UNDER THE VERANDAH UNKNOWN.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume XXXII, Issue 5770, 25 March 1876, Page 1 (Supplement)

UNDER THE VERANDAH UNKNOWN.

O'Cali vunw in " His Last Legs"' diseoxeis that his, w he»le capital consists ot one shilling and nine-p^uee \\ ho thdt lu.nd it wjl e\er foi get poor (i. V. Biookes " What can a man do with one and ninepence ' '' An instance of what can be done with the odd <M. oecuncd iu the Police Comt a week <»i two ago. A toll man had charged that Mini tour times told, m othei woids Ms., In .1 party of Voliuitoois, under the tollowing circumstances ■ — Tlie said \ olunteers passed tluough a tuinpiko-i»at<' in two 'busses timing the attemoonoi one* diy, and icturncil m the -.ami' dining the l.\)]\ morning ot the nixt Vb 1 have sud, the tall man exacted :!s. toi tins*, which amount was. paid utidci piotcst here cumi s a proof of the nice diseinm nation of thi law. 1*]\ idence did noL disclose 111 what mannci the amount Mas paid, but probably it was bj thiee •separate coins, each being a 'hilling. The law ho\\o\ei, completely ab>tiacted itself fiom such ','ios- fajts as these, and put the «"1nC thiii os was paid — not icn ■•)Mil : — it was the iiini not the coins Tlu& "<s. was demanded in four sepaiatc nine pences, ')d foi c.eh 'bus when going, and 'M toi each bus wlien letininng. This being so, if the man had no light to le\y toll from Volunteers, he was liable to an potion toi t'neli i)d. at. special encumstances might alleet 'bus A and no; bus 15, and these cu(umstanees might ditter when going Ann ■when i dummy Four separate actions lotos, is making the most of a small sum Hanover, mj fiieudsthe \ oLintcets were ooter mined riot to gorgo tliemwl\ u«.\utb law und so wcie content with what thev could get toi one S)d , and elected to take •action upon the Sid lowed upon 'bus 1$ when j'etuuuug. The selection, 1 am sorrv to say }>ro\ed unfortunate, as the Court ruled that the 'bua was not l (.turning on the day ot the duty being pet tormed to winch the Volim teeis had been summoned, and w.i , theiofore, not exempt tiom toll The piobabih-ties--l should s:j the possibilities, toi in law theie appeal to ba no probabilities— ue that had the choice fallen upon one of the nine pence3 charged for the 'buses in going, the decision would ha\e been against the toll-keeper. This httlo muc penny matter eost the Volunteers upwards ot € t, which the 1 } had to pay to the othei side, in addition to the tee to then own counsel aid then other expenses 8am Wcllci, oi his tather, speaks oi a turnpike man a& a mis anthropc, so I suppose no one ought to sym patlu&e with the deleudant, but it does seem to me not altogethci unieasonable foi 20 men to subscribe one half -penny a piece with which to pa} an old man J»d. (and then two would ha\ e been exempt), when they had tinned him out ot bed at 1 o'clock m the morning. 1 sa\ nothing .lbout the other nine peiui-> Hie judgment ah eady given does not alleet t\\ o oi tiii'iu', and theretoie theie is nothing to piei nit ttie \ olunteeia lioi i .is siting t'upune'.piu for which they contended b\ m>ti tviMn^ uo->h pioeue.lmgs upon on<> oi I) <th <•! them, rim rut (< i ' The wise men of (Gotham must ha\o T supple, lmeil deM. 'iidants somewhcie. toi it is not likely that their i.ice has become extinct The otliei day I hen a some one ] emu king upon the tact; that n. Au< \Iand lie mot ruiabjr-j of persons wIiom L« had known v\ other pmtions ot the woild, as widely distant as India fiom the Pole. I ha\e little doubt that were we able to < vi iiM" r 1 i 1 p li '• vVa of eel tain member-) of m, i , r «.,., 1, i ivJ.lv !)»dio, wo shoul.l Imd that i'i.ii vu<<'-«toi-, <uk c lioiuislu-d in the j'u --U in XottiughauiJihne, wh«i^c lniiic, (i.itli.im, the said pnccstois di<l -u miKii to in ike famous Nottingham■ahuc b Mig .in inland county, the wi^e men of <!(ith"u 'ud no oppottumts of allowing »\ li.it *■''(. j i oald do in the way of man.iging a h uixiur. !>ut t"i t'i't untoitunatc cneiim i^'iiu histoiy would undoubtedly luuc le- ( >r<l< d hou they met, and h.ivmg been ilnaljl v> build a whait, deputed then t nginei'i to take soundings, how the deputed one did tike sounding"., m w ii cli he leckoiud some 4ft or .lit of mud as water; how on the specifications calculated fiom these soundings a couti.ict was cuteied into and duly pioeeeded wit'i ; how j t -t wlieu tlie whaif was neaily lmi-,h"d it > ,i discovered that the depth of watei 'v.i^ i./ too little tor the puiposes tlie wh.ut w.i .ntemlel foi; how tli'ti tin-, brtle 'ilandu \\ i> >ionh poohed, .is the wi,e nun ,i > ' oi lip : i team diodgo win h w )iil 1 o > >p iii 1 , a) the bottom until the lfij.) .i 1 - J utii was obtained; how t'ie di 1 < t l < , . i bo i in[>lo\ed was eon . . ujted 3> ;ii r> | is^ t'l.uh the requm I depth t'\ cj m '2 L iiM',-, for a mii'ul,' or two xt thcloAvSt Li ' pro\ uled that the wv\tl>ui wii lin" • !i>>.\ uli".i someone suggested that )!■ v )iild t iicc five yeaia of suc'u inlimt^sii.i vl ilrcd^ii)' to in iki» the niwif av.rlibl 1 f>>! bln,>s of the si/.j forwhiuliit wis mV'iidcd, the wise men laughed and !.■ l L muuli mirtli ; how some of the foolish ia< u ot (iotlia u -".lid that the wise men must be muL to explain the wonderful muddle, aii d how the A\i^e men in the exercise of thc.r wisdom shook their heads, looked wi/j, ail. proved their wisdom by si, mg nothing in explanation. This, 1 say, veracious history, has not ii 'l:i ti.ummttcd to us, because Gotham hid r.o li.uboui. Else mechmks the history »\ould have continued thus : — When liu 'oolnh men found that the wise men would mal'o no explanation, but coolly call -'I 1o) tender*, upon specifications ma 'o by the :ame engineer they had befoie euipioyed, tor carrying the wharf 50 yaids fu.llierout it a heavy additional expendi tuie of tlicir (the foolish men s) money, they called a public meeting, at winch they passed resolutions, and took the necessity step, preliminary to having the wise men turned out of the Harbour Bon.l, and a utnct l.ivesligation made into the cnuunstaiiu os which led to such giossly incompetent man hiving the superintendence of a it public woik, and not sitished witu tin-, j)erae\ercd in their examination until the^ discovered who had pioiited by the blundt), and by how much, and insisted on the lesponsible paities making good tlie loss which had been sustained b^ the jtubhe Djity towels »ud other unsavouiy matteis have been figuratively tlirown in the faces of certain religio philantlnopists, .simply because they happened to be handy for the purpose. This, it would seem, has made a good many think, or pretend to think, that they (the towels, fee ) weru the c.ai^c of ,Ul the trouble. It must be evident to those who iv id the lt'iders in the Cuo^s, the lcttci> in defence, the leplits to the letters .uid the lLJomduis ti> the replies, that tlia ilin^iof ncgh ct is> not the principal one, in fact, tint it is not a charge ,it all K\i'iyone- Unows, 1 sujijiose, that towels are not always fiesb from the mangle, and that m a.i niititution whcie a nnmbci oi pioMOii^ly n;.gl<'.;tud children are congregated the utmost vigilance may not always pievcut tiouhlcsoino skin allectiona bicakiug out. The Tlnec Kings may not have been at the oi a of the duty towels, &<■ , in any u.iv open to tlie serious charge which is now bioughfc against it, and which cluir o 'ii [ Ii i\ c seen no lu.id'j to answer The yiauK of laud connected v/ith the institution have been mule, with the exception, as' I understand, of a very msiguiheant o ie, for a specific puipose. For some years the Tinst ha3 been altogether lost night ot by trustees and the public Now tlie trustees have suddenly experienced an "awakening," and they propose to eon done for the p i fc by turning o\ ei a new le.it for the future, 'fins, although they aie Scotchmen, they do m .i man iK 1 !' which my Irish friends will foi^ive me for s lying u a proof how closely the two races ate allied. Instead of leveiting to the origiml objectd of the Trust — the education .uid .support of destitute childicu of both races — the trustees propose to devote then funds to re.anng teachers and preachers Doubtless there is a smse m which send i. p ; among the destitute, men who niiv hic.ih. to them the "bread of life," h supporting then ; but no one can toi a moment snppo-e that the nib ,ition ot (iovernment when making these grauts would be thus fulfilled. Nt>, uo '

Mt Heul In )om chivahou> «lc-.ii « SLiocn \ mil i <i ,u< ,i \on li.nc .vttLiniii i i bantei . l)iit it wont do \l\i-. \" ■ t lient~> to ciy jirn'inniin-, ,ri 1 him .1 i>' >< tluir sotting mattei s n^ht, and tin n fl > ( 1 eputation which the Thico Kmns m -vi iiiuler your management foi nun \ i '1 m ij hope to oii|oy .lyiin Vmi <>' i c omuion seiiM- -will hi' hcttei woitli to \ou u this mattet than .ill the casmshv j»m tiuml may put at youi disposal on tell u-> th it you arc about to leave Auckland. Ai i mi ■ • tins little "(liihoulty' hefore you go, iml then " go i.i peace. " Theic was a Spartan simplicity about it fully m keeping with the occasion I'luin w li.il Iml \ppeaicd in the Sim ol tin pic\ ions o\ Liiing. I vms led to behew I 1 , it tliu -Viul Kind Volunfceeis weio l,''""-, f" ])io\e themsehes Syluutes in the ioci .ition the\ u'i'le about to accord to Gunnci 1 Jell, tht i-hampioii carbine shot. But 1 iound 1 had been ijiute misled. The reception was a \ oi y primitive afFur They placed him on the \ery liaid seat of a springlcss limber and jolted him from one end of the city to the othei : tlien muily hioke his neck by &Lumhhny ovei a yoose — a feathered one, .ii thcy\\i io beainii^him on men's -jhoaldcia into the Dull shod; and, finally, regaled him on wh.it must be the modem cijinv ilcnt foi the famous "black bioth '—colonial cheese and colonial beer. Oiir Volnnlceis aie evidently not Sybantes. roinpkm^ is disgusted with an inveterate punster with whom he was aiguingtho othei day, .is to the propi lety of dubbing the funambulist Blondin a chevalier. Tompkins wound ii|i Ins arguments by pointing out that the title had refeienee to the lecipient being an ecjucotnan, and as he thought settled the matter by asking Jus opponent, '• Did you ever see Blondin on a hoiso, sir i" To his intense disgust, tlu« mthless fellow answered. " Why, all Blondm's teats were pei foi med on a haw her. " Poor Tompkins ! ' That's my authority " Const ible Moar is lepoitvl lo have answered an anxious mqiinu tlio other d.»y at the same tune stiikin,' the man on the foiehead with a pair of haudcutls As the const vble was in plain clothes, perhaps, the production of the daibic? was the readiest means of pioving hi^ l(;,'il status, but to siy the lia^t of it, it \wis a lough as well as le.uly .ugunicut, and one which it would be well not to admit into ordinal y diicusaion. [ tuisfc that when the mattei coim.-, iiiidet appeal to the Police Iu->pectoi, and Delias tognc his opinion as to the advisability of his men laying aside the bludgeon to winch Mi. I rcorgo Stamcs has such >iu ol>|e< ti.vi, and having leLOiirio to the hamkuLU, m the manner to which I have alluded, lm answei will bo ( mphatically, " Xo ,\Toai of it. ' L'.VMIHi