HARMONY IN THE MARRIED STATE

Dominion, Volume 22, Issue 264, 3 August 1929, Page 24

HARMONY IN THE MARRIED STATE

CAN IT BE ASSURED? FAULT-FINDING ANALYSED “How can a wife retain the affection of her husband?” A reader has asked for an answer to this very old question, and in investigating the more recent opinions on the subject a number of interesting theories have been discovered which are not without interest to the general reader. Men and women, we are told, marry largely on the basis of physical appearance of the other person, habits and mental traits being easier concealed, in the casual intimacies of courtship at least The hardest adjustment of all that marriage calls for lies in the region of temperament, intelligence and all the mental habits which have been ingrained in the mind since we were children. Mental Habits. It is the considered opinion of those who have studied the subject that mental habits make or mar the large majority of modern marriages. Two American scientists recently consulted one hundred couples concerning their married life. They found that both sexes had little fault to find with the physical appearance of their mates. They had selected the partner whose physical appearance appealed to them. Mental qualities, on the other hand, were only revealed through intimacy, and were by far the harder habits to change. Seventy-nine per cent, of men interviewed said they would like to be able to make changes in their wives’ mental qualities. Eighty-six per cent, of women had the same desire. Married women, however, were better satisfied with the physical appearance of their mates. One explanation for this is that the face and figure of a woman deteriorates faster than the physique of a man, and that men lay more stress on the complexion and figure than women do on any part of the man except, perhaps, the hair and the waistline.

Small Tilings That Count. It has often been said that it is the little things in life that count, and that is particularly true of the married state. Habits that have to do with the routine activities of life bring out many irritants which annoy either husband or wife. Records of divorce disclose that, the most trivial annoyance persisted in over a period of time will wreck a marriage. Take, for instance, some of the petty things that have upset husbands and even caused them to leave home. When a group of married men were approached it was found that 8 per cent, could not bear to see undarned socks around the house; carelessness in household duties annoyed an equal number, while extravagance only worried half that number. When one hundred men are asked what changes they would like to make in the qualities of their wives we can expect some interesting revelations. But, as a matter of fact, the desired qualities indicate that human nature, after all, remains much the same generation after generation. Twenty-four preferred a better temper; 27 wanted more intelligence; 24 would be content with less scolding; 20 thought they would be happier with less talkativeness, but most remarkable of all, nearly 5 desired wives with a more talkative disposition. When the personal history of these 100 men was investigated, it was discovered that, unconsciously, 70 of them really wanted their wires to be more like their mothers. Habits that Annoy Wives. Husbands, of course, are not the only ones who are annoyed by the habits of their partners. Wives also have quite a lot to say on the same subject. Selecting one hundred average married women again, the two scientists found that 86 of them were critical of their husbands' qualities. Talkativeness, or lack of talkativeness, lead all other complaints; 26 women objected to physical mannerisms of their husbands; 34 thought their husbands too selfish, but when all the complaints were investigated it was. discovered that 90 per cent.’ of them had to do with what might be termed minor faults accentuated by repetition. Some husbands aggravated their wives because they appeared to have no idea of time — they were invariably late for meals, late for social engagements and the theatre. While a woman generally makes light of keeping a man waiting, she views the reversal of the process very seriously. Lack of orderliness is also an outstanding fault of most husbands, while men who "think of nothing but their work” drive some women to desperation. Summing up, the average married woman is of the opinion that her husband is too self-centred, but, on the whole, there seems to be nothing a husband can do so effectively to improve the happiness of his wife as to indulge in interesting conversation —to make her a partner in his experiences. A Husband's Idea of Home. Another interesting point that many men have made is that they do not enjoy freedom when at home. The average man’s attitude towards his home is that of a place in which he can converse, read, rest, indulge in his hobby, and escape from the cares of business. “When I come home,” says the average married man, “I don’t want to find so many tasks confronting me that I have no leisure. It isn't laziness, but I have been working all day, and when I am home I want to do the things that appeal to me. Of course, 1 realise that there are certain jobs around the home that it is my duty to attend to, but it irritates me to have my attention drawn to them every time 1 come into the house. 1 want to regard my home as a place free from set routine.” Coming back to the original question, successful married life appears to depend largely upon the parties giving more thought to each, other's temperamental prejudices, which also tueaus giving a thought to your own and getting rid of a few.