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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 2993, 28 January 1881, Page 3

" You ought to marry." " Never." ""I know the very girl." " Let me alone." " She is young." '"Then she is shy." "Beautiful." " The more dangerous." "Of good family." "Then she is proud." "Tenderhearted." "Then she is jealous." "She has talent." " Then she is conceited." " And a fortune." " I will take her."

An Irish lover remarks that it is a great comfort to be alone, " especially when yer swatehearfc is wid ye." The ocean is the only power on earth that can make a woman indifferent to her personal appearance. " Oh, I've loved before !" said a Detroit woman to her fourth husband, as she took a handful of hair from his head because he objected to hang out the week's washing. A newly-married woman, who wished to impress her husband with her abilities as a housekeeper, bawled out to the servant as she entered the door, " Matilda, bring me the washboard ; I want to wash tho potatoes for dinner."

A Yankee editor, puffing- off air-tight coffins, said, "No person having once tried one of these air-tight coffins will ever use any other." A poor fellow, seeking for employment in a Chicago telegraph office, finally asked to be hired as a telegraph pole. It was no use ; every post was full. If you have a good sister, love and cherish her with all your heart. If you have none, then love and cherish the good sister of some other man with all your heart. A traveller was badly hurt in a railway accident —two ribs broken and other injuries. He went to the office of the company to complain. " What!" cried the office clerk, " you want to make a row about so small a matter ? Not a month ago twelve of our passengers were killed, and we didn't even hear a word of complaint from any of them !"

" Did you ever stop to think," said a grocer recently, as he measured out half-a-peck of potatoes , " that these potatoes contain sugar water, and starch?" "No, I didn't," replied the boy; " but I heard mother say you put peas and beans in your coffee, and about a pint of water in every' quart of milk yoU sold." The subject of natural philosophy was dropped right there. The height, or depth, which flunkeyism has attained in London is illustrated by the fact that a "Horgan of Serciety" announced that it was about to publish " a pretty picture of the. Baroness Burdett-Coutts at breakfast on board her yacht the Walrus." Another journalist suggested that the companion picture should be "Mr AshmeadBartlett in his Morning Tub." " I daresay I shall astonish you by what I am going to say," said a gentleman to me the other day in reply to a question of mine, "but"the reason why I object to C is, he is. engaged to be married to my wife;" " You do astonish me," said I. "My wife has owned the truth to me," said he ; "they have vowed to marry if I should die." "And there, is really no law that ever I have heard of to prevent such pledges," said I. " None," he answered, "or I should have put it into force." The fact is worth chronicling; there is really no law to prevent your wife from wearing an engaged ring.—Mayfair.

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