WAR JOKES-AND OTHERS

Dominion, Volume 12, Issue 89, 9 January 1919, Page 6

WAR JOKES-AND OTHERS

The anonymous English author of "k x General's Letters to His Son" quotes the following delightful extract irom the diary of a German soldier:— "Monday—lt rained heavily and our Lieuenant Muller was drank. ' "Tuesday—The English shelled us and our Lieutenant Muller was very drunk. "YVednesday-The English shelled us more heavily and our Lieutenant Muller was drunk and incapable. . \ "Thursday—We were ordered to attack. Uur Lieutenant Muller called oat to us ) ■ from his dugout Ho advance more rapidly. "Friday—Njl. >, "Saturday-Nil. : ..■ ■ ■''■■ ~ ' \ "Sunday-Oiir Lieutenant Muller received the Iron Cross." . 4 Red Cross collector, with a friend, ■ w?s out after funds one evening. They knocked at a floor and a voice said: "Come in." , ' a He tried the door, then shouted, Its lCckedT , '~. ..' ~, "Comq.in,". repeated the yoit'e, and tlio ■ ontuptiigiier replied;. (, "It's locked." ' .:.'■•■ "Come in." ; ' : ; ■ "It's locked." . , , At that point a woman put her head out of n window next door and said: "There's no one at home. You ro talking to the parrot." • German General: "Have our brave troops been informed that we shall be in Paris in four days?" Subordinate: "Yes,- General. "They understand that the giseat. war, was forced upon us ?" ' ~ "Perfectly, General. "They have been told that the Americans always kill our machine-gunners, if they surrender?". . • "That is well .understood, General. "They hnvo been instructed that the few Americans opposite us itre cowardly and inexperienced?" "Hand-bills announcing that met are passed round each evening." "Then let the offensive begin. > It is much easier to die than to take ii vacation. A man who is summoned to his last long voynge may set his house in order in an hour;, a few words, written or dictated, will dispose of his possessions: nnd his heirs will gladly attend to the details/This done, he .may fold his hands on his chost and depart this vexatious life, in peace. It is quite another matter to pveunre for a few weeks away from town. ■. -There are bills to lie paid; the iceman and the milkman, and the laundryman must be I chol;ed off, nnd tho daily paper retrained from littering the doorstep. Ihere f hair to bo cut, and teeth to he lirkrrrd, nnd so on. In short, it takes days to stop the machinery of. living for a fortnight, and days to start it going again. But, my "tear, one must have a change. ■ Once more (Writes Mr. Maurice .Hewlett) I cet a good tale from the army. A.' friend of mine, a private, though born to gentler destinies,-v»? up be.ore- a me<lical board. The'M-0., "with C"?toma;V bile," fays my friend, made lient of his complaint. "Good God, man, i.. vou were a civil™, would you come before ! me with a thing like that?" "M. sir. replied the snWHev. "I should send _for von." ' His category was raised. It is on a lovel witK the famous tale of H-rlwyt Bisnmtck Wusterins before the Apostoho Recrptarv. who had denied him access to the Holy Father. "But do you know that lam Count Herbert Bismarck?" That niav explain, but. cannot excuse, your conduct." Qu' ct an( l fi" n '- In ' act: ' tlle lid. '