WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dominion, Volume 18, Issue 193, 10 May 1924, Page 6

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

NOTES AT RANDOM

(By

T.D.H.)

They are taking a census in Russia, to count up how many people are left. —lf there is a shortage the execution season will probably be declared closed. A famous Parisian beauty has disappeared.—lt is suggested that perhaps she washed it off. Although some people, forever harping on one string, still affect to remember what the Labour Party didn’t do in the war, it is pleasing to find that the “Maoriland Worker,” the party organ, has commemorated the visit of the fleet with a long article in this week’s issue. The writer of the article sets out with some account of Drake, Frobisher, Hawkins and others, “mere pirates” of Elizabethan days, and then refers to the slave trade, etc., in the English colonising of America. Reference is made to Blake, Nelson, and other, “great men,” so described by fanciful biographers- The writer then lets himself go on the horrors of the Press Gang, the pouring of boiling pitch on a seaman’s head for robbing a mate, the flogging of the men, the rotten food, and winds up with the mutiny of the Nore in 1797. “This,” he says, “is a short outline of the history of the ‘Glorious Navy’ which the workers of Australasia are being asked to welcome to our shores. Discussing the “Worker’s” fleet welcome article yesterday, Dr. Bumpus observed that while it was sketchy and dealt with only the bare rudiments of the subject, one must remember, that considerable research was needed in writing an article to turn the • limelight on to the real inwardness of things. “Human beings,” said the Doctor, “are so widely given over to hypocrisy that even a Socialist leader iri writing his autobiography is apt to slur over the episode of his youth in which he robbed his grandmother of her savings, and one has to go to all sorts of extraneous sources for the real facts. I well remember the great difficulties with which I was faced when editing ‘The Atheist’ in London at the time of the first Pan-Anglican conference. The eminent committee controlling the journal decided on a'special illustrated supplement in celebration of the event, and in it were to be presented the real material facts about the Churcll. The task of preparation fell on my shoulders, but beyond a casual Remark by a committeeman that if I turned up any old history book I would find plenty of matter about bishops keeping concubines and so on. I received no assistance whatsoever in my labours.”

“The task,” continued Dr. Bumpus. “I soon found to be no light one, ana mv sympathies are entirely with th» writer of the ‘Worker’s’ article, which I am not surprised to find was not compiled in the office, but taken from some other journal. My own task with the bishops was most laborious, and I was obliged to read a most prodigious quantity of perfectly useless and. irrelevant matter about good works and ‘piety before lighting on details of the careers of church dignitaries appropriate for insertion in an atheistical periodical. Owing to the inconveniences of tho law of libel and the expense of hiring private detectives for shadowingpurposes it was decided to confine our supplement to the careers of dead and gone bishops, as offering more promising ground for research, but even so I spent three months at the British Museum in looking up the headings “Bishop,” “Church,” “Clergy,” in th* indices of all the secret memoirs of the ladies of the Courts of Europe J could discover. I was in hopes,” .concluded the Doctor, “that the ‘Work er’s’ article on the Navy was the first fruits of the new research bureau the Labour Party and the Alliance of Labour recently set up, but no doubt the bureau will soon work up a supply of really original matter suitable fo» publication in the ‘Worker’ at thesfr seasons of national rejoicing.”

“I agree with you, doctor,” R a.id Major Fitzurse; “it’s a rotten world, and there’s not an institution in it, tffe Navy, the Church, anything you like, that isn’t full of humbug . . . It may he that I am getting old and disillusioned, but I am weary of humbug . . . and particularly of tha humbug that the world will be any better if you throw capitalistic humbugs out. and put Labour humbugs in. . What society needs is a. war upon humbugs, wherever found, and with no quarter given,”

“Your ideas, Fitzurse.” said Dr; Bumpus, “are entirely unsound. Whaii you so erroneously describe as humbug is the sugar round the pill of ecdste ence, and as a medical man I am in a nosition to know that the trouble with civilisation is a too-universal tendency to suck the sugar off before it swallows the pill—a habit, sir, which obviously tends to leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth.”

Mr. J. H. Thomas, the new British' Secretary for the Colonies, on gokjg to his official nuarters for the first time, was mot bv a porter, according to a storv told by Sir John Foster Fraser in r, Arts and Decoration.” Mr. Thomas told the porter, who barred his wav. that he desired to go into the building. “Who do you want to see?” the porter asked. Mr. Thomas replied. “I am not quite sure. I want the Colonial Office.” “Yes. but who do vou want to see?” demanded the porter. “I want to see the office.” declared Mr. Thomas, and added, “I am the Colonial Secretary.” Tho potter looked at him sternly and turning to nnofhor porter said. “Here’s another shell-shock patient 1”

Mr. W. Pett Ridge tells a story of a Londoner known as Scotty, who was under sentence of death. He had nnarrelled with a Guardsman in a nub-Hc-house; the Guardsman had taken Scotty’s monev, and Scotty declared that unless the money was handed Back, he would knife the other; the Guardsman did not refund. On the morning fixed for tho execution, it was arranged that the chanlain should look in on Scattv at eight o’clock for a last heart-to-heart talk. For some reason the reverend gentleman was late in arriving at the condemned coll. “Now then, chnnlnin,” said Scottv, rnllvinglv. “this won’t do. you know j this won’t do. Fight o’clock you onghfl to have been ’ore. and now it’s ’aifnast. I shall lie seeing your gov’nor at nine, and I’ll tell him about 700!**

It. is reported that the Fundamentalists in the United States churcH controversy have ndonted the slogan, “Keep the hell fires burning!”

HIGHROAD. Sand of a desert, made me first. The voting snhinx smiled my starfi. By dving pilgrims T was nursed— Hunger was my chart. Sn'ls of Phoenicia swept my breast Daring a drunken wind; I am Ihe brick Hie lemons pressed— Rome they left behind. My belt of steel has bound the plains, Hill to hill I link, No height, no depth my hand r*«

trains — Distance is meat and drink. Lol no man doubt my grinding need, When I have turned aside, Though people prayed and kings decreed— The fairest city died.

<—Elizabeth Mcrrqrr.