PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 26, Issue 290, 2 September 1933, Page 18

PICKLES

“How are you? I hear you have been out of work.” “Yes, things are at the end. To-morrow we cook the goldfish!” New Version: A friend not in need is a ft’lend indeed. \ Musical Wife: “It’s strange, but when I play the piano I always feel malancholy.” Husband: “So do I.” ♦ • • “Daughter, your hair is all ruffled. Did that young man kiss you against I your will?” “He thinks he did, mother.” * • » Child: “What is a luxury, dad?” Father: “A luxury, my son, is something which makes you long when you are short.” * » * tiffice Boy: “A gentleman has called, sir. He would like to know the secret of your success.” Boss (cautiously): “Is he a journalist or a detective?” » * * “Do yon ever hear of the money Smith borrowed last Christmas?” “I hear of It every day—l have to listen to the gramophone he bought with the money.” » ♦ * He: "Now that we’re married, dear, I want to tell you that I intend being boss—or know the reason why.” She: “Don’t worry, darling; you’ll soon know the reason why!”

Gladys: “Mother dear, I advertised under a different name that I would like to make the acquaintance of a refined gentleman with an eye to romance.” Mother: “Gladys, how awful 1 Did you get any answers?” Gladys: “Only one—from father.” * » • . In the old country, sons-ln-law were often given free board and lodging instead of a dowry. A young man and his sweetheart were discussing “ways and means” one day. The girl’s father could not af-ford-a dowry. “We might board with your parents until times get better,” the young man suggested hopefully. “Not. a chance,” sighed the girl. “My parents are still boarding with my grandparents.” * * An oyster met. an oyster, And they were dysters two; Two. oysters met two oysters, And they were oysters, too. Four oysters met a pint of milk j And they were oyster stew. |

’ Arm-in-arm the two young lovers strolled aipilessly through the orchard in the pale moonlight. Presently they stopped and she raised her hand for silence. “John, dear,” she said in a hushed whisper, "do you hear the trees moan and sigh?” “Yes,” said the unromantic John, “I think we would, too, if we were as full of green apples as those trees are.” “What a charming baby! And how it does resemble your husband!” "Gracious, I hope not! We adopted it!” * • * When the young husband returned home from the office, he found his wife in tears. “Oh, John.” she sobbed, “I had made a lovely cake, but I put it outside for the icing to dry—and—and the dog ate it.” “Well, don’t cry about it, sweetheart, I k. w a man who will give us another dog.”

Small Boy:T want a collar for our Dad. Shopman: Want a Collar! What sort? Like I’ve got on? Small Boy: No, a clean one. • * * The old hawker was looking despondent. “What’s the matter, Tom?” asked his wife. “Ay, but there are a lot of swindlers in the world, Martha,”, he told her. “Oh, what’s happened now?” she inquired. “’Ere ’ave I gorn and spent ’alf a day paintin’ a sparrer to look like a canary, and a bloke comes along and gives me a dud ’alf a crown for It!” • * * Smith: “Why do you call your house a bungalow?” Jones: “Well, the builder made a bungle of it, and I still owe for it.” ♦ ♦ • When a Jewish business man, having bad a successful year, spent a large sum in lavish furnishing and antiques and informed his wife of his intention to increase his fire insurance policy, she burst, into tears. “Oh dear, is it really necessary?” she said. “And I was just beginning to love the old homeu”