THE ADVENTURES OF MR. THOMAS STUBBS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 4455, 7 November 1885, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE ADVENTURES OF MR. THOMAS STUBBS.

My name is Charley O'Hara, and I hail from tha Green Isle. My governor aud the mother and eight youngsters live at Glan* dine, in the county of . There's firstrate fishing and pretty fair shooting there! but the property itself mostly consists of turf, stones, and water, so it behovod my paronts, on my leaving college, to look out for some moro lucrative employment for me than catching trout and popping at snipeand curlew. So when old Mr Stubbs, an enormously rich old fellow, and a great chum of my father's, offered me a place in his count-ing-house in Loudon, I was bundled 08 there and told to " consider myself uncommonly lucky." That's about two years ago, and I havo not begun to grumble yet. , Tom Stnbbs his eldest son, is aright good follow, though he's a bit "innocent," and generally believes what I tell him, which is raro fun sometimes. Ho stands six feet in his stookings, and his hair and moustache aro red (he prefers the word auburn), but he's downright shy and awfully afraid of girls laughing at him. He would not havo como over with mo to Glandihe for our autumn holiday last year, only 1 told him that my eldest sister Hetty was nearly blind and quite deaf; and I got him to como with mo to buy her a pair of blue goggles; and enquire about tho prico of a speaking trumpet. Ho did not guess that Hetty was just 19, very pretty and graceful, but a regular flirt. Tom was quito upset when he first saw hor, and Hetty asked me privately if he wero dumb, They soon found their tongues, however.

To my groat dismay, when wo got homo. Aunt Jemima Denvors was on a visit. I ought here to mention that my mother is English, and Aunt Jemima is her maiden sister, from whom we till have expectations, so we haye to he civil to her, though its hard enough sometimes to bo so. Aunt J. is turned 40 by some seven years. She says herself she's 36; well ao she is, and we know how much older, She has a high noso and cheek hones, and wears her hair in a fri«otto of black curls. Every three years sho makes, as she calls it, "A pilgrimage to the wilderness of Glaudine." She despises Ireland and tho Irish, and professes to fool hor life in danger during hor sojourn with us. Lately sho has mounted tho blue ribbon, and preaches vigorously at my father because ho takes his old-fashioned tumbler of punch after dinner. As to my poor mother, Aunt J. finds fault with everything, from her husband to her kitohen maid. However, Tom being English, my Auut elected to bo civil to him, taking occasion, however, to call public attention to tho superiority of Tom's quiet retiring manner, to *' Charley's ridiculous way of going on."

Tom privately confided to mo afterwards, that " ho thought sho was an old slanderer;' but I believo that was becauso sho had said that Hetty was "an arrant flirt;" and this confirmed mo iv my opinion that Tom wag getting spooney. Next day, at lunch, Aunt Jemima treated mo to a terrific lecture ou the iniquity of taking a glass of ale; and poor mother was nearly crying with fright lest I should answer her, Tho Governor was out in tho hayfiold, but beforo lunch was over he came in, and we knew by his voico ho was angry.

• There's Geddes as drunk as an owl in the field, absolutely unablo to do anything, I'll dismiss him the moment lie's sober. Who gavo him such a lot of porter ?" he said, fiercely turning to the parlor-maid. "Ploase, sir," said Bridget demuroly, but with a little mischoivious twinkle in her eye, " I think it was Miss Don vers." "Jemima!" exclaimed my father turning round on my auut, who was as red as a peony, " what did you do to Geddos ?' "I make him drunk, Charles ?' how dart* you insinuate such a thing; lj«t that's what I deserve for oncroaohing on my principles: T« oblige Margaret, who was nursing the baby, I went to tho storeroom to give the steward tho porter for the men, and I only gav3 a quart for each, as Margaret told mo.'

' How many men did yo\*.giv« it to f" demanded my father, " I asked, the steward how many, and he said thoro was tho soldier and tho sergeant, auld Geddes, and himself, What aro you laughing at, Charles? it's no cause for laughter."

" Bravo, Geddes," said my father. My dear Jemima, he was the four himself ; he*S an old sergeant from the army, and so he did you out of four quarts, of portor. By Jove, I' 11 forgive him,'" Another $ Aunt Jemima's thoorios is, ftat it is for want of proper training in their infancy that many of tho youth of Ireland dovolop rakish propensities hi their later years.

Several yoars beforo this, there had lived at our lodge-gato a boy called Tommy Watts, on whom Aunt Jemima set her heart to train in tho right way. Wretched Tommy ! What that boy underwent during Miss Denvers throe months sojourn at Glandino is appalling to think of. But Aunt Jomima was entirely satisfied. "I fool perfectly euro that Ton;-, n y will nover forgot my teaching "J w Bala phantly, when dcpar' anff) And illdeod we n.l. iOit the f-amti, until we saw tho look of relief which lit up Tommy's couiiteivmco when tho carriago 2>assod out of sight, (For continuation see next page.)

One fine autumn evening, duriug another visit of Aunt Jemima's, she suddenly be- | thought herself of going to see Mrs Watts, to enquire after Tommy, who had " listed " some two years before. We found that lady quietly enjoying a short black pipe, which she quickly transferred lighted as it -was, to her pocket at tho sight of our party. "Good evening Mrs Watts," said my Aunt, graciously. "Ah, then, your honorable ladyship is welcomo agin to tho country, an' shuro it's yourself is looking betther an' handsomer nor ever," said tho wily old woman, who knew the weak points of her visitor. ' Well, Mrs Watts, aud how's Tommy getting on in the army." " Och, then, I here he's getting on illigant. Pat Magill was home the other day, and he toidd mo ho saw Tommy in Woolwich, an ho was in the best of health, and ho must bo some sort of an offlsher. I forgit what it was he called him, but it ended iv a ral."

"Corporal, I suppose," said Aunt J. ' No that warn't the word." " General," suggested Hetty. "No, nor that nather." "Scoimdrnl," suggested your humble servant. "Hn, Masther Sharlie, I wouldn't doubt yo to have it right ; the worry word. An he's top o' them, too for Pat said he was the greatest sconndhcral in the rigoment. Good luck to the little boy; he may thank Miss Jemima for tbe good laming she gavo him."

"Now, Mr Stubbs," said Hetty, choking with laughter, "you have practical proof of tho truth of' Aunt Jem's Theory." " It was Charlie who put it in her head," "■aid my aunt savagely ; and she marched home in a huff, to our great relief. A few days after, Tom and I started on a visit to Drumquinna Castlo, which was about twenty miles off, in hope of finding my cousin, Jack O'Hara, and his wife there. We started early on our bicyles, and had a glorious drive-. We told mother on starting that we'd stay at Drumquinna that night, and return tho next day, as was my usual custom. But you may guess our disgust and disappointment on arriving at Drumquinna, when wo found that Jack and Arinio had left just two hours before for Dublin. Thero was nothing for us to eat in the Castle, so we made for tho parsonage. I wa3 not really sorry, for Lncy Norman is a charmingly nice girl. However, their house Was full; so after spending a very pleasant day—at least I did, though Tom moped and fidgetted—we left the parsonage about 10 o'clock on our way home. Unfortunately, however, when about six miles from Glandine My bicycle came to grief ; and na Tom would not leavo me, it was about 2 o'clock in tho morning, and pitoh dark, when we got to Glandine. " Come, now Tom, we'll givo them a surprise nt breakfast, and we'll creep in quietly by the back way. We'll knock nt the cook's window, and get tho key of the back door; she always takes it up with her. "And I hopes sho keeps tho key of the larder, too, for I am as hungry as a hawk," said Tom.

Cautiously we crept round to tho yard, wheeling our bicycles, I going first in order to quiet the watch-dog Ponto. A handful of gravel thrown against the cook's window speedily brought forth a night-capped head and a sleopy voice demanded, "What is wanted P" The keys were flung down, and cook departed for her rest, whilo we entered the house, followed by Ponto. We kindled a match and lighting a candle proceeded to tho larder:

Mv stars! but they had a good dinner this day," I exclaimed, astonished at tho unwonted profusion. But wo set heartily to work; and after wo had devoured a cold fowl and half a ham, and washed all down by copious draughts of porter, Tom said he was so sleepy ho could not stay up another minute; so lighting his candle he went off, while I stopped to lock tho larder. In about two minutos I heard a heavy fall followed by wild and fearful yells of " Murder ! Murder! Bobbers ! Firo! Holp ! Murder ! Help!" Seizing tho light, I ran upstairs, followod by Ponto; and rushing towards Tom's room, from which tho yells proceeded, I had to pass my father's door, opened, and out como the Governor with a gun in his hand, followed by my mother, armed with the baby. Without more ado he seized me by tho throat, and dragged mo towards Tom's room, which I should mention was entered by a descent of two stops. Ponto, meanwhile, not to be idle, seized my father by the leg, and wo nil fell in a heap together into the room, tho gun going off in tho fall, and the chargo fortunately entering the faco of my great-grandmother, who was framed over tho chimnoy piece. Inside the room the shrieks wero deafening, and accompanied by the sound of blows. " Father !"■ I shouted as by a violent effort I loosod his grasp from my throat. " Margaret, quick ! a light, it's tho boys," he cried; and in another instant my mother followed by a crowd of people, all in costumes more airy than elogant, and all armed with weapons, from a poker to a feedingbottle. A strange scene now revealed itself to our astonished eyes. Ou a stretcher bed in tho room was Aunt Jemima, Tom prostrate across the couch, whilo his head was firmly held by tho lady with ono hand, whilo in tho othor sho hold a plated candlestick, with which she wus vigorously battering him with such good effect, that a a copious stream of blood was already flowing down his faco und over tho whito counterpane from a cut in his head. When the light appeared, Aunt Jem. only uttered a wild cry of " Mr Stubbs !" and fainted off, while Tom, at last permitted to rise, f>tood moping his head and looking round him with a rueful countenance, whilo my father was standing on ono leg, and nursing the other, which was bleeding from Ponto's teeth. At length peace was somewhat restored and the mystery explained, Itappearod that lato in tho afternoon, General and Mrs Ponsonby had driven over to Glandino, and an accident occurring to their carriage, thoy wero asked to stay the night, Auut Jemima giving up tho best room and going to sleep on a stretcher put up for the occasion in the othor spare room occupied hy Tom who was not expected back till tho next day.

It appeared that as Tom wns going npataiis, a sndden gust of of wind put cut his candla, and he felt his way to his room in tho dark, but forgetting tho stops had fallen in with a crash right across Aunt Jemima, who had immediately seized him with one hand, nnd tho candlestick with tho othor, while poor Tom, in utter eonfunion as to where ho had got to, was utterly unablo to mako himself comprehended.

Poor Aunt Jemima, she insisted on loaving the next day, but beforo going, privately tipped mo a ten-pound note to hold my tongue to her friends in London. Hetty took such good caro of Tom that ho lias asked her to take care of him for lifo. Thoy are soon going to bo married, nnd Aunt Jem. has just sent a handsomo cheque "She wishes them evory happiness, but for Jho present the sight of Mr Thomas Stubbs SVPulcl be really painful." —The Ladios Treasury-