DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 32, Issue 94, 14 January 1939, Page 6 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

The farmer was showing his new baud round the farm, explaining all the Jobs lie would have Io do. When the list had been completed Hie man asked : "How about, cleaning the snow from round the house?” "What on earth do you mean? There’s Do snow at Hiis Hme of year.” "No. but by Hie time I've done my other jobs there will be." A schoolmaster inking an infants’ class in French asked a pupil to spell "J'aime —I love." “J. apostrophe, A. I. M. E.” said the child, "with a ” "With a wliat?” roared the master, knowing Hie boy was going to make the mistake of addin- an acute, grave, or circumflex accent. Pat as you please came Hie hasty reply: "With a dot on the ‘i.’ sir!” "Then you admit (lint you struck the plaintiff with malice aforethought?” demanded counsel of Hie man charged with assault. "You can't mix me up like that,'’ replied the defendant, indignantly. “I’ve told you twice I hit him with a brick. There wasn't, no mallets nor nothing of the kind aboW it—just a plain brick like any gentleman would use.” * * * Brown and Ids wife were doing a little lly-hunting. "How many have you caught?” she asked after a while. "Six.” replied her husband ; -three males and three females.” “How absurd!” his wife sniffed. “How could you tell if they were males or females?” “Easy, my dear.” he returned. “Three were on the sugar and three on the »ni rrnr ”

Mrs. Bronson Ims a new chauffeur, who is very careful as a driver but not so careful about his appearance. He Is not too fond of shaving. “John,” said Mrs. Bronson, to him one day. "how often do you think it necessary to shave?” "With a weak growth like yours, ma'am,” replied the chanl'feur, "1 should say Hmt once every third day would be sufficient.” Jones was telling his wife of an incident: he had seen. "I saw a fellow run into a tailor’s shop.” he said, “grab a still, and dash out !” "What happened then?” asked his "Oil.” said Jones, "the tailor followed suitl” The laird had gol into a regrettable habit of fishing and trumping on Sundays instead of doing his duty at. Hie kirk. One day Sandy met the laird in Hie cobbler's shop. "Sandy,” said Hie laird, "hasn’t (bis long spell of drought made the ground awfully hard? 1 seem to be wearing my shoes out very quickly these days.” '“Maybe ye are.” said Sandy, drily, “but ye’re certainly no wearin’ ootyour trousers in your kirk seat, onywey.” And the laird was sporting enough to take the hint. “Is your new French star. Fit! La Belle, shaping well?” "Well, I'm having trouble with her speech.” "Ah. difficulties with her French accent?” "Yes. I’ve been working on it for months, but you can still tell she comes from Liverpool.”