THE LUCK OF THE BODKINS

Dominion, Volume 29, Issue 98, 20 January 1936, Page 14

THE LUCK OF THE BODKINS

By

P. G. WODEHOUSE

S 3 The effect of her words on Reggie was to make him plunge like a horse, as if he were about to dash his head against the rail. He was profoundly moved. “But you aren’t, dash it. That’s the whole point. Can’t you understand? I haven’t a bean in the world. I can’t go about the place marrying people.” “But ” “I know. You’ve enough for two, what?” “Plenty.” “And it wouldn’t be any different from marrying an heiress, and all that. I know, I know. But it can’t be done.” “Reggie 1” “It can’t be done.” “Reggie, darling!” “No, don’t tempt me. It can’t be done, I tell you. I won’t live on your money. I never thought that highmindedness of Ambrose’s was catching, but so it has proved. I’ve gone down

with it now.” “What do you mean?” “I’m telling you. Watching Ambrose prancing about the ship exuding honour at every pore has made me a changed man. If you had come to me as short a while ago as yesterday and asked me, ‘Do the Tennysons play the game?’ my reply would have been, ‘Some do and some don’t,’ but now I am compelled to answer, ‘Yes, blast it, every single bally one of them.’ I love you, young Mabel, I love you like nobody’s business, but I’m positively dashed if I’m going to go through life helping myself out of your little earnings. And that’s that, if I die of a broken heart.” Mabel sighed. “That’s that, is it?” “Definitely that.” “You coqjdn’t be just a little less noble?” “Not a fraction.” “I see. Well, I respect you, of course.”

“And a fat lot of good that is! I don’t want to be respected. I want to be married. I want to sit opposite you at breakfast, pushing my cup up for more coffee ” “ While I tell you the cute little thing little Reggie said to his nurse.” “Exactly. Now that you have brought the point up, I don't mind admitting that there was some sketchy notion of some such contingency limiting at the back of my mind.” “But you still feel you’ve got to be noble?”

“I’m sorry, old girl, I must. It’s like getting religion.” “I see.” There was a silence. Reggie drew Mabel Spence' to him and placed an arm about her waist. He nearly cracked a rib, but brought no comfort either to himself or her. “The thing that makes me froth so frightfully at the mouth,” he said, moodily, breaking the long pause, “is that everything so nearly came right this morning. Those English sequences of old Pop Llewellyn’s you remember. If he had given me a contract to look after those, I should now be in a position to marry at the drop of the handkerchief. And he was within an ace of doing so when that Ambrose business scut him shooting off the deep end.”

“Would you say within an ace?” “Well, perhaps not quite within an ace, but I think we could have talked him into it. Doesn't it make you sick to think that there is that ghastly brother-in-law of yours, that Llewellyn, perfectly able, if he cared to, to solve all our troubles, and we can’t get him into the frame of mind. Or can we? Would it be any good working on him, do you think,” "Working on him” ‘‘You know. Clustering round him. Doing him little acts of kindness. Trying to fascinate the old son of a bachelor.”

“Not the least.” “I suppose not. Though how about putting him. under some obligation.' Saving his life, 1 mean, or something like that. . . . Rescuing him from a runaway horse —” “Reggie!” Mabel Spence’s voice rang out sharply. So did Reggie’s. Li her excitement, she had clutched at him arm, and those dainty lingers, trained to steely strength by years of osteopathy, seemed to bite into his flesh like pincers. “I’m sorry,” said Mabel, relaxing her grip. “I’m sorry. But that sudden flash of intelligence of yours startled me. Reggie, do you know what you’ve said? A mouthful, no less. That’s exactly what we are going to do.” “Rescue Llewellyn from a runaway horse?” In spite of a naturally optimistic disposition and an inherent willingness to try anything once, Reggie seemed dubious. “Not so dashed easy on board an ocean liner, what?” “No, no, 1 mean there is something you can do for Ikey that will make him give you anything you care to ask for. Let’s find him and put it up to him right away. He'll probably be in his stateroom.” “Yes, but what —?” “I’ll explain as we go.” “Short of murder, of course?” “Oh, come along.” “Yes, but —” Mabel extended a clutching hand. “Do you want me to pinch your arm again?” “No.” "Then get a move on.” Mr. Llewellyn was not in his stateroom, its only occupant at the moment of their arrival being Albert Peasemarch. Albert I’easemarch seemed delighted to see them, and at once made it plain that he would be glad to tell them all about his recent triumphs. But

Mabel’s way with people who tried to tell her of their triumphs was as short as Lottie Blossom’s. Scarcely had the steward begun to touch upon secondclass concerts and “Bandoleros,” when he found himself thrown for a loss. A brief “Yes, yes” and a courteous word to the effect that at some later date he must be sure to tell her all about it, for she was dying to-hear, and Mabel had sent him off in quest of her brother-in-law. And presently Mr. Llewellyn appeared, looking agitated. All nervous conspirators look agitated when they have just been informed that a fellowconspirator wishes to see them immediately upon urgent business. As he observed Reggie, his agitation became tinged with other emotions. He halted ip the doorway, staring offensively.

Mabel ignored tbe stare. “Come on in, Ikey,” she said, in that admirably brisk way of hers. "Don’t stand there looking like a statue of the Motion Picture Industry Enlightening the World. Take a look up and down the passage and make sure that that steward isn't listening, then step along in and shut the door.” Mr. Llewellyn did as he was directed but with an ill grace. His air was still that of a man who would 'shortly require Reggie to be fully explained to “Now, listen, Ikey. I’ve just been telling Reggie about that necklace of Grayce’s that you’re going to smuggle through the Customs.” A banshee-like bowl broke from the motion picture magnate’s lips, causing Reggie to wince and frown disapproving- , x . _ T „ "Don’t sing, Llewellyn. Not now. If you must, later.” “You-you’ve told him?”

Reggie shot his cuffs. “Yes, Llewellyn, she has told me. I know all, my dear Llewellyn. I am abreast of the whole position of affairs —the necklace, your spiritual agony at the prospect of having to . smuggle same and, in short, everything. And in return for certain concessions on your part I have agreed to take the entire assignment off your hands.” "What!”

“I say in return for certain concessions on your part I am willing to take the entire assignment off your, hands. I will smuggle that necklace. So perk up Llewellyn. Clap your hands' and jump round in circles and let use see that jolly smile of yours of which everyone speaks so highly.” There was nothing in the look which Mr. Llewellyn was directing at Reggie now to awaken the critical spirit in the latter. It was entirely free from that pop-eyed dislike which the young man had found so offensive in the early stages of this conference. It was, indeed, very much the sort of look the wounded soldier must have directed at Sir Phillip Sidney. “You don’t mean that?” “1 do mean that. Llewellyn. In icturn for certain —” “What wo were talking about this morning, Ikey,” said Mabel. "Reggie wants a contract to superintend your English sequences.” “For three years.” “Five years. At a salary of—’ “Seven hundred and fifty—” “A thousand.” “Of course, yes. How right you are. Much nicer sum.” “Rounder.” “Exactly. Easier to remember. Pencil in as the salary, therefore, Llewllyn,' a weekly one thousand dollars.” ‘■‘And none of your options.” “What,” asked Reggie, “are options? “Never mind,” said Mabel. “There aren’t going to be any in your contract. I know Ikey’s options.” In spite of the gratitude and relief surging so freely within him, Mr. Llewellyn could not but offer a feeble resistance, to this unholy condition. Whatever soul a motion picture magnate possesses always revolts against the heretical suggestion of a contract without options. “No options?” he said wistfully, for he loved the little things.

“Na.ry a one,” said Mabel. For a moment Ivor Llewellyn hesitated. But, as be did so, there rose before his eyes a vision. It was the vision of a man who wore a peaked cap and chewed gum, and this man was standing on the dock at New York examining his baggage. And in that baggage there was nothing, absolutely nothing, to bring the frown of censure to the brow of tbe most exacting Customs inspector. He hesitated no longer. “Very well,” he said resignedly.

“And now,” said Mabel, “here's a fountain pen and here’s a sheet .of paper. I think we'll have a few brief lines in writing.” The business concluded, the door closed behind them, and Mr. Llewellyn left alone to get into his pink pyjamas with the prospect before him of the first peaceful night’s rest he had enjoyed since the voyage began, it was Mabel’s view that another visit to tbe boat deck would be agreeable. To this, however, Reggie, though he yielded to none in his affection for the boat deck, was compelled to demur. His conscience would not permit him to accept the programme as put forward. To-night he bad ceased to be the careless, self-centred young man

thinking only of his personal enjoyment. Purged in the holocaust of a mighty love, Reggie Tennyson had become an altruist.

“You pop up there,” he said,, “and I’ll join you in a minute. I have a spot of work to do.” “Work?”

“Diplomatic work. A couple of young hearts to knit together. Poor old Monty Bodkin, largely owing to me, though I acted throughout with the best intentions, has had a buse-up with my cousin Gertrude —”

“The one who doesn’t like butterflies?”

“That’s the baby. Largely owing to me, though, as I say, my intentions were admirable, she has got it into her nut that Monty is a butterfly. Before sauntering on boat decks, I must correct this view. Can’t leave poor old Monty wallowing in the soup, what?” “Not even until to-morrow?” “Not even till to-morrow,” said Reggie firmly. “I couldn’t be easy in my mind and give of my best on that boat deck if I didn’t perform this act of kindness. The fact of the matter is all this 'happy ending’ stuff has left me so full of sweetness and light that I want to go spreading it.” “Well, don’t be long.” “Expect me in five minutes. Unless I have difficulty in locating Gertrude. But no doubt I shall find her in the lounge. I've noticed that the tendency of the female is rather to flock there at this hour.”

(To be continued.)