WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dominion, Volume 14, Issue 299, 12 September 1921, Page 4

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

NOTES A.T RANDOM >—

(By

T.D.H.)

The one bright spot at the week-end was the Weather Prophet’s storm —which again failed to arrive. Growing weary of muddling with its own Test team, the Rugby Union is now trying its hand, at upsetting the Springboks’ , Readers will be pleased to notice that the space on the cable page lately vacated by Mr. W. M. Hughes is now filled by Mr. Charles Chaplin. /Two thousand Hindus have been converted by the Moplahs to Islam—and merely by a clear presentation of the argument “Believe and live." Melbourne barmaids are fining customers who use swear words in publichouse bars, and the proceeds are to go the hospitals.—l hear the architects are al-, ready busy on a complete rebuilding scheme. I nearly missed a train yesterday through passing the time of day with an acquaintance who has a severe impedi-.® ment in his speech. -The incident reminded me of a story told of Henry Guy Carleton, a former well-known Now York writer. Meeting Peter Finley Dunne ("Mr. .Dooley”) one day in Park Row, he said, “I s-s-s-say, Peter, d-d-d-rop into my off-f-f-ice this afternoon for a c-c-c-couple of hours. I w-w-w-want to have t-t-t-ten minutes c-c-c-conversation with yep.” Independence has not thrived in the atmosphere of Inverness, where the Irish conference is to be held. In 1427 James 1 of Scotland held a Parliament in ths castle, aiid had a conversazione with ths northern chiefs, who were asserting theit independence.' The proceedings terminated with a public entertainment at which three of the chiefs were hanged. An independent governor of the castle in 1562 refused to let Queen Mary in, a»d he also was hanged for his pains. Cromwell built a fort there, and in 17-16 the Jacobites blew it up. In the present castle courtyard Flora Macdonald stands in stone with her hand to her eyes looking out to sou —uot for Eamon de Valera, but for Bonnie Prince Charlie, an earlier experimenter in the revolution business. Tq<lay Inverness is -a bbautiTul town of rosered. granite skirted, by a beautiful river in which a number of little islets joined together by bridges form one of the most romantic public gardens in Scotland. Th« people of Inverness are pleasant spoken and have the reputation —among Scotch-, men—of speaking the purest English in the world. Perhaps they will convert Mr. de Valera to a belief that it i« ■ not worth while after all forcing the people of Ireland to learn the Irish language —not that they are in the least likely to do it, anyhow. The dear old family doctor was well pleased, with his patient, and was proud, of the way his drugs had been working to cure hay fever. “I am glad to heaT,* he said, “that you cough with greater ease this morning.” “Yes," said his longsuffering patient, “you see, I have been practising all night.” Wellington residents who admire the natural beauties and attractions of their city have always bssn puzzled to know how the slanderous designation “windy Wellington” first came to 'be applied to the centre of Government. (Die idea that it was prompted by the sitting of Parliament here each year is not correct. I find that it originated, as was to be expected, from a person who was quite unqualified to express fin opinion —one of the ten-rqinute-visitor variety, who, of course, wrote a book telling the 'tworld all about us. It is a regrettable fact that the writer -was a lady, and a very charming one too, no less « person, indeed, than the famous actress Emily Soldene. This lady toured New Zealand nearly 50 years ago, and in her memoirs she describes the outstanding characteristics of our chief cities as she saw them in her rash, through the country. Here is her libel on fellington—a libel which unhappily still sticks: "They say,” she wrote, “all the wind in the world goes to New Zealand, and all the wind in New Zealand goes to Wellington; and everybody knows a man from Wellington, because, no matter what part of the earth he is on, ho always ducks and claps his hand to his hat when turning a corner.”

Laugh and the world laughs with you is a maxim invented by someone who must have foreseen the coming of Charlie Chaplin. Only Charlie Chaplin doesn't laugh, and he explained a year or two back te the readers of the “Strand Magazine” his working rules fdr being funny. A few months ago Mr. Chaplin, who is in reality a most melancholy and retiring person, informed an interviewer that his real ambition was to play Hamlet, but the public insisted on him going on with the funny business. Trying to be funny is hard work, aS 1 know, and my readers will agree with me that it conduces to melancholy. MlChaplin says the publics _ idea of humour is to see some one m an undignified and embaraassing position, inat is the ground plan on which a picture has te be built. Dignified and impressive persons, such as policemen, have to be mhde to fall down coal holes to sit in buckets of paint, and so forth. A. < further refinement of this delicate art is to make the person to whom 1 something funny has happened to refuse to admit it aid to attempt to maintain his dignity A man who is drunk and tries to convince everybody he is quite "sober is far more funnv than a man who is -drunk and doesn’J care a whoop about it Furthermore, itjs necessary to bring in the element of surprise and contrast. You just have to figure out what the nudit-nce.is expecting will happen and then do something different. There are really onlv these three rules to be attended to. and when yon have it nil so clearly explained it isobviously the easiest thing in the world to be funny enough to kill a cat. Perhaps some reader will tell me where I can get a _lwok ofAfire rules for running an entertaining column, and then ws might brighten up this page n bit.

"Simple Tom” writes: “Tn times of strike it is customary for the union concerned, in common with other allied unions, to strike n levy on those at work in order that strike pay shall Ire assured those who are out. _ Now that there are unemployed, it might be considered reasonable to suggest that _ a similar procedure should Ire followed instead of solely relying-on that steady old milch cow. the public. So far the unions concerned have been silent on fiie point." CONSOLATION. How oft, dear heart, when I would sing, I say to Fancy, "Tempt me not; My song will sound so slight a thing And bo eo speedily forgot. My music soft could never rise Above the bustling noise of day, And notes I breathe to starlit skies * The little winds will steal away.” And yet, I know, though all the rest Should fail to catch tire tender strains My little song should still be. blest, Two eyes be brighter for my pains. For love will glean from accents low A meaning sweet to apprehend, And naught that carelees ears may know Is like the healing love can lend.