Pickles

Dominion, Volume 29, Issue 256, 25 July 1936, Page 22

Pickles

Ikey: Fadder, give me a penny to see the sea serpent.

Father: Vasteful poy! Here’s a magnifying glass—go and find n vonn!

Convict (to warder) : Would you mind dropping those keys down my neck? I do believe my nose is going to bleed.

He; I can always judge a lady by the way she dresses. She: But a lady would draw the blinds.

Absent-minded professor (to secretary) : I am going down to the town, and if by any chance I happen to return during my absence, keep me here till I come back.

"Has anyone- remarked on the way you handled your car?” "One man did, but he didn’t say much.” "What did he say?" "Two pounds and costs.”

Binks : I’ll give a guinea for'that picture as it is.” Artist: Why not wait till it’s finished ? B’nks: Can’t. 1 need the canvas to mend a tire. Novice (with great determination after numerous attempts) : I’ll stay here till I hit this ball. Caddie: Weel, ye can get some ither laddie to band yer sticks, for this is ma bath nieht. * Some lime ago a. man, who had been celebrating a happy event in his family, went into a registrar’s office and stood at Ihe counter for a few moments, i ’■ liking uncertainly. Then he exclaimed : ■ Gentlemen, I’ve come to register the twins.”. "Twins 1” saiil the registrar. “But why did yon say ‘gentlemen’? I'm by myself here.” "Is that so?” said the father. "Then I’ll just go home and have another look 1”

A -well-dressed num alighted from a taxi find handed the driver the legal fare plus twopence. The look of disgust on the driver's face was amusing, but. the effect was heightened when the man walked about a dozen yards away anil then returned and loftily handed the cabby another penny! "Thanks, guv-nor!” said the cabby, “another four payments and the blooming taxi's yours.”

Business had been so bad that when Isaac had overdrawn his account at the bank the manager requested him to call. He was shown into the office. "Good morning.” he said; "you vqs ranting to see me?” "Very much so,” replied the manager. "I see you have inadvertently been allowed to overdraw your account. I gave no authority for that, and I shall thank you to put me in funds at

once.” “Indeet.” said Isaac. "Vos you ever in tin? soup bithnetli?" "No.” answered the manager. "Veil—you are now,’ retorted Isaac.