SCOTCH DOMINIES OF THE OLDEN TIMES.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume XVII, Issue 1380, 5 March 1861, Page 4

SCOTCH DOMINIES OF THE OLDEN TIMES.

The Dominies of the olden times were greer fellows, I and no wonder, I—for1 — for if a youug man tried to come out as a minister, and from want of ability fell short of the mark, his friends, parents, or guardians would cry out, " Mak 'im a Dominie." If a man lost his nose, an eye, an arm, or a leg, his friends would sing out "Mak 'im a Domine ;" in fact, if an imbecile of any sort, eithei mentally or bodily, " Mak 'im a Domine, mak 'im a Dominie" ; anything was considered good enough for a Dominie. Tn Dumfriesshire there was one who had no aims at all, but who wrote &c. with his foot. In the same county, when the first s>ow that was taken to that locality contrived to make its escape from the farmhouse to which it belonged, — aftei swimming across a river, it bent its steps towauls a herd of cattle The woman in attendance never having heaid or seen such an animal before, fled in great terror to the nearest village, and as she ran it ran grunting at her heels all the way. The wo .nan was barely able to tsll what she had been and been pursued by a cloven-footed monster with two horns in its head resembh'ng the evil one, v\hen from fatigue and terror she fainted The villagers \i ere greatly alarmed, till an old schoolmaster valiantly volunteered to go forth and give battle. Invincibly equipped with a Bible and an old sword, he courageously went forth to conquer ; but alas, alas, for the courage of the poor old doup skelpei, for the supposed horrid monster of iniquity happening to give a few grunts close at his heels, the gallant knight of the tiwse fell down horn sheer fright, and his attendants ■were obliged to carry him ingloriously from the field. At Slamanan lived another old Dominie who had a chimney in his school that was almost as cross grained as himself. Sometimes it would diaw up the smoke in . a proper manner, but more frequently it sent it out at the bottom, thus occasioning no end of mischief, for not only did the " peat reek" grieviously annoy the old man's eyes, but it also made the loom so daik that a person could not see from the one end to the other ; and, when the master was at one end, a row was generally going on at the other, and very often the innocent would be beveiely punished for the bake of the guilty. The old man used to be very fond of syllableing and the boys had the light of selection. Manorial was a favourite word with them for this purpose ; and when the master asked them the word that w as to be syllabled they almost invariably replied " memorial " " Hoot toot, that'l no dae," the old man would say "tak' anither ym," but the boys would ciy "memorial, memorial, memorial " " Weel aweel, memorial be 't than ," and when a boy happened to blunder he was kindly encouraged by such gentle words as "ye muckle ass," ' stupid blockhead," &c (In those days, every morning in winter, each scholar used to carry a " peat" to school, and very often it was the biggest that could be found m the stack ) "Within fifty miles of the above place lived another charactei who had striven hard to get promoted to a mimstei, but in spite of all [his efforts he could never get beyond the rank of a Dominie. He used to say that his wife's tongue was the nearest approach to a perpetual motion of anything he knew. With more truth he might have said that his own tongue was the perpetual motion itself, for its constant wagging not only wore off the enamel of his teeth, and occasioned him gitat anuoyance with toothache, but also created » gre.it thirst which frequently led him into serious scrapes. On one occasion, when returning fiom a friends house after indulging himself too freely, his spuitls legs commenced to caper , threats, yea, the most awf ill curses utterly failed in making them perform their duty, so he was obhged to prostrate himself in the mud, where he soon fell into a state of glorious inseubibihty, Some colliers happening to pass by to their woik, seeing his helpless state, resolved on carrying him down the pit. When, after a short sleep, and seeing the lights moving up and down, his brain being in a half-muddled state, he fancied that he was in the world of spirits ; and on being asked what he was replied. " I was only a Dominie m the ither wail', but the'll surely mak' me a minister in this ym.' But the long of all Dominies was the one that said in his morning piayer at shool, " An' may the Lord hae mercy on the souls o' you puir ignoramuses, for I'll hae nane on your bodies." Amicus.