PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 24, Issue 50, 22 November 1930, Page 29

PICKLES

Just the Trouble. Boarding House Proprietress: “Cook, I shall have to give you notice. You’re not quite what I want.’’ Cook: "Oh, ma’am! And I understand the boarders like my cooking very much indeed.” Boarding House Proprietress: “They do. That's just the trouble.” —"Dorset Dally Echo.” . Unusual. • “Why Is he so sad?” "Didn’t you know he had gone bankrupt?” "Yes, but I didn’t know he had lost money over it.” —“Dorfbarbler,” Berlin.

The New Angle. “We don’t print any such stuff as , that!” said the editor loftily as he handed back the poem. “Well, you needn't be so haughty about it!” retorted the poet. “You’re not the only one who won’t print it.” —“Sidmouth Observer.” As in Australia. Possible Employer: "But you’re asking for a rather high wage seeing that you know nothing about the work?” Applicant: “But, you see, not knowin’ the work makes it so much harder for me.” —“Bulletin,” Sydney.

To the Modern Idea. “What do you think of the Museum of Art” “Oh, the pictures are good enough, but there ain’t no good jokes under them.” —“Nottingham News.” • • • Royal Appetite. “Yesterday we Invited the Queen of Beauty to the best restaurant and told her to order what she liked.” “What did she order?” “Fish and chips.” , —“Gutierrez,” Madrid. * $ • Pleasant Dreams. “Does your husband talk in his sleep?” “No, the wretch only smiles." —“Lustige Kolner Zeitung,” Cologne.

Got Him Both Ways. “Beatrice,” said Mrs. B. to her daughter, “if’Harold asks you to be his wife to-night, tell him to speak to me.” Beatrice nodded, and then said: “And if he doesn’t ask, mother?” “In that case,” said her mother, “tell him I want to speak to him.” —“Somerset County Gazette.”

A Fertile Field. Friend: “How do you like married life?” Dramatist: “Fine! I have made three plays out of my wife’s past already.” —“Lustige Biaetter,” Berlin. Different Now. “Are Maurice and Ethel as inseparable as ever?” “No, they are married now.” —“Buen Humor,” Madrid.

Dyed Romance. “I met dear little Julia, that fair girl I used to go out with 20 years ago.” “I suppose she is a grey-haired woman now?” “No, black.” —“Pages Gales,” Yverdon. » » • “Air Marks.” Passenger: “How do you know the way back?” Aviator: “I just notice the shapes of the clouds and then it is easy.” —“H Travaso," Rome. ■ • : $ « « Words! Words! Words! "I am suing for a divorce. My husband threw thousands of Insulting words at me.” - “Not thousands!” : “Yes, he hurled a dictionary at my head.”—“Moustique,” Charleroi.

This Unjust World. > Fritz (aged four): “Daddy, there is no justice in this world.” Father: “How is that?” Fritz: “Teacher is paid and we have to do the work.” —“Faun,” Vienna. *: • < In the Matter of Presents. She: “She gave us something on our wedding anniversary—that plush teacosy—and we ought to reciprocate. He: "Reciprocate? You mean retaliate." —“Sidmouth” Observer. Well Entrenched. Peter: “If I am naughty I have to go to bed without supper.” • John: “That can never happen to me. I have medicine to take after meals." ‘ ' —“Moustique,” Charleroi.

One Thing You Can’t “Lift.” ; "You have such a smart overcoat that I cannot understand why you have such worn-out trousers.” “Now, how can a man get new trousers in a restaurant?” —“Ulk,” Berlin. New Testament. Lady: “I’m worried about my, complexion, doctor. Just look at it. Doctor: “You should diet. lady “I never thought of that What'colour would you suggests—‘•Evening Free Press.' '