bowser's hat a 'swat , which sent it fiv iiitr to the deck. * Mr Bowser grabbed him and there would have been a fight had not a number of men interfered. When the hat was recovered it had a shoulder blade and three, ribs broken, and in the brief , clinch l tho tough had torn away Mr Bowser's'neoktie.i ■■< ,' I'm so sorry we came,' I said as I got a chance to speak to him. ' You know I teld you I thought it would he very unpleasant.' '' Yes, of course you are sorry ! You can't bear to see me enjoying myself! I wasn't aware that anything unpleasant had occurred. . In getting off the boat at the island some one stepped on my dress-skirt and nearly tore it off, -while Mr Bowser's hat wae crushed down over hie eyes and some one picked his cigar-case out of his coat-tail pocket. Wo finally got out of the crowd and wandered away until we reached a ehady spot aud then it did seem as if we might take some comfort. I began to express my sympathy for Mr Bowser, when he turned on me with: • When I want to be condoled -with I'll let you know. Thus far we have had a real good time, and I don't want to hear any more kicking about it.' • This is the sylvan retreat you spoke of, I suppose?' I remarked as I looked around and saw cigar stubs, playing cards, pretzels, beer bjttle-corks, and a rusty old cork screw lying on the grass. He didn't say. He was going to, when a couple of young men came that way and stopped and asked Mr Bowser for a match j to light their clay-pipea. He didn't have any, and one of them said : ' Well, yer needin't be so crusty about it, WeWe just as good as you are. , , 'And a blamed sight better, Jim !' added the other. ' I've seen this old bungee up here every Sunday this summer, and he's always had a different woman with him! He's up to snuff and don't you forget it.' Mr Bowser jumped up, but both of them piled on to him and I screamed and brought assistance. They split hie coat up the back, tore his collar ofl; and tore three buttons off bis vest, and ad they -wentawaj' they threatened to come back and finish him off. 4Mr Bowser.M said after the crowd had started, ' hadn't we better go home ?' 'No, ma'am, we hadn't! I camo up here to enjoy myself and I'm bound to do so. , I coaxed and argued, but ho was obstinate, and pretty soon something else happened, A gang of five or six men came along, ripe for mischief, and , one of them halted before Mr Bowser and enquired. 'Shay, ole fel, I lost a dollar here about an hour ago, and you picked it up.' 'You aro mistaken, sir. , ' , 'Course be did! , put in a second tough, 'and he's got to give it up!' •:■.'■ .- 1 ■ ' I haven't seen anything of your dollar !' hotly replied Mr Bowser, and the gang vras making threats when I ran for help. Before I got back they had rolled Mr Boweer on the grass, taken all his change away, and cuffed him about until he presented a sad sight. Then the policeman who had come too late advised him : ■

' Say old man, you'd better go home. lihcL five or mt rows ■witHin ttn liour, and I shall have to run you in if you don't leave. You are evidently a desperate character.'

Mr Bowser beckoned to mo and led the way to the boat. On tho way down he was pointed out as Sullivan and Kilrain, and everybody had a gibo at him. At tho warf he hired a hack to take us home, and not one word would he speak to me all the way ■ap. When we finally got into tho house he locked the door bf'tbe sitting room and Bat down in front of mo and said *

' Mrs Bowser look at mo !' ' Yes, it's awful, I was ufraid it would turn out this way.' ' And yet nothing would do but you must go !'

' Why, I didn't want to go one step !' Take care I You are to blame for this whole business! I have born and borne, but tho worm has finally turned at last. Make out a list of what furniture you want to keep and let us settle on the amount of the alimony.'

We didn't settle however. He felt better next day and I don't think ho will refer to the matter agsjji unless I bring it up.