DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 30, Issue 172, 17 April 1937, Page 6 (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

“And this, I suppose, is one of those hideous caricatures you call modern art.’’ “No, that's just a mirror.'’

“If you are good, Richie, I’ll give yon this bright new penny.” “Haven't you got a dirty old nickel?”

“John, John, wake up! There’s somebody creeping up the stairs.” “Yeah? Whazza time?” “It’s half past two.” “Well, thank goodness it’s not me this time.”

As the hikers watched a girl milking a cow, a bull rushed bellowing towards them from the far end of the field. The hikers ran for the nearest gate, but the girl calmly went on with her work.

Five yards away from the girl the bull came to a sudden halt, turned round, and raced away even faster.

When the astonished Inkers reassembled, the girl explained, “I knew the bull wouldn’t come any nearer. The cow I’m milking is his mother-in-law.”

Au English tourist was on his first visit to Niagara Falls, and the guide was trying to impress him with its magnificence. “Grand,” suggested the guide. The visitor did not seem much impressed. “Millions of gallons a minute,” explained the guide. “How many in a day?” asked the tourist.

“Oh, billions and billions,” answered the guide. The visitor looked across and down and up, as if gauging the flow. Then he turned away with a shrug, apparently unaffected. “Runs all night, too, I suppose,” he remarked.

“Does ’your husband talk in Ids sleep?” “No. and it’s terribly exasperattiug. He just grins.” *

“What’s the matter. Hast us? You look as mad as a wet lieu.” “Why shouldn’t Ah be? Th’ doctuli what operated on me foil peudicitus went an’ sewed me up wit white thread.” * * v

“Mr. Brown, these are very small oysters you are selling me.” “Yes, ma-am.” “They don’t appear to be very fresh, either.” ~ . “Then it’s lucky they re small, am t it?”

-I ’aren’t ’ad a bite for days,” said a tramp to the landlady of the George and the Dragon. “D’yer think you could spare me one?” “Certainly not!” bellowed the landlady. “Thank yer,” said the tramp and slouched off: but a few minutes later he was back. “What d’yer want now?” asked the landlady. “Could I have a few words with George?” queried the tramp.

A policy-holder had died, and an inspector called on his widow with the cheque. He was a generously proportioned man, and when he sat down on the chair she indicated he burst au air-cushiou on it. The widow, to his concern, gave way to a flood of tears; nor was she to be comforted by bis offer to replace the cushion. “A new one will never be the same,” she sobbed. “My poor dear husband blew that one up with practically his last breath.”