FUNNIOSITIES.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3563, 9 December 1882, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

Song for Sir Wilfred Lawson in the House —'Drink to me only with thine * Ayes.'' ' The parting gives me pain,' as the man said when he had a troublesome tooth extracted. Cause and effect—The baby which was born with a ' a call' and grew up to be a company promoter. A reason given why a piano was not saved at a fire was because none of the firemen could play on it. Law is like a sieve ; you may see through it, but you must be considerably reduced before you can get through it. ' You are writing my bill on very rough paper,' said a client to his attorney, JS ever mind,' replied the "attorney, 'it has to be filed before it comes into court.' Jack, aged four, taking a walk : " What becomes of people when they die ?' Mamma : ' They turn into dust, dear.' Jack : ' What a lot of people there must be on this road, then.' A Western judge has decided that a husband is responsible for what his wife says. No wonder the young men of to-day hesitate about assuming tbe responsibilities of married life. London Fun has the following rich skit on juvenile Templarisrn : — Tourist (has walked ten miles and wants a drink badly) : ' Can you tell me if there is an inn over there, children ?' No answer. ' Can't you speak ?' Small girl, aged nine, severely : ' We're Good Templars, sir, and don't hold with no nasty drinkin' .' ' Small boy, aged eight, in a burst of wrath : ' Drink's a snare, and yew did ought tew be ashamed of yoself, at yewr toime o' life. We wunt tell yew the way to the inn unless yew gives us a shillun'.'