Darietics.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume XIV, Issue 997, 16 January 1857, Page 4

Darietics.

A little boy being asked what occupation his father pursued for a living, he answered with gieat simplicity, "he is a dreadful accident maker, sir, for the newspupets.'' A butcher in Smith field, lying at the point of death, ; said to his Wife, "My dear, I am not long for this world a therefore, I advise }ou to marry our man John ; he's . strong lusty fellow, lit foi your busiress." "O ! dear hus band," said she, "never let that trouble you, for John and 1 have agreed upon the matter already." It is a sovereign pleasure to put a determined jester to silence ; the Chevalier H. was of this character. He introduced the Marquis of B — to a lady of quality, saying, in presenting him to her, "Madame, this is the Marquis of B — , who is not such a fool as he seems." The marquis answered. "Yes, madame, and this is the only trait in which I differ from the chevalier." A farmer lecently received a polite note from a neighbour (whose children were going on a visit a short distance), requesting the loan of an ass for a few days. Being unable to decipher his friends hieroglyphics, and wishing to conceal his ignorance from the servant, the farmer hastily returned for answer, "Very well ; tell your master I'll wait upon him myself presently." An attorney in Dean Swift's company gave himself great liberties of conversation with him. At length this impudent limb of the law asked the Dean, "Supposing, doctor, that the parsons and the dcvii should litigate a cause, which parly do you think would gain it ?" The devil, no doubt," replied the Dean, "as he would have all the lawyeis on his side." When the ambassador of Henry IV. of France was in England, Queen Elizabeth asked him one birth-night, which was attended by a splendid assembly of the court, how he liked her ladies ? Knowing her Majesty was not averse to flattery, he made the following elegant reply : "It is hard, madam, to judge of stars in the presence of the sun." A certain reverend drone in tbe country, preaching a very dull sermon to a congregation not used to him, many of them slunk out of the church one after another, before the sermon was nearly ended. "Truly," said a gentleman present, ".this learned doctor has made a very moving discouise." A person having the misfortune to admit as a lodger into his house an individual of impropsr character, 'named Bell, turned him out with this remark— ''that he would never keep a bell in his house that wanted hanging."