"YOU NEVER KNOW-IT MIGHT BE"

Dominion, Volume 22, Issue 72, 18 December 1928, Page 17 (Supplement)

"YOU NEVER KNOW-IT MIGHT BE"

and long, long ago, when they were children together, her brother, down from Borstal for the Long, had explained to her the use of them for opening locks. Smilingly recalling those far-off childish things, she disarranged her coiffure and commenced operations on the lock, which was not long in yielding

in the pictures, he stood by their sides. 1 Sadly she counted them —one, two, three, four, five, six, seven—and realised what had happened. There was no room for doubt. She had married a film star. Now she came to think of it, he had always kissed like a close-up.

What kind of tea makes one’s head the lightest?—lnsanity. What is it we all often say we will do, and nobody has even yet done?— Stop a minute. ■Why is a dog’s tail a great novelty? —No one ever saw it before. Why should not the number 288 be mentioned?—lt’s two gross.

Why is an alligator the most deceitful of animals?—lie takes you in with an open countenance. What is the military definition of a kiss? —A report at headquarters. The naval definition?—A pleasure smack. Why is a cow’s tail like a swan’s breast? —It grows down. Why is a thief in a garret beating his wife like an honest man?—He is above doing a bad action. How many foreigners will make a person impolite?—Forty Poles make one rood. What is the difference between an apple and a nice looking girl?—An apple has to be squeezed to be cider, while with a nice girl, you have to ba beside her to squeeze her. Why may St. George be considered a careful driver?—He never appears without the drag-on. Why do children object to the absence of Santa Claus? —Because they prefer his presence (presents). What does an artist like to draw best?—Mis salary. What is the favourite dish of a girl who is engaged to be married? —Herring. What thing is that, that is lower with a head on than without one? —A pillow. What are the most difficult ships to conquer ?—Hardships. Why is a bad cold a great humiliation? —It brings the proudest man to his sneeze (knees). Why is a pig in the parlour like a house on fire?—Because the sooner it is put out the better. Why is a caterpillar like a hot roll? —lt’s the grub that makes the butterfly. What is the best way to make a coat last?—Make the trousers and vest first. Which are the most contented birds? —Rooks, because they never complain without caws. Why is the Gas Controller like a poet?—Because, he regulates the meter. Why is a collier like a canary?—He is brought up in a cage and has to peck for a living. School Inspector: "Now, my little man, what do five and one make?” No answer. Inspector: “Suppose I gave you five dogs and then another dog, how many dogs would you have?” Small Boy (confidently) : “Seven.” Inspector: “Tut, tut! How would you have seven?” Small Boy: “Course I should. I got a dog o’ my own at home.” Whatever trouble Adam had, ‘ No man in days of yore Could say when he had told a joke: “I’ve heard that one before.”