VARIETIES.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume XXX, Issue 5225, 21 May 1874, Page 2 (Supplement)

VARIETIES.

For what port is a man bound during courtship ? — Bound to Havre. "Oh, ma," said a little gill who had been to the Zoological Gardens, "I've seen the elephant ; and he walks backwards and cats with his tail.' A Vermont man went over to an island to live as Robinson Ciusoe did, but his wife followed with a club, and his solitary life lasted only thieo houis A Blighted Being : Aunt-" Well, Mabel, don't cry ; if Eh/a is going, you will have another." Mabel — "No, 1 shall never have another nurse — I'll many young " "Nothing in this world beats a good wife," ■aid Jones, the newly married. " Yes," answered Smith, the long married, ' ' a bad husband does." An obituary notice in a Western paper contains the touching intelligence that the deceased " accumulated a little money and ten children. ' A traveller a^ked once in an hotel : " Who is the master of this house?" " I am, ' answered the landlord, " seeing that my wife is dead these last three weeks. " A cynical writer says : " Take a company of boy^ chasing butterflies ; put long-tailed coats on the boy^,, and turn the butteiihes into guinaas, and you have a beautiful panorama of the world " Once a careless man went to the cellar, and •tuck the candle in what he thought was a keg of black sand. He sat near 1 drinking wine until the candle burned low. Nearer and nearer it got to the black sand; neaier and nearer, until the bla/e reached the black land, and as it iva* sand, nothing happened On a tombstone in South Carolina is the following beautiful tribute to departed •worth : " Here lies the bodv of Robert ftordin, Mouth almighty, and teeth ackonhn , Stranger, tread li^htl> o\ertlm wonder, If he opens his mouth, you are gone, b> thunder Two negro women met upon the street the other day, when the following conversation took place : Fust woman : "Is you gwuie to ■et up wie de corpse to-night?" Second woman : " No ; my husband won't lot me." First woman : " Pshaw ! I never seed such a husban' as you is got. He never wants you to hab no fun." The ladies of Nebraska Citv have published the following card: "The indignant ladies of the Home .Relief politely request the Revs. Lemon, Green, Taylor, Kerr, and Warren to cease interfering with their affairs as a society. Two of the gentlemen aforesaid having already accepted silvci gotten the same way as that we w shed to gamble off, it would have looked bettei foi them, at least, to have kept still " The Memphis newspapers say : "When the roll shall be called, when all mankind must face the inevitable, the names of these Chi istian women shall be found high up among those who turned their backs on the world and preferred tlieii Master's Work." "Sisters Constance, Amelia, Thekla, and Hughett.i will never be foi gotten by the people of Memphis They came to us from York, unacchmated, inexperienced, without money and without price, and they have won our lasting gratitude. ' Raillery : Dumas, the elder, was a bright man, but often met his match. He uas proud of the large sum paid for his wntin s One evening in the saloon of a rich financier the conversation turned on the romunei ation of men of letteis "I," said Dumas, "am certainly the best paid. I receive thuty ■ous a line." "Indeed, monsieur," said a bystander, "I have never worked for less than a million a line ; what do you think of that?" "You are joking." "Not at all." " What are you, then ?" " Constructor of railways."

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