RANDOM NOTES

Dominion, Volume 31, Issue 162, 5 April 1938, Page 10

RANDOM NOTES

Sidelights On Current

Events

(By

Kickshaws.)

Judging by the social security scheme that starts next April 1, All Fools' Day is going to take on a new significance. • * *

We note that efforts are being made to protect London’s water from air raids. It Is notorious, of course, how easily the Thames can be set on fire.

Efforts are being made in Britain for closer co-operation between motorists and the traffic cops. The idea, we understand, is to court the motorists instead of sending them to court.

“Your remarks about marbles, the game I mean, are a bit out of plumb,” writes “Billy Tea.” “You refer to the game of Taw, whicK is really what we used to call ‘Big Ring.’ Taw is the marble you fire with. Here are the names of marble games we used to play before the Manawatu railway was built: ‘Big Ring,’ ‘Little Ring,’ ‘Cocky Hole,’ ‘Pot Hole,’ ‘Eye Drops’ (for girls), ‘Back Nocks,’ ‘Mullabar,’ ‘Donkey Bridge.’ ‘Nine Holes,’ ‘Knuckles.’ If you make your remarks apply to lads and older people, I will supply you with the rules as played by me nearly 60 years ago.”

[The remarks are herewith made to apply to “lads and older people.”]

A. S. Paterson has recently drawn attention to the newly-created job of Inspector of Bananas, and suggests that nobody can tell what the youngsters will become. There is admittedly more scope in this connection in India. The youngster may grow to become “a pourer of water on gods,” “a cradle swinger” or even a “professional identifier.” Nevertheless, in our own humdrum world there are numerous opportunities for the unexpected. It is said that one of the steadiest jobs in the world is that of the pillar-box painter. In London it is a whole-time job for four men. When those four men retire maybe little Willie will step into a pair of the shoes instead of becoming an actor or an engine-driver. Another unexpected job is at present held by Mr. Barden, of Winehelsea. His fond "

parents probably thought he was cut out for a pirate or a buccaneer. Instead Mr. Barden, when he grew to years of discretion, became keeper of the lookout of the Cinque ports. His job- is to scan the horizon daily for hostile fleets.

It is said that the sinecures of the old days have all been eliminated. When we grow to man’s estate, real hemen jobs await us all. A fewcenturies ago there were four men in London who made their living by drinking beer. These officials were maintained by the State to visit inns and sample the beer. The tasting of beer and the inspection of inns are now carried out by the authorities. Nearly a hundred years ago a commission reported that the ale conners had ceased to perform any useful functions. The report suggested that they be abolished. Ever since then the matter has fieen under consideration. The ale-conners draw their pay to-day for not conning ale. A new job has. however, been created that smacks of the ingenuity in India so often seen in this respect. An official forecaster of deaths has been created. The job of this person, who never thought he would grow up to hold down the job, is to tell the Chancellor of the Exchequer what millionaires are going to die each year. / ■ - ■

A Maori wicketkeeper, who stands 6ft. 4in., is stated to have been a considerable asset to his side in a recent cricket match at Auckland. If there be merit in tallness in the game of cricket, some rather surprising teams might be selected. It is said that the tallest man the world has ever known died many years ago. He was a native of Palermo, and stood 30 feet in his socks. This incredibly tall man would have made a bowler with an unusual delivery. The nature of the bowling which the wretched batsmen would have to stand up to would have been more like a bombing raid by aeroplanes. Apart from the arrival of the ball from a height of about 40 feet, the fielding abilities of such a giant would cause special consternation to batsmen. There is, of course, -the other side of the question. What bowler is going to bowl to a man standing 30 feet high, with a bat about 15 feet high? Indeed, what fieldsman is going to put himself in the way of the ball when it gets hit by such a bat?

Unfortunately, the tallest man the world has known is dead, and cannot be included in our cricket team of giants. There is, nevertheless, a man who stands nine feet. Mohammed Ghazi has grown to this size by accident. Seven years ago he was a lad of six feet. He fell from a building on to his head, with the unusual result that he has never stopped growing. He was nine feet a year or two ago, and maybe, now he is taller. Placed at silly point, such an apparition might well cause the most confident Bradman to small. There are other giants for our team, but one has to go to Norway. John Aasen stands just over Bft. Din. He comes of a father who had a check in his growth when a lad, and never got above 7ft. Gin. His mother was also a slip of a girl, standing only six feet in her lipstick. In view of this, we suggest that Tiny Aasen should be placed in the slips, where his capacity to gather in the ball from great distances should make him an asset to any football team—cricket team.

Certainly we must not hurt dur cousins in America by excluding from the giant cricket team their little chip off the old block, Robert Wadlori, who graduated from High School, Alton, 111. Bft. 4in. He weighed 27 stone 12 lb. at tlie time ,and is probably heavier and taller to-day, as that was two years ago. Square leg seems the place for him. Jim Carver, America’s next largest son, might perhaps go to mid-on oy off. It is of no great import. His eight feet would stand him in good stead when running for the ball. His stretch of nearly nine feet would mean that when he returned the ball to the wicket-keeper it would go straight through that person unless he wisely got out of the way, or happened to be Mr. Machnow, weight 33 stone, height nine feet three. Or has Mr. Machnow died? No record can be found as to his eligibility to become a member of the team. Readers may perliaps know of some New Zealanders who ought to be included in the team. Kickshaws can only think of a youth in Otago who stands 6ft. Gin., but then he is only a tiny tot.

“The facts given in ‘Random Notes about old wives’ cures are not so hard to understand as many persons may think,” writes “Sister.” “The clue to what appears to be such strange phenomena will be found in electrical attractions. This is a field which is only now being investigated, and- light wilt not come out of the darkness until mau pools his knowledge."