WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dominion, Volume 18, Issue 98, 21 January 1924, Page 6

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

NOTES AT RANDOM (During the absence ou holiday of “T.D.H.” this column will be conducted by “Wi.”J It would be funny if the German mark began to rise now that the 7"rcncli franc has fallen. The statement that appears . this morning to the effect that- the wife o Professor Gilbert Murray, of Oxford University, may join the Labour Party, has more significance than appears on the surface, for she happens to b« the third daughter of the Bari of CarFsle. Several members of the British aristocracy have lately shown Labour leanings, though whether this is due to the fact that they have joined the ranks of the new poor and coiibequentlv have had to work is not clear. Professor Murray, by the way, is Australian bom. First citizen: I see the income tax is due on February 8. Second citizen: The devil it is ? First citizen: Well—pay the devil his duo. Coming over on the ferry boat from Day’s Bay yesterday afternoon I had to listen to one of those portable gramophones playing “Yes, Ve Have No Bananas,” all the way across. Needless to say, there was no lack of ioca.l accompaniment. In the “Can- , ning Tower” of the “New York World” appears an amusing skit on the banana ep'demic. It consists of a number of verses setting forth in different styles how certain eminent personages would have expressed the same idea “if they had written it.” This, for example, is how Eugene Debs, America’s most famous Socialist, would have put it: _ Comrades, we must rise against this iniquitous, immoral, indefensible, unjustifiable, inexcusable, inexpiable, unpardonable, and irremmissiblo inequality' Wo have string beaus! We have onions! We have, cabbages 1 We have scallions! We have all kinds of fruit! We have old-fashionable tomatoes! We have Long Island potatoes! WHY HAYE WE NO BANANAS? Comrades, I pause for a reply!

Now listen to Huxley; I consider it of the utmost biological significance that, although the species of Legumiuosa, Allium cepa, Brassica oleracea, Lycopersicum eseulentum, and Solanpum tuberosum exist in great abundance, I can find positively no trace of the Musa sapientum to-day. Stevenson would have written, in his happy, sunny style: The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure wo should all be as happy as kings; We’ve ice creatn and pickles and ap. pies and cake, And herring and goulash and Hamburger steak; We’ve matzoths and crullers and omelet souffle — So wl’.at if we have no bananas today? There are others, but these are quite enough. There are a number of local adaptations, one of whidh runs: "Yes, I have no pyjamas, I’ll wear the old nightie to-night.’’ No—l don’t want to hear any'mor®. Correspondence on this subject will be firmly suppressed. In making the dictator of Spain a Grandee King Alfonso has bestowed an empty honour on the energetic General de Rivera. Once, in the days when Spain was Spain, it meant something ito be a Grandee. A Grandee paid no taxes and could throw the'income tax collector into the street with complete impunity, for no man dare lay hand on him save at the King’s express command. Another valuable privilege, which shows that they were cnce as sporting in Spain as they are in Ireland to-day, was that a Grandee had thp right to make war on the King. There were three classes of Grantees in those palmy days. The first class kept their hats on when speaking to the King and when receiving his reply. The second class took their hats off while speaking to the King, but put them on while he replied. The third class took their hats off and only put them on again when the King bade them. The undiscerning Bonaparte while on the throne of Spain abolished Grandees altogether. Nowadays all that tho Grandees get out of it is social precedence and the consequent first view of the victuals when asked out to diipier.

Air. Bok seems likely to lie had up for treason for sugge.-ting that America should help to keep the peace of the world—He ought to know it was Europe’s world war that was the makings of America.

In looking over the accolnit of that first land deal, T.D.H. notices some comment on the sandflies at Ngahauranga. In remarking on the natural dignity of the Alaori and. the becoming regularity of their discussions among themelves, Air. M akefield said: “Even while AVharepouri was employing each of his feet to rub off th© other n cloud of small, troublesome sandflies, which annoyed him while h© was speaking, not a smile was to ba observed even among the children. A good while ago in this column T.D.H. remarked that whereas sandflies were thick on the eastern side of Wellington Harbour, were none in the city and western side, and speculated on' the cause. Apparently they were thick enough in the early days, but history docs not appear to relate when the last sandfly bit its last victim in. the city proper.

An Aberdonian, walking alone along a dark road was beset by two footpads. Ho offered a strenuous resistance and succeeded in blacking the eyes and bleeding the noses of each of 1-is enemies before overpowered by sheer weight of numbers. Then they went through him, and found threepence 1 They looked at each othei in pa’r.ful silence. “Gosh!” said on©, “if it had been sixpence he’d ’ave murdered us!” IS LIFE A BOON? This, from the “Yeoman of the Guard,” is considered to be one of th© finest lyrics in the language, and by its gifted author (IV. S. Gilbert) one of his greatest conceptions. It is engraved on h's tombstone: Is life a boon? If so, it must befall That Death, whene’er he call Alust call too soon. Though four-score years he give, Yet one would pray to live;. Another moon! AVhht kind of plant have I Who perish in July? I might have had to die Perchance in June.