THE CAPTAIN'S YARN.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3143, 25 July 1881, Page 4

THE CAPTAIN'S YARN.

By Make: Twain\

One frp the captain bad a clergyman on board, but 'id not know he was a clei'gymnn since the passenger list did not betray tho fact. Be took a great liking to this Rev. IVr Peters, and talked with him a great deal; told him yarns, gave him toothsome scraps of personal history, and wove a glittering streak of profanity through his garrulous fabric that was refreshing to a spirit weary of the dull neutralities of undecoraterl speech. One day the captain said, ' Peters, do you ever read the Bible ?' ' Well—yes.' ' I judge it ain't often, by the way you say it. Now, you tackle it in dead earnest once, and you'll find it'll pay. Don't you get discouraged, but hang right on. First, you won't understand it; but by-nnd-by things will begin to clear up, and then you wouldn't lay it down to eat.' ' Yes, I have heard that said.' ' And it's so, too. There ain't a book that begins with it. It lays over 'em all, Peter*. There's some pretty tough things in it — there ain't any getting around that—but you stick to them and think them out, and when once you get on the inside everything's plain as day.' ' The miracles, too, captain ?' Yes, sir; the miracles, too. Every one of them. Now, there's that business with the prophets of Baal; like enough that stumped you ?' ' Well, I don't know but'— 'Own up, now; it stumped you. Well, I don't wonder. You hadn't had any experience in raveling such things out, and naturally it was too many for you. Would you like to have me explain that thing to you, and show you how to get at the meat of these matters ? 'Indeed, I would, captain, if you don't mind.' Then the captain proceeded as follows : 'I'll do it with pleasure. First, you see, I read and read, and thought and thought, till I got to understand what sort of people they were in the old Bible times, and then, after that, it was all clear and easy. Now, this was the way ,5 I put ib up, concerning Isaac* and the prophets of Baal. There was_ some mighty sharp men amongst the public characters of that old ancient day, and Isaac was one of them. Isaac had his failings,—plenty of them, too; it ain't for mo to apologize for Isaac; he played it on the prophets of Baal, and like enough he was justifiable, considering the odds that was against him. No, all I say, is, 'twan't any miracle, and that I'll show you so s'tyou can see it yourself.' '".Well, times had been getting rougher

and rougher for prophets—that is, propbcls of Isaac's denomination. There was four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal in _ the community, and only one Presbyterian ; that is, if Isaac ™as a Presbyterian., which I reckon he was, but it don't say. Latin-ally, the prophets of Baal took all the trade. Isaac was pretty low-epirited, 1 reckon, but he was a good deal of a man, and no doubt he went a-prophosying around, letting on t j be doing a land-office business, but _ twan t any use ; he couldn't run any opposition to amount to anything. By and by things got desperate with him ;he sets his head to work and thinks it all out, and then what does he do ? Why, ho begins to throw out hinta that the other parties are this and that md t'other. —nothing very definite, may be, but just kind of undermining their reputation in a quiet way. This made talk, of •oursp, and finally got to the king. The king asked Isaac what he meant by this talk. Says Isaac, ' < >h, nothing particular ; only, can they pray down fire from heaven on an altar? It ain't much, may be, your najesty, only can they do it ? That's the idea.' So the king was a good deal disturbed, and he went to the prophets of Baal, and they said, pretty airy, that if he had an altar ready, they were ready ; and "hey intimated he had better get it insured, too. 'So, next morning, all the children of Israel and their parents and the other people gathered themfelves together. Well, ! >re was that great crowd of prophets of Baal packed together on one side, and Isaac walking up and down all alone on the other, nutting up his job. When time was called, isaac.let on to be comfortable and inlifferent ; told the other tea-n to take the first innings. So they went at it, the whole tour hundred and fifty, praying around the tltar, very hopeful, and doing their level oesfc. They prayed an hour—two hours — three hours—and so on, plumb till noon. It wasn't any use ; they hadn't took a trick, 'f course they felt kind of ashamed before all those people, and well they might. Now, .»hat would a magnanimous man do ? Keep wouldn't he? Of course. What did saac do ? He gravelled the prophets of ! saal every way he could think, f-'ays he, ; You don't speak up loud enough ; your •.rod's asleep; like enough, or may be he's taking a walk; you want to holler, you '<now,' —or words to that effect ; I don't recollect the exact language. Mind, I dont apologise for Isaac he had his faults. ' Well, the prophets of Baal prayed along the best they knew how all the afternoon, and never raised a spark. At last, about sundown, they were all tuckered out, and they owned up and quit. ' What does Isaac do, now ? He steps up and says to some friends of his, there, " Pour four barrels of water on the altar !" Everybody was astonished ; for the other side had prayed at it dry, you know, and got whitewashed. They poured it on. Bays he, "Heave on four more barrels." Then he says, "Heave on four more." Twelve barrels, you see, altogether. The water ran all over the altar, and all down the sides, and filled up a trench around it that would hold a couple of hogsheads, — "measures" it says; I reckon it means about a hogshead. Some of the people were going to put on their things and go, for they allowed he was crazy. They didn't know Isaac. Isaac knelt down and began to pray ; he strung along, and strung along, about the heathen in distant lands, about the sister churches, and about the state and the country at large, and about those that's in authority iv the government, and all the usual programme, you know, till everybody had got tired and gone to thinking about something else, and then, all of a sudden, when nobody was noticing, he out with a match and rakes it on the under side of his leg, and pff! up the whole thing blazes like a house afire! Twelve barrels of water ? Petroleum, sir, petroletjh ! that's what it was?' ' Petroleum, captain ?' ' Yes, sir; the country was full of it. Isaac knew all about that. You read the Bible. Don't you worry about the tough places. They ain't tough when you come to think them out and throw light on them. There ain't a thing in the Bible but what is true ; all you want is to go prayerfully to work and cipher out how't was done.' ♦This is the Captain's own mistake.