DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 32, Issue 66, 10 December 1938, Page 3 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

The teacher was taking a class of boys, and said reprovingly: “John McTavish. your mouth is open.'' "I ken." <aid John. “I opened it nrasel'.”

"Your wife says she only asks for pin money?” "Yes, but the first pin she wanted hail twelve diamonds in it.” V *

They had only just b"en married. "How much money have you got. dear?” the young husband asked. "I.el me see." she replied. "About half-a-erown.”

“Throw it away, and let’s start on the level.” he replied.

Phyllis was giving her mother "instructions” for the evening. "Now remember, dear, what I've asked you to do.” she said. "If Archie calls, just phone Bob that I sb: n’t be able to meet him tonighl, because I’ve got to keep an appointment with Peter.” » » «

An old man who was it great golf enthusiast and a young man who was equally keen had spin! the whole day on the links and had enjoyed some close and exciting games. As they left for home, the old man remarked. "Eh. man. but it's been a grand day 1” “It lurs,” assented the other. “Do ye think ye could come again in the morning?”

“Well.” answered the young man, reflectively, “I was to have been married. but I can put it off."

Apprentice: This time we have not forgotten a single tool. Plumber: No—but I’ve forgotten where the job is.

“is your wife still as pretty as she used to be?” “Yes. but it lakes her longer."

Baddy-and a friend were discussing the now cemetery which bad just been opened in their town, and the friend bad expressed a very unfavourable opinion. "In fact.” lie concluded, “I’d rather die than be buried in such a place.” Paddy shook his head. "All I can say is,” he remarked, “that it suits me. I like it, and 1 won't be buried anywhere else—that is. if I’m spared.”

A man who turned up tale for an appointment in Piccadilly was heard to say to a girl who was standing under a clock: "I've no alibi, dear." meaning "I've no excuse.”

He was promptly arrested by a plainclothes detective on the suspicion that he was guilty of a crime and couldn't tiring any witnesses to prove that he was somewhere else when it was committed.

Upon being questioned at the police station about several undetected murders. he exclaimed: “I've plenty of excuses,” meaning “I've plenty of alibis.’ This was considered to be tantamount to a confession, ami the man now languishes in the cells. From bis use of the English language the police think that be must be a foreigner.