Pickles

Dominion, Volume 29, Issue 196, 16 May 1936, Page 24

Pickles

A man with a little black bag knocked at the front door. “Come in, come in,” said the father of fourteen children, “and I hope to goodness you’re a piano tuner.” » » “I don’t see how you can afford to take so many girls to expensive restaurants.” “That’s easy; I always ask the girl if she hasn’t been putting on weight just before we go in.” # * * A lecture on economy had just come to an end. The chairman, who had been much impressed, was proposing a vote of thanks. “And now,” he finished, “I am going to ask you to give the speaker two hearty cheers!” * $ A circus lion escaped from its cage into the surrounding Yorkshire countryside. No hue and cry was raised, but the circus men began to scour the district. Two days later a hefty Yorkshireman appeared at the circus leading on a string an undamaged but obviously subdued king of beasts. “I’ve browt back thy dog, maister,” he said, simply. » * ♦ Barrister: “Now, sir, did you, or did you not, on the date in question, or at any other time, previously or subsequently, say or even intimate to the defendant or anyone else, alone or with anyone, whether friend or mere acquaintance, or, in fact, a stranger, that the statement imputed to you, whether just or unjust, and denied by the plaintiff was a matter of no moment or otherwise? Answer me, yes or no.” Witness: “Yes or no what?” * * * “Dad,” said Horace, when he arrived home from school, “I saw a deaf and dumb beggar this morning and he had an impediment in his speech.” “Please, Horace,” said the father, “will you kindly adhere more strictly to the truth. A deaf and dumb man with an impediment in his speech—it’s absurd!” “But really, he had,” persisted young hopeful. “You see he had lost one of his middle fingers.” A worried-looking little man dashed into a bur and ordered “A small lemon” in a voice shaking with rage. “You look upset,” said a sympathetic bystander. “With every reason,” replied the little man. “When I got home just now I found a stranger kissing my wife!” • “What did you do?” “Do? I—l threw his umbrella out of the window, and said : ‘There! I hope it rains now!”’