Danger Year in Marriage

Cromwell Argus, Volume LXVIII, Issue 3485, 6 September 1937, Page 2

Danger Year in Marriage

SOME WELL-REASONED ADVICE, A mau asked me the other day what I considered to be the most dangerous year in married life (writes David Lyall in the "People’s Journal”). 1 thought for a moment, seeking some reply that might cover the ground. All the answer that I could muster was that every year is dangerous. He grinned at that, saying with conviction, "You’re right.” So I saw he had taken a different meaning from my words than the one intended to be conveyed. He was at the moment out of love with married life and was seeking confirmation of Ills regret at over having undertaken it. So I tackled him again, and in some measure thrashed the thing out —that is, so far as such a thorny theme can be thrashed out. It nas a way of confronting and con founding you at every turn. There are hazards and risks in marriage which even the wisest cannot foresee and which only those caught in their meshes can handle. However, there are certain general rules to be bserved In this queer game, and unless they are observed there Is not much chance of happiness. As so many people are married and have, therefore, their private and particular problems to face and dispose of, a few observations on the general theme may be welcome. I am going to deal with only the ordinary typo of marriage entered into by the normal mau and woman who love each other and who are anxious to spend the rest of their lives together and build up a happy home on the basis of family life. That, believe me, is the only foundation on which married happiness can be securely built. It has been proved by millions throughout the ages and centuries, and will continue to be the dream and the mecca of every generation. Like all things worth having in life, happy marriage is not to be had cheaply, but has to bo earned, safeguarded, and taken care of, not now and again, but all the time. That is why I assured my friend that all years are dangerous. At the beginning everything is roseate, young love sees to that. There never has been such a lovely adventure —nor happiness so perfect. But after a time things begin to happen. Two temperaments have to be adjusted to one another alongside the fret and fuss, the inescapable reality of daily living. You find out soon that you are no longer a free agent but have to consult the wishes and desires of another in every direction. What was delightful and attractive in a lover may be less attractive in a husband or a wife. Familiarity robs the dream of a little of its radiance. Not all, of course, but undoubtedly there has to be readjustment, a careful estimate of values, a sottling-up day, and a measured outlook. Fine phrases these. Boiled down, they simply mean that with eyes a little more widely open you proceed to make the best of one another. In the wife’s case, if she does not know her job, or, knowing it, wilfully neglects it for outside interests, whether it be golf or games, pictures or gadding about, her dream will not last long.

The average man expects his house be well kept, to find his wife not less attractive than the sweetheart, and to get value for what he gives in exchange. He also expects proper meals, not makeshifts out of tins, and the woman who has no workable knowledge about cooking or thinks anything will do may look out for squals. It may do in the first halcyon days when the roseate spectacles are still functioning, but it won’t last. Nor must she grow careless about her appearance. On these minor shoals a good many promising little ships have been threatened with disaster. Don't imagine T hold any special brief for husbands. I know all about their weaknesses and their tiresome ways which can exasperate and sometimes nearly break a wife’s heart. Too soon some of them abandon the loverlike attentions which made the courting days so sweet. No necessity now to hide or camouflage the ugly temper or to keep a guard on the tongue. There is not always honesty and fair dealing about money. On this rock many marriages have split. A working agreement about it should be entered into at the beginning, the proportions settled, and no cheating on either side. In conclusion, shall we say there is a good deal of human nature in mar ringe, and (hat the rules which govern in other realms of experience are all needed here with some additions and expansions? There has to be love, kindness, unselfishness, consideration, and patience exercised in no ordinary degree on both sides. It is all immensely worth while, because in happy marriage and the right kind of home life men and women not only fulfil themselves, but provide a refuge from most of the ills of life. Much more could be said, but enough is as good as a feast.