THE ACQUIRED. MANNER.

Dominion, Volume 7, Issue 1940, 24 December 1913, Page 10

THE ACQUIRED. MANNER.

"This," said Mrs. Harper appreciatively, "sounds like a bit of all right." Her husband winced, and she assumed that her compliments fell short of his anticipations. "What I moan to say is, wo ain't been altogether fed. up with slices of luck since you and mo ■" "You and I," ho interrupted, appealiugly, "You and I." "Sinco I and you strolled into the register offico." "The registrar's." "Of course, if it comes off it'a bound to make a difference," she went on, "and for one thing, Fred, you'll have to buy some more collars. "You'll be expected to wear a clean one every day now. Furthermore, you must bring your hands to mo every morning, and let mo see if your finger-nails aro good enough to be looked at. Your mother tells mo she had just tho very samo trouble with you when you was a child." "When you wcro .1 child, ho corrected. "I'm speaking of the timo when you was a child. Drink vour cofteo and get on with your sausages; you won't bo so ratty when ycu'vo had your breakfast. By-the-bye, _wbv didn t you give mo the news last night? Soanehoiv faneied you were extra quiet." "I decided," ho replied, with austerity, "that this present Sunday morning would give-and supply one with a certain freedom and convenience for tho discussion of the matter or subject." His young wife smiled at him across tho table. "No ono can say," sho remarked, "about my hubby that ho hasn't been educated. Ho don't always show it, bnt when he wishes to do so ho can talk like a book. Liko a volume," sho added, with emphasis. "Perhaps you are rieht." Ho gavo a short cougli. "The difficulty just now, my dear, is about you." # ■ 'Sho rose quickly from her chair on the pretence that a newspaper lad could bo hoard offerings wares from tho roadway; returning, sho mentioned at the door that a, mistake had been nicLtlti; ruiclj whistling softly to intlii cate composure, went on to tho garden at til? hack of the house. Geraniums tliat' had seen their best days had to be snipped off, carnations, with an inclination to sprawl, were furnished with supports. Her husband, coming out ten minutes later, smoking a cigarette with tho aid of a regal-looking holder, discovered her with a flushed cnuutcnatice, and endeavoure to exhibit tact by offering a few remarks on the circumstance that flowers needed both sun and rain to enable them to show to advantage. Going into details, he exhibiteS a tendency to call tho varieties by tho one title of Canterbury Bells. "You're a reg'lar Cockney," sho said, with tolerance. "Some day 1 must I earn you tho diff'rent names of all of 'cm." "I liavo always been given to understand that you were brought up in the heart or centre of London." "None tho worse for being born in Kentish Town Road, I hope." "Morally, no. But, if one may say 60, intellectually, yes." "Come along," ordered hiß wife sharply. "You're got something on

what you call your miiul, and you'll bettor get it oil'. Lot's hoar the worst 1"

Tho worst (that might also be looked upon as tho best) was, it appeared, that his governor in the West End proposed to lool; in at one o'clock that very day. The governor, a peculiar gentleman in some respects, had stated, as reason for calling, that ho wished to give Harper liis decision in regard to tho application; tho actual pause, it might bo assumed, was a desire to see the house, and especially to make the acquaintance of the wife. When a member of tho staff was placed in charge of a branch establishment tho custom of tho firm was to ascertain something about his partner; a case could be recalled wliero an appointment was cancelled becausetho lady happened to bo unable to resist the attractions of alcoholic beverages. "Well," said young Sirs. Harper, defensively, "I don't drink." "Perfectly aware of that, my den:'. No ono knows it better than roys-olf. But it is in regard to other matters that you are defective. Your conversation lacks polish. Your behaviour is wanting in refinement-. Your general methods are not what I call ladylike. It's no pleasure to me to point oiu your faultsr-rr-" "Doesn't seem to pain you to any great extent." "Go and start your preparation for tho niid-dav meal," lie ordered, "and then wo will have a quiet hour, going over the interview you have tn undergo. And i shall want you to look as highclass as you possibly can. Put 011 tho very best clothes' you've got, and, above all," impressively, "above all, aspirate your stitches for all you're worth."

In professional circles rehearsals sometimes lead to dispute and warm argument. Oil this occasion 110 one could have been more docile than the leading lady; few have had an easier task than tho stage manager. Sho was to speak of books and the joys found from their companionship; of music and the solaco gained from it in periods of leisure. Also, a general admiration for pictures was to be expressed, with an avowed preference for those that gavo food for thought, grounds for deep reflection.

"I think I've got the hang of it,!' she said.

Anything like colloquial expressions to bo avoided, and ejaculation-.! of an. alarming nature omitted. Tho pleastiiw of instructing cancelled thoughts of time, and a smart series cf knocks came at tho front door ere the lesson had finished. Young Mrs. Harper was ordered to hasten tip the stairs; instead, sho went into the kitchen.

"This is the lady, sir, I have tho honour to term my wife," said (Mi. Harper. Ho frowned as sho, bib-apron-ed. re-entered the front room. "You must excuse her being what tho French cajl <> n deshabille, because-; " "I know what a busy tiino Sunday morning is," remarked.tho firm, shaking hands. "And your dinner smells so good that for two pins I'd ask you to let me. stay and liavo a bite." "It's a' roast leg o' lamb," said Mrs. Harper, with 110 indication of tho accent and deportment so carefully taught, "and it's green peas, and it's new potatoes, and it's junket.and cherries to follow, and although I say it as shouldn't, it's a meal that a king wouldn't turn up his iioso at." ■ "What ths wife intends to say, sir, is that if you will tako a seat at our humble but hospitable board, and accept a share or portion of the modest food——. But I assumtv, sir, that your remark was only intended as a suggestion of a humorous nature." "Never more serious in all my life. Do you mind, Mrs. Ha.rpcr?'' '.'Take it or leave it," sho said. "Jest as you like. There's oceans for tho three, of us, aiul^if. you don|t pass .un 'your plate for a '.sccbjitl 'helping. I shall be disappointed." ' "In other words, sir; "I'm going, to accept the invitation," said the firm,'"and you mustn't mind because I invited myself. I'm liko that!. If you had refused to let mo stay 011 I shouldn't have, blamed you "

. "My dear," said Harper, authoritatively "the repaat can ho served in this apartment. "I'm going to have mine in the kitchen," said tho firm.

Tho firm left at half-past four, and tho host-/ instructed to givo company so far as tho rank of taxi-cabs, set out with the rcsolvo to obliterate the effects conveyed by conversation of the afternoon. He lost no time in offering sincere and heartfelt apologies. "A sensible, unaffected young woman," interrupted tho firm. "Just exactly what is wanted, Harper, to compensate for your faults. You can have the job No, 110, don't express your obligations to mo. You must thank her I" —W. Pitt Ridge, in the "Westminster Gazette."