"SQUARING IT."

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3699, 23 May 1883, Page 4

"SQUARING IT."

A good story has been told of a lisping officer [having been victimised by a brother officer—who,was noted for his cool deliberation and strong nerves—and of his " getting square " with him in the following manner. The cool joker—Captain Blakeney —was always quizzing the lisping officer— n. Lieutenant—for Ids nervousness, and said one day at mess, " Why, nervousness is all nonsense ; I tell you, no brave man is ever nervous." "Well," enquired his lisping friend, "how would you act thpothing a tlipllwith an inth futhce thould drop itthelf in a walled angle in which you had taken thelter from a company of tharpthooters, and where it wath thertain if you put out your nothe you'd get peppered r , " "How?" said the Captain, with a look at his brother officers. "Why, take it coolly, and spit on the fuzco." The party broke up, and all retired. The next morning a number of soldiers were assembled on parade, when along came the lisping Lieutenant. Lazily opening his eyes, he remarked to a cluster of officers, " I want to try an ekthperiiuent thith morning, and thee how cktheodingly cool Tom Blakcney can be." Saying this, ho walked deliberately into the Captain's quarters, where a fire was burning on the hearth, and placed in its hottest part a powder , canister, and instantly retreated. There was but one door of egress from the quarters, and that opened upon the parade-ground; the occupant gave one look at the canister, comprehended tho situation, and in a moment mado_for the door, but it was fastened on the outside. " Charley, let me out, if you love me !" shouted tho Captain. " Thpit on the canithter !" shouted ho in return.

Not a moment was to be lost: the Captain had at first snatched up a blanket to cover himself with ; but, soon dropping it, he raised the window, and out he bounded, sans everything but a very short under garment, and thus, with hair almost on end, he rushed on to a full parade-ground. The shouts -which hailed him brought out the whole of the occupants of the barracks to see what was the matter, and the dignified Captain pulled a sergeant in front of him to hide himself. " Why didn't you thpit on it!-" enquired the Lieutenant. " Because there were no .sharpshooters in front to stop a retreat," answered the Captain. '•All I've got toihay, then, ith," said tho Lieutenant, "that you might thafcly have done so ; for I" thwarc there wathn't a thinglc grain of powder in it."